ChuckerCanuck 2.0

Often, as we travel the United States, we pass folks who stick their patriotism on their bumpers - the stars and stripes pasted on their cars to advertise their unthinking love of America. For many Canadians, this overt patriotism is decidely foreign. And yet, in my corner of the world, where Liberals win ridings by margins that would make Bashir Assad blush, there is a growing prevelance of people slapping Canadian flag license plates on the front of their vehicles. Canada has rednecks. And to help you identify a Canadian redneck, I have put together a short checklist for your benefit.

Canadian Rednecks.....

1. Are Swedophiliacs. The apex of civilization, according to a Canadian redneck, is Sweden. In all things, we should be more like Sweden and less like everything else.

2. Eat meat, but guiltily. The way to cut down on the shame is to eat organic in stir fry or fajita form - a rib roast comes close to being a capital crime.

3. Think Jesus Christ is creepy and anyone who self-identifies as a Christian is dangerous - unless they qualify themselves as part of the United church.

4. Defer to anyone with a british accent. (You can test this out. Next time you are in urban Canada, fake a british accent and see how much authority it gives you over people.)

5. Condescend to anyone with a southern accent. Canadian rednecks don't need complicated stories about Americans seeing the world from a different perspective due to their position and history - Americans are genetically stupider than Canadians. And southerners are the stupidest of all.

6. Spend summer vacations camping in Algonquin park and winter vacations beading their hair in Cuba.

7. Are very, very frightened by Tories, the way American Rednecks fear "liberals".

8. Would slot the Tragically Hip above the Beatles, Queen and Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band as the greatest rock band in history.

9. Use margarine.

10. Their dream house is a lakefront condo in Missassauga.

Labels: Beware the Canadian Redneck