Sunday, November 30, 2008
On second thought, I take it all back - Harper is 100% right
Faster than Gilles Duceppe, let me take back that last post. Well, no, it is still brazen to manufacture a crisis and then ask me to fund it. But its small potates compared to the real problem, the Liberal Party of Canada.
Item 1. The Green Shift
We have no clue what "stimulus" package they plan to foist on us. While the press gallery is a-twitter over who makes it into cabinet, no one has reported what the stimulus package Liberals feel is critical to impose immediately. The Liberals have a hidden stimulus package that will cost somewhere near $40 billion and either no reporter considers that worth reporting or the plan is being deliberately kept from the public by the Liberals. Or both.
The Dion-Rae camp will likely push implementing the Green Shift Carbon Tax immediately. Dion has advocated that the carbon tax would make Canada "megatonnes" of money. If he believes this, then he would be a cruel and terrible leader if he didn't implement the Carbon Tax.
The Ignatieff camp, through Warren Kinsella, has floated the concept of raising the goods and sales tax as a means of stimulating the economy. But that could be a nuance on the original Green Shift plan - you know, two taxes for the price of one will doubly stimulate consumer spending and capital markets.
Item 2. "No Coalition" during the campaign
Liberals, like the NDP and the Bloc Quebecois, campaigned on not forming a coalition. Not even a hundred days ago.
I can understand they don't want to give up a Red cent; afterall, they will likely fold without government subsidy. But so what? How is that my problem? More importantly: how is that NOT a Liberal problem; to be dealt with by Liberals?
The Liberal party - and this applies to the 86% funded Bloc Quebecois as well - have a lot of gall to be arguing that their health is a litmus test on the health of our democracy. A press gallery that would support that view should be ashamed of themselves as well.
IF this problem is not about party financing THEN the coalition should promise to Canadians that they will eliminate the per vote subsidy regardless of whatever carbon tax or sales tax they decide to impose on us to stimulate the economy. That should be a minimum condition to sell the credibility of this coalition.
If the Liberal party dies because of the per vote subsidy, current Liberal politicians shouldn't give a rat's ass. They will join other parties and, likely, form new ones as well. A dozen of them could make a formidable first caucus for the Green party. Some would switch to the Dippers. Some would switch to the Tories (like Keith Martin, Scott Brison and Frances Scarpallegia should). Tories did it so many times in the 90s and 00s its crazy - ask Deb Grey or Chuck Strahl.
Item 1. The Green Shift
We have no clue what "stimulus" package they plan to foist on us. While the press gallery is a-twitter over who makes it into cabinet, no one has reported what the stimulus package Liberals feel is critical to impose immediately. The Liberals have a hidden stimulus package that will cost somewhere near $40 billion and either no reporter considers that worth reporting or the plan is being deliberately kept from the public by the Liberals. Or both.
The Dion-Rae camp will likely push implementing the Green Shift Carbon Tax immediately. Dion has advocated that the carbon tax would make Canada "megatonnes" of money. If he believes this, then he would be a cruel and terrible leader if he didn't implement the Carbon Tax.
The Ignatieff camp, through Warren Kinsella, has floated the concept of raising the goods and sales tax as a means of stimulating the economy. But that could be a nuance on the original Green Shift plan - you know, two taxes for the price of one will doubly stimulate consumer spending and capital markets.
Item 2. "No Coalition" during the campaign
Liberals, like the NDP and the Bloc Quebecois, campaigned on not forming a coalition. Not even a hundred days ago.
I can understand they don't want to give up a Red cent; afterall, they will likely fold without government subsidy. But so what? How is that my problem? More importantly: how is that NOT a Liberal problem; to be dealt with by Liberals?
The Liberal party - and this applies to the 86% funded Bloc Quebecois as well - have a lot of gall to be arguing that their health is a litmus test on the health of our democracy. A press gallery that would support that view should be ashamed of themselves as well.
IF this problem is not about party financing THEN the coalition should promise to Canadians that they will eliminate the per vote subsidy regardless of whatever carbon tax or sales tax they decide to impose on us to stimulate the economy. That should be a minimum condition to sell the credibility of this coalition.
If the Liberal party dies because of the per vote subsidy, current Liberal politicians shouldn't give a rat's ass. They will join other parties and, likely, form new ones as well. A dozen of them could make a formidable first caucus for the Green party. Some would switch to the Dippers. Some would switch to the Tories (like Keith Martin, Scott Brison and Frances Scarpallegia should). Tories did it so many times in the 90s and 00s its crazy - ask Deb Grey or Chuck Strahl.
Labels: If its NOT about the per vote subsidy then you have to eliminate it to be credible
With kindness and respect: Bugger Off
Dear Tory braintrust,
I have been a loyal propagandist for years now. In fact, I have only disagreed with the party publicly during the same-sex marriage debate - years before I was even blogging. And, through the past days, I have been loyal to a fault. "To a fault" is an interesting way of putting it.
Sure, I agree with your economic update:
1. Parties should fund themselves.
2. No one, yet, has offered an intelligible "stimulus" package that would satisfy me (cutting taxes would be the only one that will satisfy me).
3. Unlike our opponents, I do not believe that we should imitate to the last detail what actions other governments are doing around the world. It strikes me as stupid. We have a very particular situation in Canada and therefore, German solutions will probably fail.
However, Tory actions have brought us to a point where the Bloc and Dippers could be shaping our response to the economic crisis. That has me terrified.
So, bugger off with your requests for additional funds from me. It is no more obscene than having Ford ask me to subsidize their manufacture of bolted junk. It is highly insulting that you would appeal for cash from me so you can deliver me into the empoverishing busom of a left wing cabal.
Yours, but not at any price,
Chuckercanuck
I have been a loyal propagandist for years now. In fact, I have only disagreed with the party publicly during the same-sex marriage debate - years before I was even blogging. And, through the past days, I have been loyal to a fault. "To a fault" is an interesting way of putting it.
Sure, I agree with your economic update:
1. Parties should fund themselves.
2. No one, yet, has offered an intelligible "stimulus" package that would satisfy me (cutting taxes would be the only one that will satisfy me).
3. Unlike our opponents, I do not believe that we should imitate to the last detail what actions other governments are doing around the world. It strikes me as stupid. We have a very particular situation in Canada and therefore, German solutions will probably fail.
However, Tory actions have brought us to a point where the Bloc and Dippers could be shaping our response to the economic crisis. That has me terrified.
So, bugger off with your requests for additional funds from me. It is no more obscene than having Ford ask me to subsidize their manufacture of bolted junk. It is highly insulting that you would appeal for cash from me so you can deliver me into the empoverishing busom of a left wing cabal.
Yours, but not at any price,
Chuckercanuck
Labels: getting fed up
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Dear Centrist Liberals: Do You Really Want Rae Days Back?
Consider what your leadership is about to do:
In the last election, Liberals promised a carbon tax. In recent days, Michael Ignatieff's crew have suggested that the appropriate stimulus package to jump-start the economy is raising the GST.
Centrist Liberals may not like the crime policies and/or orientations of many Tories on social issues, but you all know that raising taxes will be like dropping a daisy cutter onto the Canadian economy.
Centrist Liberals also know that rushing headlong into some massive spending binge to win a few nice headlines will likely end up with the same results as a hike in taxes, only with the added bonus of a bunch of Mirabel airports sprinkled across the land.
Centrist Liberals also know the effect on business investment when the business community sees a Dipper managing an economic portfolio in the federal government. And, the Liberal leadership can assure the business community that Dippers won't occupy such posts... but that just means Ujjal Donsanjh or Bob Rae will get their hands on one of those portfolios. A Dipper in Grit Clothing will scare away business investment just as fast as a Dipper in Dipper clothing.
There is an option:
Cross the Floor.
And if not actually becoming a Tory, break off from the left-wing leadership of your party that wants to inject a Castro-style stimulus into the economy. Form a coalition with the Tories - an economic stability coalition. It could even be a temporary structure that expires in say, 12 months.
In the last election, Liberals promised a carbon tax. In recent days, Michael Ignatieff's crew have suggested that the appropriate stimulus package to jump-start the economy is raising the GST.
Centrist Liberals may not like the crime policies and/or orientations of many Tories on social issues, but you all know that raising taxes will be like dropping a daisy cutter onto the Canadian economy.
Centrist Liberals also know that rushing headlong into some massive spending binge to win a few nice headlines will likely end up with the same results as a hike in taxes, only with the added bonus of a bunch of Mirabel airports sprinkled across the land.
Centrist Liberals also know the effect on business investment when the business community sees a Dipper managing an economic portfolio in the federal government. And, the Liberal leadership can assure the business community that Dippers won't occupy such posts... but that just means Ujjal Donsanjh or Bob Rae will get their hands on one of those portfolios. A Dipper in Grit Clothing will scare away business investment just as fast as a Dipper in Dipper clothing.
There is an option:
Cross the Floor.
And if not actually becoming a Tory, break off from the left-wing leadership of your party that wants to inject a Castro-style stimulus into the economy. Form a coalition with the Tories - an economic stability coalition. It could even be a temporary structure that expires in say, 12 months.
Labels: Give the Tories a majority to ensure stability
Friday, November 28, 2008
From the Minister of Finance, Gilles Duceppe
Monsieur Speaker,
I am here to give an economic update from the last economic update. Drastic measures are required to save the Quebec economy and this government intends to deliver drastic solutions:
1) As I have argued along with my separatist compatriots, Quebec's economy suffers from its political relations with the rest of Canada. Therefore, I declare Quebec a free and independent country as of today in order to stimulate the Quebec economy.
2) Meanwhile, as negotiations between Canada and Quebec are undertaken, I will boost equalization to Quebec by $46 billion. Per year.
3) As the Prime Minister proposed in the last campaign, our government will immediately impose a carbon tax of $40 per tonne of GHG emissions. However, this alone will not close the deficit created by my Quebec-only stimulus package, and so, as per Michael Ignatieff's suggestion, the GST will be raised from 5% to 12%. Yes, this will put consumers in a bit of a bind. But, the government will still be swimming in surpluses and that's what counts.
Oh, and for those bastards who thought cutting my government subsidy was a good idea, I announce that henceforth as a means of increasing consumer spending, all individual contributions to political parties are banned. Political parties will only be allowed to fund activities through government financing.
I am here to give an economic update from the last economic update. Drastic measures are required to save the Quebec economy and this government intends to deliver drastic solutions:
1) As I have argued along with my separatist compatriots, Quebec's economy suffers from its political relations with the rest of Canada. Therefore, I declare Quebec a free and independent country as of today in order to stimulate the Quebec economy.
2) Meanwhile, as negotiations between Canada and Quebec are undertaken, I will boost equalization to Quebec by $46 billion. Per year.
3) As the Prime Minister proposed in the last campaign, our government will immediately impose a carbon tax of $40 per tonne of GHG emissions. However, this alone will not close the deficit created by my Quebec-only stimulus package, and so, as per Michael Ignatieff's suggestion, the GST will be raised from 5% to 12%. Yes, this will put consumers in a bit of a bind. But, the government will still be swimming in surpluses and that's what counts.
Oh, and for those bastards who thought cutting my government subsidy was a good idea, I announce that henceforth as a means of increasing consumer spending, all individual contributions to political parties are banned. Political parties will only be allowed to fund activities through government financing.
Labels: Bloc Times are Strange Times
Climbing Down
Paul Wells speculates that the Tories will be climbing down on their promise to eliminate the per-vote subsidy parties receive from the federal government. This isn't such a bad idea....
---------
Mister Speaker,
In the middle of an economic crisis, the opposition parties have vowed to topple the governmennt over concerns that their own budgets will no longer be subsidized by the government. Unable to finance their own activities due to disinterest in their political activities, the opposition parties would sooner send the federal government into turmoil and instability rather than solicit support from the individual citizens.
While the government of Canada is greatly disappointed by the self-interest motivating the opposition's actions and their general disinterest in the needs of Canadians, stability in this time of crisis overrides such concerns. As such, we will continue to fund political parties according to current financing practices.
---------
Now, let me ask you: what happens if the opposition then suddenly decides to vote for the government?
---------
Mister Speaker,
In the middle of an economic crisis, the opposition parties have vowed to topple the governmennt over concerns that their own budgets will no longer be subsidized by the government. Unable to finance their own activities due to disinterest in their political activities, the opposition parties would sooner send the federal government into turmoil and instability rather than solicit support from the individual citizens.
While the government of Canada is greatly disappointed by the self-interest motivating the opposition's actions and their general disinterest in the needs of Canadians, stability in this time of crisis overrides such concerns. As such, we will continue to fund political parties according to current financing practices.
---------
Now, let me ask you: what happens if the opposition then suddenly decides to vote for the government?
Labels: Good luck opposition
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Breaking News: Iggy Wants to Raise Taxes
As we all know, Warren Kinsella is the cyber-spokesperson for the Ignatieff campaign. Clearly, he does not speak without some official clearance from the forever-next great Liberal leader.
In today's postings, Warren suggests that the GST be raised during a period of economic turmoil. I am not kidding.
To Ontario's automotive industry, the Kinsella-Iggy tax plan would be a kiss of death as it would send consumer spending into the toilet. Like the Iggy-inspired carbon tax, a GST raise is a tax on everything that hurts everyone. But especially, a GST tax raise will hurt low-income Canadians who need help not grabs for their wallets.
Even Barack Obama has pledged not to raise taxes during this crisis....
Are the Iggy folks so clueless about the economy and so insulated by the pain on main street that they would sooner raise taxes than reduce political party spending?
Women of Canada: be very afraid. Ignatieff is no centrist. He and his team are high-taxing, big-spending, know-nothing technocrats who know how to use your money much better than you.
In today's postings, Warren suggests that the GST be raised during a period of economic turmoil. I am not kidding.
To Ontario's automotive industry, the Kinsella-Iggy tax plan would be a kiss of death as it would send consumer spending into the toilet. Like the Iggy-inspired carbon tax, a GST raise is a tax on everything that hurts everyone. But especially, a GST tax raise will hurt low-income Canadians who need help not grabs for their wallets.
Even Barack Obama has pledged not to raise taxes during this crisis....
Are the Iggy folks so clueless about the economy and so insulated by the pain on main street that they would sooner raise taxes than reduce political party spending?
Women of Canada: be very afraid. Ignatieff is no centrist. He and his team are high-taxing, big-spending, know-nothing technocrats who know how to use your money much better than you.
Labels: Fun that Warren would let us know what Iggy is thinking
What? You mean we'll have to work for our money?
Like Springer, I would like to congratulate the government on an important gesture of belt tightening: eliminating the government funding of political parties. Nothing has been announced yet, but even speculation on the move has led opposition parties to go ballistic.
Elizabeth May calls it an attack on democracy.
Well, the current financing system makes the entry of new political parties difficult. They must compete against entrenched parties without the same financing advantage. If anything, Miss May would like to avoid situations where a second Green party - say, one that doesn't cosy up to the "didn't get it done" Liberals - might emerge. Who is trying to silence emerging voices in our democracy? Elizabeth May!
Thomas Mulcair and Liberals call it an attack on something fundamental to a healthy democracy.
Well, if a political party cannot raise funds through donations from party supporters, then it really isn't much of a party. The idea is: citizen X gives cash to party Y because she believes governance program Z is what Canada needs to improve the welfare of the citizens. But, especially when it comes to Liberals, the feeling is: citizen X expects the government to fund party Y so that when party Y weasels into government, it can hand cash to citizen X. Something rather ass-backwards.
Where are all the Hope&Changers?
Suddenly, the Canadian contingent of the Obama-nation have conveniently buried their passports to Hope and Change. Just months ago, we all marvelled at the awesome power of fundraising from average citizens over the internet. Small drops of change in mass numbers add up to very big amounts. Why all the long faces, Obama-wannabes? You've seen how it gets done. Go do it. Or, perhaps, is the problem that you admit from the get-go that your ideas aren't going to spark the same outpouring of support?
Tories are hit hardest
It goes without saying, the party that will suffer the greatest - by far - from this move is the governing party, the Tories. We will see party funds drop orders of magnitude more than a pesky Green party or Bloc Quebecois.
So, here's the empty threat the opposition are making: cut the funding, lose our confidence. Then, on the election campaign, the opposition will be arguing that during an economic crisis, they wanted to keep our fat checks coming in from the government. Canadians should tighten their belts, not them. We therefore defeated the government on the promise that if elected, we would restore funding to ourselves.
Yes, its a killer argument.
Elizabeth May calls it an attack on democracy.
Well, the current financing system makes the entry of new political parties difficult. They must compete against entrenched parties without the same financing advantage. If anything, Miss May would like to avoid situations where a second Green party - say, one that doesn't cosy up to the "didn't get it done" Liberals - might emerge. Who is trying to silence emerging voices in our democracy? Elizabeth May!
Thomas Mulcair and Liberals call it an attack on something fundamental to a healthy democracy.
Well, if a political party cannot raise funds through donations from party supporters, then it really isn't much of a party. The idea is: citizen X gives cash to party Y because she believes governance program Z is what Canada needs to improve the welfare of the citizens. But, especially when it comes to Liberals, the feeling is: citizen X expects the government to fund party Y so that when party Y weasels into government, it can hand cash to citizen X. Something rather ass-backwards.
Where are all the Hope&Changers?
Suddenly, the Canadian contingent of the Obama-nation have conveniently buried their passports to Hope and Change. Just months ago, we all marvelled at the awesome power of fundraising from average citizens over the internet. Small drops of change in mass numbers add up to very big amounts. Why all the long faces, Obama-wannabes? You've seen how it gets done. Go do it. Or, perhaps, is the problem that you admit from the get-go that your ideas aren't going to spark the same outpouring of support?
Tories are hit hardest
It goes without saying, the party that will suffer the greatest - by far - from this move is the governing party, the Tories. We will see party funds drop orders of magnitude more than a pesky Green party or Bloc Quebecois.
So, here's the empty threat the opposition are making: cut the funding, lose our confidence. Then, on the election campaign, the opposition will be arguing that during an economic crisis, they wanted to keep our fat checks coming in from the government. Canadians should tighten their belts, not them. We therefore defeated the government on the promise that if elected, we would restore funding to ourselves.
Yes, its a killer argument.
Labels: We all want to hear what iffy Iggy thinks about this
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Politically Incorrect Death & Suffering
MEMO
TO: Carleton University Staff & Students
FROM: Carleton University Diversity Compliance Officer
SUBJECT: Banned Diseases
Hello Carelton Community,
As the person charged with ensuring that Carleton University maintains an environment of diversity, I have been disturbed by attempts to fundraise for research into diseases that are ethnocentric in nature. In response, I am banning all activities that focus on such diseases and would ask students and staff to repudiate any malign persons who might attempt to circumvent this ban. Any researchers caught using university resources in the study of these diseases will be expelled from the university without the right of appeal.
The following diseases have been banned:
AIDS. As Bono says, it is the scourge of Africa. The disease has become too black for Carelton University.
LUPUS. See AIDS.
Breast Cancer. This disease is not gender neutral and therefore must be banned from campus.
Prostate Cancer. See breast cancer.
Skin Cancer. This disease affects white people disproportionately and therefore would be a stain on Carleton's diversity programmes.
Please note, my staff is working to pull together a comprehensive list of diseases that we consider damaging to our goals of making Carleton an inclusive center of excellence. Along with issuing this comprehensive list in a subsequent email, diversity training officers will be dispatched to monitor campus activities and enforce compliance.
We thank you for your collaboration.
TO: Carleton University Staff & Students
FROM: Carleton University Diversity Compliance Officer
SUBJECT: Banned Diseases
Hello Carelton Community,
As the person charged with ensuring that Carleton University maintains an environment of diversity, I have been disturbed by attempts to fundraise for research into diseases that are ethnocentric in nature. In response, I am banning all activities that focus on such diseases and would ask students and staff to repudiate any malign persons who might attempt to circumvent this ban. Any researchers caught using university resources in the study of these diseases will be expelled from the university without the right of appeal.
The following diseases have been banned:
AIDS. As Bono says, it is the scourge of Africa. The disease has become too black for Carelton University.
LUPUS. See AIDS.
Breast Cancer. This disease is not gender neutral and therefore must be banned from campus.
Prostate Cancer. See breast cancer.
Skin Cancer. This disease affects white people disproportionately and therefore would be a stain on Carleton's diversity programmes.
Please note, my staff is working to pull together a comprehensive list of diseases that we consider damaging to our goals of making Carleton an inclusive center of excellence. Along with issuing this comprehensive list in a subsequent email, diversity training officers will be dispatched to monitor campus activities and enforce compliance.
We thank you for your collaboration.
Labels: If only the real world had the same sweet freedoms as the academic world
Monday, November 24, 2008
Lessons in Spin
The Hill Times has an article about how "most" Conservatives are happy with Stephen Harper. But here's the tickler bi-line:
"But some Conservatives say if Stephen Harper doesn't win a majority next time, it's time to go."
Oh, yeah? Who says that? Nobody, according to the article. Not a single person put a name to that quote. Not even the usual tactic of suggesting the role such a Conservative plays - "senior Tory", "party organizer", "eternal crank". As far as I can tell, this disgruntled Tory is merely a figment of a bored journalists imagination.
And I don't blame a journalist, stuck covering the Tory party, for making stuff up. Afterall, good news is not news. Happy people are not newsworthy. And Tories are happy.
Instead, the journalists lucky enough to be covering the Liberals get to splash ink about the bickering, ankle-biting and guffaw-making that pours forth from Gritty blackberries on an hourly basis. Catholics fleeing the Liberal party? Let's hope they do it in an orderly fashion as there is already a throng at that particular exit.
And, I might recommend my fellow papists tread carefully into the Tory tent as the throng going in is as large as the throng leaving Liberal ranks. Why? Because Canadians are happy with Stephen Harper. Tories, contrary to what the article says, aren't happy: they are ecstatic.
He doesn't need to win a majority. Tories don't count the score merely by the seats in the house. We aren't here to win for the sake of winning. We are here to make Canada better and who better for that task than Canada's greatest Prime Minister?
"But some Conservatives say if Stephen Harper doesn't win a majority next time, it's time to go."
Oh, yeah? Who says that? Nobody, according to the article. Not a single person put a name to that quote. Not even the usual tactic of suggesting the role such a Conservative plays - "senior Tory", "party organizer", "eternal crank". As far as I can tell, this disgruntled Tory is merely a figment of a bored journalists imagination.
And I don't blame a journalist, stuck covering the Tory party, for making stuff up. Afterall, good news is not news. Happy people are not newsworthy. And Tories are happy.
Instead, the journalists lucky enough to be covering the Liberals get to splash ink about the bickering, ankle-biting and guffaw-making that pours forth from Gritty blackberries on an hourly basis. Catholics fleeing the Liberal party? Let's hope they do it in an orderly fashion as there is already a throng at that particular exit.
And, I might recommend my fellow papists tread carefully into the Tory tent as the throng going in is as large as the throng leaving Liberal ranks. Why? Because Canadians are happy with Stephen Harper. Tories, contrary to what the article says, aren't happy: they are ecstatic.
He doesn't need to win a majority. Tories don't count the score merely by the seats in the house. We aren't here to win for the sake of winning. We are here to make Canada better and who better for that task than Canada's greatest Prime Minister?
Labels: Harpermaniac Forever
Friday, November 21, 2008
The Toronto Report
Yesterday in Toronto. Between two meetings and a scramble back to the airport, I managed a tour of the Art Gallery of Ontario. As locals probably know but the rest of us might not: the AGO was overhauled by susperstar architect Frank Gherry. My review is simple:
Its way cool. A beautiful building with the best space to queue for tickets in whole wide world.
Toronto, my friends, is a jewel on the Canadian landscape and it is time folks from Placentia bay to Campbell's River consider it as such.
However, it is still a bumby road for Toronto on its quest for world classdom. Here's an example of stuff to work on:
In the AGO, I walked into one gallery that had as its title: "History and Her Story". I kid you not. Hundreds of millions are spent on this museum and the folk running the place slap up the most sophmoric title ever conceived. I suddenly felt trapped in a Sociology 101 world and expected museum staff to walk by dressed in guatamalan sweaters complaining about how tired they are because they didn't get enough sleep the night before.
I realize that Toronto is the birth place of political correctness, but c'mon - don't you see there is a fine line between inclusiveness and dweebishness? And, for that matter, you have all crossed that line years ago and are miles, miles away from that it today? Toronto's potential is enormous - forget being another New York - you could be another London! Don't let the Warren Kinsellas of the world flatten your souls with false goodi-goodiness and politically correct facism.
Its way cool. A beautiful building with the best space to queue for tickets in whole wide world.
Toronto, my friends, is a jewel on the Canadian landscape and it is time folks from Placentia bay to Campbell's River consider it as such.
However, it is still a bumby road for Toronto on its quest for world classdom. Here's an example of stuff to work on:
In the AGO, I walked into one gallery that had as its title: "History and Her Story". I kid you not. Hundreds of millions are spent on this museum and the folk running the place slap up the most sophmoric title ever conceived. I suddenly felt trapped in a Sociology 101 world and expected museum staff to walk by dressed in guatamalan sweaters complaining about how tired they are because they didn't get enough sleep the night before.
I realize that Toronto is the birth place of political correctness, but c'mon - don't you see there is a fine line between inclusiveness and dweebishness? And, for that matter, you have all crossed that line years ago and are miles, miles away from that it today? Toronto's potential is enormous - forget being another New York - you could be another London! Don't let the Warren Kinsellas of the world flatten your souls with false goodi-goodiness and politically correct facism.
Labels: Gone to Vermont - see you Sunday
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Warren Kinsella, 2018
Women of Canada:
Do not re-elect Prime Minister Flaherty - he has a hidden agenda to take away your right to an abortion. Don't be fooled by the last 12 years of Conservative rule. They plan to spring their hidden agenda on us any minute.
(NOTE: No, this isn't an attempt to distract you from the fact that this forth leadership bid from Michael Ignatieff is completely devoid of purpose other than vanity.)
Do not re-elect Prime Minister Flaherty - he has a hidden agenda to take away your right to an abortion. Don't be fooled by the last 12 years of Conservative rule. They plan to spring their hidden agenda on us any minute.
(NOTE: No, this isn't an attempt to distract you from the fact that this forth leadership bid from Michael Ignatieff is completely devoid of purpose other than vanity.)
Labels: Stupid cookie-making women will probably get suckered again
Monday, November 17, 2008
You can't have Hall without the Oates
Nothing sucks harder than the break-up of an artistic partnership like Lennon-McCartney, Simon & Garfunkel - or, more recently, Jackson-al Kalifa. Sure, like the others, they'll each go make music in solo careers, but whatever music Michael Jackson or the Prince of Bahrain do make, it will be tinged with the bitter sweet question of what could have been.
At least for the Prince of Bahrain, I don't think his quest for the perfect pop duo should end there. The Prince should reach out, naturally, to Prince.
At least for the Prince of Bahrain, I don't think his quest for the perfect pop duo should end there. The Prince should reach out, naturally, to Prince.
Labels: Maybe Bob and Iggy should cut an album
Saturday, November 15, 2008
This Little Iggy Went to Market?
The Iggy Two-For is pure coincidence. However, a brief, bubbly appearance on CBC's Go this morning from the Liberal leadership front-runner left me stunned:
Casually and, almost, with pride, Michael Ignatieff declared he owned no stocks. He never owned a single stock in his entire life. No mutual funds, nothing.
That's right, the future would-be king has no personal experience of making a single decision around investing in companies. Not even with his banker to decide whether to put RRSP contributions into a dividend fund or index fund. He wouldn't know the difference. Or, if at best, he understood the notional difference, he had no experience of the difference.
I have a nightmare: a money making machine lustily dropping dollops of corporate subsidies as a "strategic partner to business" under the command of Iggy the Impervious. If he screws up? What does he care! It won't even bruise his mountain of GICs.
Hopefully, the media will take up this startling revelation as it automatically disqualifies him from the position he seeks.
Casually and, almost, with pride, Michael Ignatieff declared he owned no stocks. He never owned a single stock in his entire life. No mutual funds, nothing.
That's right, the future would-be king has no personal experience of making a single decision around investing in companies. Not even with his banker to decide whether to put RRSP contributions into a dividend fund or index fund. He wouldn't know the difference. Or, if at best, he understood the notional difference, he had no experience of the difference.
I have a nightmare: a money making machine lustily dropping dollops of corporate subsidies as a "strategic partner to business" under the command of Iggy the Impervious. If he screws up? What does he care! It won't even bruise his mountain of GICs.
Hopefully, the media will take up this startling revelation as it automatically disqualifies him from the position he seeks.
Labels: Now I understand why Greeks gave only landowners the vote
Friday, November 14, 2008
Iggy and Warren Now Sitting in a Tree
Its official:
Warren Kinsella is to Iggy what Jason Cherniak was to Stephane Dion!
Not worried, fellow Tories? Enjoying this gossip over martinis in Winnipeg this week (sorry I couldn't join you - work first)? Well, let me give you a flavor of what's to come:
One. Iggy will Kinsella-fy his language by morphing the proper names of things into insulting - well, by juvenile standards at least - variants. Flop & Mail, National Pest, PeeTV, Tories become the Sorries, Montreal becomes Duncetreal. Iggy will smile cutely and wrinkle his nose everytime he reaches for such a Kinsellism.
Two. Whenever Iggy is backed into a corner, we will be showered with diverting punk rock trivia. Perhaps Iggy will even start his own punk rock band - he has the name for it, we must admit.
Three. Suddenly, Iggy will start calling everyone a racist. Want to cut taxes? Racist! Want to review food inspection standards? Bigot! Want to invest in urban infrastructure? Neo-Nazi! And Dippers, don't think you'll be excluded from the hate-on-hate festivities. Everyone's a target unless you submit now to the crushing tide of Ignatieff-mania sweeping Etobicoke.
Warren Kinsella is to Iggy what Jason Cherniak was to Stephane Dion!
Not worried, fellow Tories? Enjoying this gossip over martinis in Winnipeg this week (sorry I couldn't join you - work first)? Well, let me give you a flavor of what's to come:
One. Iggy will Kinsella-fy his language by morphing the proper names of things into insulting - well, by juvenile standards at least - variants. Flop & Mail, National Pest, PeeTV, Tories become the Sorries, Montreal becomes Duncetreal. Iggy will smile cutely and wrinkle his nose everytime he reaches for such a Kinsellism.
Two. Whenever Iggy is backed into a corner, we will be showered with diverting punk rock trivia. Perhaps Iggy will even start his own punk rock band - he has the name for it, we must admit.
Three. Suddenly, Iggy will start calling everyone a racist. Want to cut taxes? Racist! Want to review food inspection standards? Bigot! Want to invest in urban infrastructure? Neo-Nazi! And Dippers, don't think you'll be excluded from the hate-on-hate festivities. Everyone's a target unless you submit now to the crushing tide of Ignatieff-mania sweeping Etobicoke.
Labels: Now the snide anti-Rae comments make sense
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Mid-Week Newsflashes
Newsflash: Nothing in life is free!
So a doctor says to me as he is writing up a prescription: "are you covered by insurance?" I nod. "Good," he answers, "because this stuff is rather pricey." Dear Dr. Dolt, do you think that because my insurance covers this crap that its suddenly free? Do you think that it disappears down a money-spewing black hole? Insurance companies collect more than they disperse. That is how they make profit. Nothing is free!
Newsflash: What's True in Quebec City is True in Ottawa!
Dear Premier Charest, you insist that our economic turmoil requires the stability of a majority government in the provincial capital. But last month, during the worst of the crisis (so far), you did not urge Quebeckers to award a majority mandate in Ottawa to ensure stability. So what is it? You only give half-a-crap about economic stability or the majority government plea is milarkey?
Newsflash: Stephen Harper will be Obama's poodle
Dear Iggy, dream on! The premise of your campaign will be, "hey, let's offer the Harvard grad president a Harvard teaching PM." This ploy would embarass Canadians and by the time you get in position to make the argument, Stephen Harper will have accomplished too much with Obama already.
Newsflash: Justin Trudeau has my respect, sort of
During all the Remembrance Day ceremonies, the comments that stood out most for me came from Justin Trudeau. Impossible! Actually, unlike his Liberal colleagues, Justin Trudeau was unqualified and unapologetic in his support of the Afghan mission.
Newsflash: The CBC, however, Does Not
While I give them credit for their coverage yesterday, it is hard for me to listen to it knowing that when allowed to speak freely, CBCers rage against the Afghan mission. Anne-Marie Legace-Dowson, for example, during her losing Dipper campaign, was aggressively anti-Afghan mission. Apparently, she prefers a world in which the Taliban run from Canadian soldiers, but toss acid in schoolgirls faces.
So a doctor says to me as he is writing up a prescription: "are you covered by insurance?" I nod. "Good," he answers, "because this stuff is rather pricey." Dear Dr. Dolt, do you think that because my insurance covers this crap that its suddenly free? Do you think that it disappears down a money-spewing black hole? Insurance companies collect more than they disperse. That is how they make profit. Nothing is free!
Newsflash: What's True in Quebec City is True in Ottawa!
Dear Premier Charest, you insist that our economic turmoil requires the stability of a majority government in the provincial capital. But last month, during the worst of the crisis (so far), you did not urge Quebeckers to award a majority mandate in Ottawa to ensure stability. So what is it? You only give half-a-crap about economic stability or the majority government plea is milarkey?
Newsflash: Stephen Harper will be Obama's poodle
Dear Iggy, dream on! The premise of your campaign will be, "hey, let's offer the Harvard grad president a Harvard teaching PM." This ploy would embarass Canadians and by the time you get in position to make the argument, Stephen Harper will have accomplished too much with Obama already.
Newsflash: Justin Trudeau has my respect, sort of
During all the Remembrance Day ceremonies, the comments that stood out most for me came from Justin Trudeau. Impossible! Actually, unlike his Liberal colleagues, Justin Trudeau was unqualified and unapologetic in his support of the Afghan mission.
Newsflash: The CBC, however, Does Not
While I give them credit for their coverage yesterday, it is hard for me to listen to it knowing that when allowed to speak freely, CBCers rage against the Afghan mission. Anne-Marie Legace-Dowson, for example, during her losing Dipper campaign, was aggressively anti-Afghan mission. Apparently, she prefers a world in which the Taliban run from Canadian soldiers, but toss acid in schoolgirls faces.
Labels: Basement renovations have my attention these days
Monday, November 10, 2008
The Bail-Out Bounty
Thanks to governments across the continent, the Big Three automakers will be rescued from their own disaster-making and promise an exciting line-up of new models for the coming spring. Chuckercanuck is pleased to highlight one from each of these bohemoth companies to get you car-lovers licking your chops.
From Ford: The Pensioner.
Stripped down, bare bones - Ford is pleased to offer its demanding customers the most efficient, light-weight car ever marketed. We've left only what's necessary in every car: the crippling burden of union pensions. When you drive a Pensioner, you're saying un-fancy is the new fancy.
From Chrysler: The Box.
Chrysler knows that its drivers never do anything less than 100%, so why not take our styling to the limit? Introducing The Box - a non-sleek cube on wheels that will turn necks as folks decide if your car is the future or a horrible, ugly mistake gone wrong. When you drive The Box, you're letting all the ugly girls in town know your on the prowl.
From GM: The Chevy Mammoth.
At GM, we pride ourselves in doing the unpopular. The market wants compact? We'll bet on gargantuan. Introducting the Chevy Mammoth - the world's largest SUV with seating for 14 and all the features you expect from an executive SUV. Go off trail with the sales team in your new Chevy Mammoth. Big like the land.
From Ford: The Pensioner.
Stripped down, bare bones - Ford is pleased to offer its demanding customers the most efficient, light-weight car ever marketed. We've left only what's necessary in every car: the crippling burden of union pensions. When you drive a Pensioner, you're saying un-fancy is the new fancy.
From Chrysler: The Box.
Chrysler knows that its drivers never do anything less than 100%, so why not take our styling to the limit? Introducing The Box - a non-sleek cube on wheels that will turn necks as folks decide if your car is the future or a horrible, ugly mistake gone wrong. When you drive The Box, you're letting all the ugly girls in town know your on the prowl.
From GM: The Chevy Mammoth.
At GM, we pride ourselves in doing the unpopular. The market wants compact? We'll bet on gargantuan. Introducting the Chevy Mammoth - the world's largest SUV with seating for 14 and all the features you expect from an executive SUV. Go off trail with the sales team in your new Chevy Mammoth. Big like the land.
Labels: Diversity isn't just about social justice
Friday, November 07, 2008
No More Free Rides
So says the Dion-Man-Walking. That's what a leader has to say when every source of party funding is shrinking faster than the Arctic polar ice cap. The only possible source of new funding the Liberals can find is bribes from the Tories to keep them in Abstainistan.
Its remarkable how aggressive and unconciliatory the Liberals are at the outset of a new parliament. Just weeks ago, they were telling us that Canada was in an economic catastrophe. So, they promise that along with economic turbulence will come a bunch of political turbulence from sabre-rattlers in death throes.
Meanwhile, they are tearing themselves to shreds. Again. Thankfully, we've all grown bored enough with that story line to quickly skip over it.
Its remarkable how aggressive and unconciliatory the Liberals are at the outset of a new parliament. Just weeks ago, they were telling us that Canada was in an economic catastrophe. So, they promise that along with economic turbulence will come a bunch of political turbulence from sabre-rattlers in death throes.
Meanwhile, they are tearing themselves to shreds. Again. Thankfully, we've all grown bored enough with that story line to quickly skip over it.
Labels: Yeah yeah I am a day late on that one
Thursday, November 06, 2008
PQ to Woody Allen: We thought Bananas was a Documentary
I thought the Bloc had nutty posters in the last election, but the PQs campaign posters are perhaps the creepiest I have seen in my democracy. These posters are just a picture of the leader, Pauline Marois, and the campaign slogan: "Quebec Wins with Pauline".
Sounds innocent enough, right? Well, take a look at the picture her PR guys crafted. Tell me the last portraits these PR folks did weren't for Kim Jong Il and Hugo Chavez. Pauline, Kim Jong and Hugo stare into the future, each brimming with vision for their people. Not looking at us peasants, but looking past them, into the the sunny future of our grandchildren will enjoy thanks to them.
Je ne pense pas.
Labels: Another Campaign 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Illinois does it again
I have a mortgage and a job, so I won't spend more time on the election than now. I've seen enough: Barack Obama has kicked some ass. Not a full-throttled whooping but an authoratative smack down.
He does not lose on race, but he does not win on race either: this side did what it could to make him an unelectable choice for a bunch of good reasons - namely his bad foreign policy and his badder economic policy. Still, he won because, well, he is a winner.
Maybe America is about to lurch left on a couple of things, guided by outright academic pinkos with very crazy ideas about human nature and therefore policies to regulate the lives of human beings. But America still loves a winner. Human beings love a winner. Maybe the lurch isn't so crazy after all.
And us right-wingers who, at least in my case, took out the near-last portion of s 400th anniversary blend of Bushmills to watch the slaughter, should cheer up, the next four years brings us:
1. A fantastic first lady and daughters.
2. Bidenisms.
3. The great, great likelihood that the next time a senator is caught trying to have sex with a police officer in a men's room at an airport, he'll be a Democrat. (Ditto the congressman looking to collect nude photos of 16 year old pages.)
I like a winner too. So, I hope Senator Obama becomes one of the great presidents of the United States - even though he sort of is already.
He does not lose on race, but he does not win on race either: this side did what it could to make him an unelectable choice for a bunch of good reasons - namely his bad foreign policy and his badder economic policy. Still, he won because, well, he is a winner.
Maybe America is about to lurch left on a couple of things, guided by outright academic pinkos with very crazy ideas about human nature and therefore policies to regulate the lives of human beings. But America still loves a winner. Human beings love a winner. Maybe the lurch isn't so crazy after all.
And us right-wingers who, at least in my case, took out the near-last portion of s 400th anniversary blend of Bushmills to watch the slaughter, should cheer up, the next four years brings us:
1. A fantastic first lady and daughters.
2. Bidenisms.
3. The great, great likelihood that the next time a senator is caught trying to have sex with a police officer in a men's room at an airport, he'll be a Democrat. (Ditto the congressman looking to collect nude photos of 16 year old pages.)
I like a winner too. So, I hope Senator Obama becomes one of the great presidents of the United States - even though he sort of is already.
Labels: Palin 2012
The Comrade Bradley Effect
Let's imagine, for a moment, the impossible happens: John McCain wins today. Sure, its nice when your team wins, but the consequences could be terrible. Afterall, we have read, over and over, that there could only be one possible reason for an Obama loss: he is half-black and racism will do him in.
Racism has been the great deflector of all criticism of Barack Obama. Some months ago, I mocked Barack Obama for promising to alter sea levels in the first 60 days of his presidency. For pointing out that risible comment, I was declared a racist by Canadian Cynic and his band of snarky slugs. Of course Obama will alter sea levels and level mountains and resurrect the Dodo Bird and move asteroids in deep space currently on a collision course with Earth by telekenesis. To suggest otherwise is racist.
Sorry buddies. If Obama whoops us, it was because he was amazing. Not because he was shielded by a collection of anti-racists. If Obama whoops us, it is not because we gave it as good as we could. He will have earned the win. No handicap. No leg-up. No assist from the Starbucks crowd.
But if he doesn't win, let me explain to you why:
Because people take his words seriously. Words, to quote his Him-ness, matter. Windfall profit taxes. Gutting trade agreements. A shift to more expensive forms of energy. The Quebecification of American labor. The end of broadcasting rights. Spreading the wealth. He campaigned on these things.
It is not his blackness, nor his big ears, nor funny name, nor his non-existant record of accomplishment. It is his socialism.
Racism has been the great deflector of all criticism of Barack Obama. Some months ago, I mocked Barack Obama for promising to alter sea levels in the first 60 days of his presidency. For pointing out that risible comment, I was declared a racist by Canadian Cynic and his band of snarky slugs. Of course Obama will alter sea levels and level mountains and resurrect the Dodo Bird and move asteroids in deep space currently on a collision course with Earth by telekenesis. To suggest otherwise is racist.
Sorry buddies. If Obama whoops us, it was because he was amazing. Not because he was shielded by a collection of anti-racists. If Obama whoops us, it is not because we gave it as good as we could. He will have earned the win. No handicap. No leg-up. No assist from the Starbucks crowd.
But if he doesn't win, let me explain to you why:
Because people take his words seriously. Words, to quote his Him-ness, matter. Windfall profit taxes. Gutting trade agreements. A shift to more expensive forms of energy. The Quebecification of American labor. The end of broadcasting rights. Spreading the wealth. He campaigned on these things.
It is not his blackness, nor his big ears, nor funny name, nor his non-existant record of accomplishment. It is his socialism.
Labels: But this is all speculation anyway
Monday, November 03, 2008
There is but one love letter: W
Dear George,
They tell me you are stupid. Well, let me specify: stupid people tell me you are stupid. Even stupider people tell me you are an evil genius bent on mass slaughter to put a few coins in your buddies pockets. It doesn't really matter if you are a genius or a dunce, tomorrow, the whole shebang comes to an end.
And when it does end, there will be you, Laura and Me. I'll go down with the ship, not sure who steered what into the iceberg, but willing to take the hit regardless. I do so with some comfort knowing that the only reason you have the lowest approval ratings in history is that we haven't been measuring approval ratings for all that long.
Afterall, what would Washington's approval ratings be like after Jay's Treaty? In eight years, he went from hero to traitor and took a long while to get back into hero country. Other presidents had hit unmeasured lows too, including Lincoln and Jackson - maybe your face will grace the American loony one day.
I'm tired of the arguments. I'm tired of speculating where all the Jews were on 9/11. I'm tired of listening to teachers and cubicle workers suddenly explain military strategy to me. I'm tired of hearing about a train-wrecked US economy from folks who think debt in Quebec - or France and Germany - counts for nothing. Cause we like those countries.
The other guys won. We lost. The barbarians aren't at the gate, they are in the treasury spying windfall profit taxes as we speak.
Still, let me state three things I know:
1. Whoever replaces you will consolidate and cement your legacy. Obama, McCain - it doesn't matter.
2. In twenty years, the whole thing will shake out and your contribution to America will be understood.
3. If it were you running for a third term, you'd win in a cakewalk. Well, a 52% - 48% cakewalk.
Yours always,
Chuckercanuck
They tell me you are stupid. Well, let me specify: stupid people tell me you are stupid. Even stupider people tell me you are an evil genius bent on mass slaughter to put a few coins in your buddies pockets. It doesn't really matter if you are a genius or a dunce, tomorrow, the whole shebang comes to an end.
And when it does end, there will be you, Laura and Me. I'll go down with the ship, not sure who steered what into the iceberg, but willing to take the hit regardless. I do so with some comfort knowing that the only reason you have the lowest approval ratings in history is that we haven't been measuring approval ratings for all that long.
Afterall, what would Washington's approval ratings be like after Jay's Treaty? In eight years, he went from hero to traitor and took a long while to get back into hero country. Other presidents had hit unmeasured lows too, including Lincoln and Jackson - maybe your face will grace the American loony one day.
I'm tired of the arguments. I'm tired of speculating where all the Jews were on 9/11. I'm tired of listening to teachers and cubicle workers suddenly explain military strategy to me. I'm tired of hearing about a train-wrecked US economy from folks who think debt in Quebec - or France and Germany - counts for nothing. Cause we like those countries.
The other guys won. We lost. The barbarians aren't at the gate, they are in the treasury spying windfall profit taxes as we speak.
Still, let me state three things I know:
1. Whoever replaces you will consolidate and cement your legacy. Obama, McCain - it doesn't matter.
2. In twenty years, the whole thing will shake out and your contribution to America will be understood.
3. If it were you running for a third term, you'd win in a cakewalk. Well, a 52% - 48% cakewalk.
Yours always,
Chuckercanuck
Labels: PS - see you in Kennebunkport
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Little Big Oil
Two days from now, Change and Hope will sweep the continent sending many cheering in the streets and some scurrying for cover. Chief among the scurriers, Big Oil. For some twenty months or more, Big Oil has been at the heart of all that is perverse, broken and crippling in America. Big Oil abets terrorists and soaks Yanks dry. But not for much longer - as soon as he is sworn in, President Obama will cap their profits and start doing a little soaking of his own. His windfall profits tax is our opportunity to exact revenge on Big Oil and I know how much thius tickles many of you.
But do me a favor, spare a thought for Little Oil. Little Oil is just as evil as Big Oil. Per barrel, their profits are nearly as spectacular and, while their influence is slighter, they still spread chaos and evil across the globe. I'd say we stick it to Little Oil just as hard as we plan to stick it to Big Oil. Didn't any of you see There Will Be Blood? Don't any of you know that W started his career not in Big Oil but in Little Oil? (Little, failed Oil to be exact). Think about that: there are a 100 GWBush's lurking in the lands of Little Oil. Gives me the shivers.
So let's do what's right and stick it to Little Oil every bit as hard Big Oil.
But do me a favor, spare a thought for Little Oil. Little Oil is just as evil as Big Oil. Per barrel, their profits are nearly as spectacular and, while their influence is slighter, they still spread chaos and evil across the globe. I'd say we stick it to Little Oil just as hard as we plan to stick it to Big Oil. Didn't any of you see There Will Be Blood? Don't any of you know that W started his career not in Big Oil but in Little Oil? (Little, failed Oil to be exact). Think about that: there are a 100 GWBush's lurking in the lands of Little Oil. Gives me the shivers.
So let's do what's right and stick it to Little Oil every bit as hard Big Oil.
Labels: Save me from Little Oil
