Monday, November 09, 2009
!0 Ways to Dip into Dipper Voting Pools
Like Nic Nanos, I strongly urge Michael Ignatieff to re-invent himself as something attractive to Dippers. The only hope the Liberals have of surviving the next election cycle is to steal NDP support away from them. In order to help Mr. Ignatieff with this extreme makeover, I have ten surefire ways to leftify himself.
10. Wear Hemp. Nothing gets lefties more excited than a wardrobe made of a durable, all natural fibre - nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
9. Buy a Bus that Runs on used deep-fryer oil. Paint it Liberal Red with a big white L emblazoned on the sides. Everyone will cheer your environmentalism.
8. Dreadlock the eyebrows. Like Chuckercanuck, Iggy's eyebrows grow about half an inch a day. Tired of trimming? Do what Bob Marley only dreamed of doing.
7. At the Calgary Stampede, don't have a pancake breakfast, have a falafel lunch. Those deep-fried chickpea fritters get all the neighbourhood commies a-twitter.
6. Make Hedy Fry your deputy leader.
5. Pick on Israel. It did you some good in 2006 when you told Quebec that Israel had committed war crimes. Wrap yourself in a kefifa and go march in a Hizbullah rally with Denis Corderre.
4. Make up with Ian Davey. Then marry him. Some politicians pay lip service to same-sex marriage. But you could ignite the country's imagination by being the first same-sex married national power couple.
3. Buy a GWB doll on ebay. Stomp on it at every public appearance.
2. Invite Jimmy Hoffa Junior to your coming Thinker's Conference. Off a keynote address slot to Hugo Chavez.
1. Bash free markets. Liberals know that markets are only as good as the government's that regulate them. You've started on this path already but got distracted by the many different ways Tories are killing people (EI, H1N1). If you want Canadians to be excited by your leadership, promise to lead them out of the economic freedom that has so crippled us this past year.
Do this and the keys to 24 sussex are yours.
10. Wear Hemp. Nothing gets lefties more excited than a wardrobe made of a durable, all natural fibre - nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
9. Buy a Bus that Runs on used deep-fryer oil. Paint it Liberal Red with a big white L emblazoned on the sides. Everyone will cheer your environmentalism.
8. Dreadlock the eyebrows. Like Chuckercanuck, Iggy's eyebrows grow about half an inch a day. Tired of trimming? Do what Bob Marley only dreamed of doing.
7. At the Calgary Stampede, don't have a pancake breakfast, have a falafel lunch. Those deep-fried chickpea fritters get all the neighbourhood commies a-twitter.
6. Make Hedy Fry your deputy leader.
5. Pick on Israel. It did you some good in 2006 when you told Quebec that Israel had committed war crimes. Wrap yourself in a kefifa and go march in a Hizbullah rally with Denis Corderre.
4. Make up with Ian Davey. Then marry him. Some politicians pay lip service to same-sex marriage. But you could ignite the country's imagination by being the first same-sex married national power couple.
3. Buy a GWB doll on ebay. Stomp on it at every public appearance.
2. Invite Jimmy Hoffa Junior to your coming Thinker's Conference. Off a keynote address slot to Hugo Chavez.
1. Bash free markets. Liberals know that markets are only as good as the government's that regulate them. You've started on this path already but got distracted by the many different ways Tories are killing people (EI, H1N1). If you want Canadians to be excited by your leadership, promise to lead them out of the economic freedom that has so crippled us this past year.
Do this and the keys to 24 sussex are yours.
Labels: Helping Iggy Out
Comments:
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How to win power in one lesson.
1. Go on CBC Ontario and Promise to rob the west and give it to the east.
It's worked so well in the past with only the total collapse of the Canadian economy as a consequence, but who cares, Politicians don't suffer from loss in the free market and the worse off the people the more they clamor for the cause to become the fix.
1. Go on CBC Ontario and Promise to rob the west and give it to the east.
It's worked so well in the past with only the total collapse of the Canadian economy as a consequence, but who cares, Politicians don't suffer from loss in the free market and the worse off the people the more they clamor for the cause to become the fix.
# posted by 
: Monday, November 09, 2009 1:23:00 PM
: Monday, November 09, 2009 1:23:00 PM
The only hope the Liberals have of surviving the next election cycle is to steal NDP support away from them.
Don't bloggers bother to indicate when they're directly quoting someone else? Sloppy and the rest was mildy amusing at best.
Don't bloggers bother to indicate when they're directly quoting someone else? Sloppy and the rest was mildy amusing at best.
# posted by : Monday, November 09, 2009 1:29:00 PM
: Monday, November 09, 2009 1:29:00 PM
11. Elect and A Team leader:
McKenna keeps door ajar
FREDERICTON - Frank McKenna says he is prepared to return to public life, but only in the event of a national crisis.
http://telegraphjournal.canadaeast.com/front/article/851221
Bye bye Iffy, because I am sure that Liberals from coast to coast to coast agree,
getting back into government is a national crisis!
McKenna keeps door ajar
FREDERICTON - Frank McKenna says he is prepared to return to public life, but only in the event of a national crisis.
http://telegraphjournal.canadaeast.com/front/article/851221
Bye bye Iffy, because I am sure that Liberals from coast to coast to coast agree,
getting back into government is a national crisis!
"Don't bloggers bother to indicate when they're directly quoting someone else? Sloppy and the rest was mildy amusing at best."
Ouch. I am sure everyone would appreciate knowing who I am directly quoting. But it isn't exaclty "ask not what your country...." so, I don't think the person who invented the sentence should feel a whole lot of ownership over it.
Ouch. I am sure everyone would appreciate knowing who I am directly quoting. But it isn't exaclty "ask not what your country...." so, I don't think the person who invented the sentence should feel a whole lot of ownership over it.
Anonymous at 1:29:00 PM:
The linked article quoted the new-old Liberal messiah as essentially stating the necessity to divert NDP votes to the Iggerals:
" the Liberals won also because they depressed the NDP vote—7.5 per cent in 1993, 11 per cent in 1997 and 8.5 per cent in 2000. That's a big difference from the NDP polling at 18 or 19 per cent "
" The Liberals can't win, certainly can't win majority governments and probably have a hard time winning at all, with the NDP up there in those levels. "
Taking Donolo's advice to heart, I suggest a few more changes for Iffy:
1. Shave the top of your head, dye the rest white, and grow a bristly moustache.
2. Change your last name to "Layton" and your first name to "Jack".
The linked article quoted the new-old Liberal messiah as essentially stating the necessity to divert NDP votes to the Iggerals:
" the Liberals won also because they depressed the NDP vote—7.5 per cent in 1993, 11 per cent in 1997 and 8.5 per cent in 2000. That's a big difference from the NDP polling at 18 or 19 per cent "
" The Liberals can't win, certainly can't win majority governments and probably have a hard time winning at all, with the NDP up there in those levels. "
Taking Donolo's advice to heart, I suggest a few more changes for Iffy:
1. Shave the top of your head, dye the rest white, and grow a bristly moustache.
2. Change your last name to "Layton" and your first name to "Jack".
I assumed when you said 'Like Nik Nanos', that you were quoting Nik Nanos. As for the rest, I thought you were copying the Paul Martin strategy in a lot of items,
#13. Introduce a Kitten Registry.
This will prevent Conservatives from discreetly influencing Kittens, and thereby impose a stalwart wall of pure fluff, allowing the Liberals to attempt to maintain the remnant of the Feline vote, that they still have lingering upon their shrinking ideals.
The NDP will insist on green eco-friendly cats; the Libs can then say that all cats should be red (and read, with a simple nocturnal night-reader - trained upon their fluffy iridescent tattoo).
Don't laugh. Mayor Miller and City Council in Toronto have recently ordained that all cats should be registered. They don't want anyone else out there with more pussy than they may one day dream to have.
This scheme, like all other Liberal brain-strains, will fail. But it might sink the NDP (in the Liberal mind - therefore providing a reason for the party of Trudeau to apparently cling to life).
Of course, we Conservatives like the NDP 'cus they siphon off Liberal votes.
Whatever.
Under the dappled shades,
Of a full moon vivid
Stars cold and true,
All cats are blue.
At midnight.
This will prevent Conservatives from discreetly influencing Kittens, and thereby impose a stalwart wall of pure fluff, allowing the Liberals to attempt to maintain the remnant of the Feline vote, that they still have lingering upon their shrinking ideals.
The NDP will insist on green eco-friendly cats; the Libs can then say that all cats should be red (and read, with a simple nocturnal night-reader - trained upon their fluffy iridescent tattoo).
Don't laugh. Mayor Miller and City Council in Toronto have recently ordained that all cats should be registered. They don't want anyone else out there with more pussy than they may one day dream to have.
This scheme, like all other Liberal brain-strains, will fail. But it might sink the NDP (in the Liberal mind - therefore providing a reason for the party of Trudeau to apparently cling to life).
Of course, we Conservatives like the NDP 'cus they siphon off Liberal votes.
Whatever.
Under the dappled shades,
Of a full moon vivid
Stars cold and true,
All cats are blue.
At midnight.
Fuck, Midnight, why must you ...
Oh never mind.
You two are beyond redemption....
Oh never mind.
You two are beyond redemption....
# posted by : Monday, November 09, 2009 7:36:00 PM
: Monday, November 09, 2009 7:36:00 PM
The reason the Liberals and Dippers are riding low in the polls is because they are NOT sexy. This Country wants Sex; whether from an aging professor, or a frivolous socialist (though he does sport a moustache), or from a straight-laced PM who plays the piano and promises not to scare the shit out of everybody [at least until he scores a majority :)].
Women love unpredictability; it makes their life and love even more, exciting.
We Conservatives, have a duty to deliver.
Long Live The Empire!
Women love unpredictability; it makes their life and love even more, exciting.
We Conservatives, have a duty to deliver.
Long Live The Empire!
greg,
I was crediting him with the point, that's for sure, but I was not intending to suggest it was a direct quote. So, the accident is mine. The turn of phrase, at least for anonymous, is too valuable a literary treasure to go without attribution.
I was crediting him with the point, that's for sure, but I was not intending to suggest it was a direct quote. So, the accident is mine. The turn of phrase, at least for anonymous, is too valuable a literary treasure to go without attribution.
We need more Felines to contribute to this thread, so as to make it more Feline-contributable.
Just say 'Meow', if you want more Men like us.
Cats are cool.
Just say 'Meow', if you want more Men like us.
Cats are cool.
Fine. Only a second gear Bitch can presume to grind my fears.
# posted by : Tuesday, November 10, 2009 4:26:00 AM
: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 4:26:00 AM
Chucker, this advice to Iffy is brilliant, but your #7 nearly had me peeing my pants with laughter!
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# posted by : Tuesday, November 10, 2009 9:38:00 AM
: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 9:38:00 AM << Home
