Thursday, July 12, 2007

BBQ Steak for Right-Wingers

Slowly, I am assembling a cookbook for right-wingers - since cookbooks, like most sections of the modern bookstore, are overrun by communist, proto-communist, pseudo-communist, disguiso-communist works. It is my mission to spread right-wingery into every facet of life and prove, at every turn, right-wingers do it better. Since I received a recent spate of emails asking me how a right-winger should prepare steak on the BBQ, let me share it with all of you.

1. Purchasing the steak
This assumes you are purchasing a steak's steak - while flank steak and the like are excellent in their place - this is rib eye, faux filet, etc. country. Unlike Liberals, right-wingers do not consume mass quantities of beef and then decry the ravaging toll of the cattle industry on our planet. 8 - 10 ounces per person.

2. Prepping the steak
Bring to room temperature. Cut a clove of garlic and with the cut side (where the oils are oozing out) rub the steak. Put together a home-made rub (sea salt, cracked pepper, chili powder, oregano, cayenne and crushed mustard seed). Rub it in like you were hovering over Halle Barre's naked back and she was very, very tense. Let stand for an hour.

3. Grill steak
The right-winger would approach the grilling Tuscan-style. This means: over a medium flame, place the steak on BBQ, grill to first sight of blood. Flip to first sight of blood. Rotate 90 degrees and flip. Hold a minute or so. Flip. This creates the criss-cross grill marks.

4. Post-Grill
Let the steak stand for about 10 minutes - or about the time it takes to grill up corn.


1) BBQ corn. In their husks, grill corn on the cob. Turn the corn 90 degrees at a time when the husk on the underside is burned. When the entire husk is black, the corn is ready. Remove the husks and butters, careful to leave the carmalized corn for last as it is the most perfect.

2) Red Cabbage Coleslaw. Shred the cabbage, fine dice red peppers, carrot and onion. Dress with 1 part olive oil, 1 part Worcesteshire sauce, 1/2 part honey. Have it sit in the dressing for a few hours to macerate.

3) Tomato-Feta Salad. Tomato slices lie flat on a platter with generously grated feta on top (bulgarian feta if available). Drizzle olive oil, oregano, crushed garlic and balsamic vinegar.

4) Grilled garlic bread.

Note: right-wingers do not serve steak with potatoes in the summer.

Wine? Besides it being red, I don't care, really. But the country of origin for the wine should be: USA, Mexico, Australia, Italy, Portugal - and, foremost, BC wine. Should Ontario go Tory this fall, you can feel free to add it on the list of acceptable domains as well.