ChuckerCanuck 2.0

Stephane Dion must be a sad puppy - finally, a federalist party is even-Stephen with the Bloc Quebecois... it just happens to be not his.

So, to rally Canadians to his cause, Stephane Dion has announced that raising the GST will be part of the Liberal platform in the next election. Curiosity got the better of me and I called the Liberal mole to find out what else the Liberals were cooking up to win the electorate's affection:

Enlarge the Senate
If those wrong-headed ideologue Conservatives want to reform or abolish the senate, then we Liberals are going to increase the number of senators to 1,437 and make a senate inheritable so that the fine sons and daughters of senators can take their rightful place in the 2nd chamber when their senator-parents croak.

Ease up on Crime
Liberals will reduce the number of criminal offences in Canada by 50% using a lottery system to determine which laws to strike down. This will reduce the burden on the judicial system and save tax payers money. Furthermore, we will outsource the operation of correctional facilities to Club Med who have deep experience in creating relaxing, stress-free environments where inmates can contemplate their rehabilitation.

Meet our Kyoto Commitments
As we have argued many times, the fate of humanity hangs in the balance of our meeting our Kyoto commitments. While we cannot do so by cutting emissions, we will do so by purchasing sufficient carbon credits. Henceforth, the federal government will transfer all income taxes it collects to Russia.

Strengthening our Federation
While the evil Rovians in government would make Ottawa a head-waiter to the provinces, the Liberal party would make the provinces illegal immigrants working in Ottawa's corn fields. If elected, the Liberals will abolish the provinces.

Screwing Arctic Sovereignty
If those ridiculous, sons-of-lazy-mothers, the Conservatives, think the Canadian arctic is valuable, well, we disagree with that foolishness. A Liberal government would immediately launch negotiations with the United States to sell its three arctic territories for about as much as Russia got for Alaska.

Bold, innovative policy ideas that will ensure the Liberal party is once more, the only option in Canada. We are so confident of that, we just might not abstain next time a vote comes around.

Garthdate (thanks, Eugene)
Garth Turner, considered by many Liberals to be the deepest policy thinker in caucus, wrote this on his blog about his non-vote last night:

"I abstained with balls."

Now, there's a class act you want sitting in cabinet. Someone get him a meeting with the Queen - he'd sure make us look real good.

Labels: Thank you Mr. Ignatieff - er - I mean - Mr. Liberal Mole

A growing number of Tories see a menace for what it is: the greatest social catastrophe and moral issue of our time. Hopefully, it won't meet up with too much resistance from the opposition.

Labels: Thank you MP Joy Smith for your passion and advocacy on this issue

Let's get to the heart of the matter, shall we? Yes, in the waning days of 2005, we furiously debated the merits of consumption taxes versus income taxes and which if any we should cut. While there is an academic point to concede to those who loath any cuts to consumption taxes, like the GST, it is just that. All taxes, as this prime Prime Minister once quipped, are bad. So, please find a Liberal blog to discuss the economic merits and pretend that your new friends, the Liberals, actually care about the careful points you're making and that their support of thoughts has something to do with their merits.

The only drama in this economic statement is will the Liberals outright vote for the tax-cutting policies of this hard-right, Bush-wannabe, dangerously unCanadian government? Or merely, abstain from voting the taxes down. In other words: we will coast past Christmas with no election in sight.

In fact, we will have no election next spring either for two principle reasons. One, this spring the government will table its budget at about the same time the it will be issuing refunds thanks to the retroactive cuts announced today.

Two, the mid-term prospects of the Liberals look bleaker than ever. They own no issue and have invested heavily in the laughable In-and-Out campaign issue hoping to frame it as the scandal it ain't. In so doing, they highlighted the very smelly cash only campaign dealings of their just-recently revenue critic. Now, when other political parties ask for them to open their own campaign books, there's enough smoke for regular folk to wonder how big the fire is.

The remarkable achievement of this enduring minority parliament is a testament to how broad-minded and national this Tory government is. Stephen Harper has shown, despite media worbling or opposition fakery, that disparate elements of the Canadian body politic rally to his vision time and again to help make sure the Tory agenda is accomplished. In the next election, all three parties will have laundry lists of things on which they duly followed the Prime Minister's leadership. Its difficult to imagine a modern leader of this country who could fashion such encompassing coalitions.

Labels: Trivia - Chuckercanuck and Jim Flaherty grew up in the same Montreal suburb

If Liberal MP Blair Wilson's father in law, as well as campaign workers, have it right, then we should expect questions like this from Stephane Dion's revenue critic:

"Mr. Speaker, this autumn we learned that the Conservative government took the final 2006 surplus and paid down debt with it. Paid down debt? Mr. Speaker, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. When a person, business or government borrows money, it should be with the intention of never paying it back. Suckers do that. Winners create off-balance-sheet vehicles."

"Mr. Speaker, if I read things correctly, this government - with its narrow, hard-right ideology - issues cheques to pay for most of its spending commitments. I am aghast, Mr. Speaker, because everyone knows sound fiscal management begins with cash payments."

"Mr. Speaker, today we learn the government is actually paying its employees. This shocking revelation of extravagant largesse has surely shaken the taxpayers of this fair country. When will this government remember who its daddy is and quit paying its employees?"

Labels: Gives new meaning to the term a Liberal accountant

To help you with your Hollowe'en video renting, Chuckercanuck is pleased to present the 10 scariest movies ever made - sadly, none are available in Count Floyd's smell-o-rama:

10. Silence of the Lambs
Not strictly a horror film, so this serial killer masterpiece should please wimps who still want to be creeped out.

9. The Serpent and the Rainbow
In grade 8, I did a speech on voodoo in my english class which ended with a demonstration of the voodoo doll. I got a girl to stand up in class and pretend that as I poked and bent a doll, she was being injured. It got a lot of laughs. This film, however, will not make you laugh. It is a terrifying immersion into the voodoo world on Haiti featuring the scariest cop in all films.

8. 28 Days Later
The rule of Top 10 lists is that nothing new should be included. This rule must be broken to include a re-invention of the zombie film that has the best opening ever. (Side note, its sequel rocks as well).

7. Def-Con 4
Canadian content (although I could have gone for Cronenberg's Rabid). Not so much a horror flick, its a scary premise: you are an astronaut on a space station orbiting earth when nuclear armegeddon unfolds below. You watch the world being destroyed and then, after some time, decide that unless you want to starve, you'd better go down into the aftermath. Guess what? It ain't so pretty down there.

6. Alien
Obviously.

5. Hollowe'en
Not the Rob Zombie version - only because I have not seen it. It is the original slasher movie and offers scoopfulls of Donald Pleasance.

4. Exorcist III
What sucks about reverse order lists is I should really address Exorcist 1 first. Anyway, this movie is scarifying in its own right and contains the single most unexpected jolt ever filmed.

3. Dawn of the Dead
This film is to the horror genre what Black Bush is to alcohol. Fine, subtle, satisfying, creepy, dreadful, awful - everything. Also, its set in Pittsburgh, America's finest city.

2. The Exorcist
Being Irish Catholic, I can't be expected to say anything else. But the horror of this film transcends all religious and cultural barriers - you will never play Ouija again.

1. The Three Pillars
Okay, this movie hasn't been made yet, but the story is about an ernest yet rigid academic who unexpectedly wins the leadership of a political party and even more unexpectedly, goes on to win Canada's Prime Ministership and leads Canada into catastrophe by imposing a socialist theocracy on the nation. Scary, scary stuff kids.

Labels: I rented movie number 2 of course

CC: First off, thanks for agreeing to speak with me.

Gene: Pleasure's mine, Chuckercanuck. I'm not so big on Canadian politics, but I am a regular reader.

CC: Let me tell you what happened to me tonight. At my video store, it seems that have the new releases section has been taken over by DVDs of tv shows. Its like the zebra mussels of the movie business.

Gene: Its killing us.

CC: Yeah, well, I finally found a movie, "Mr. Brooks", which somehow slipped past my pop culture radar. I picked it up and thought, "ugh, maybe." Do you know what pushed me over the edge and made me rent it?

Gene: I'm all ears.

CC: You are quoted on the DVD box as saying, "perhaps Kevin Costner's best performance of his entire career". Strong stuff, I thought - you know, Bull Durham, Field of Dreams, Dances with Wolves....

Gene: I can see where you're going with this.

CC: You can? So that would mean you actually watched, "Mr. Brooks."

Gene: I did.

CC: And you noticed that it was basically a heap of crap pressed into DVD form.

Gene: Yup.

CC: So what's with the quote then?

Gene: Well, I didn't exactly lie. That's the magic of the word "perhaps". Perhaps someone will think its his best work ever. In fact, depending on what tone you use, "perhaps", could sound downright dubious.

CC: But you know perfectly well suckers like me, tired from the week's work and naively optimistic that it just might be possible Kevin Costner and an exciting, well-thought out thriller could meet up after all these years, would take your quote and let that decide how we'll plunk our $5 down.

Gene: That's right.

CC: How do you sleep at night?

Gene: Oh brother. Where does it say, quotes from Gene Shalit are completely independent of any influence and/or compensation? I'm a god-damend industry cheerleader and you should know that.

CC: You're right. But that movie - "Mr. Brooks" - was more horrible than listening to Stephane Dion talk about his vision for Canada. It sucked harder than biggest black hole the universe has ever hosted.

Gene: Pretty much.

CC: And tell me something - who the hell told Hollywood directors that audiences had 2 plus hours to spare on their indulgences? Whatever happened to a disciplined 90 minutes? The last 40 minutes of pretty much every Hollywood movie is a shapeless never-ending ending. Its rock'n'roll's "repeat and fade" trick transported into film-making.

Gene: You thought the ending to "Mr. Brooks" was bad? Did you see "Minority Report"?

CC: I still have the mental scars from watching the utter dreck that is the last 90 minutes of that movie.

Gene: Are we done here?

CC: I guess so.

Gene: Good, I have to think up a way of saying that Jessica Alba is maybe a modern day Katherine Hepburn.

CC: Good luck with that.

Gene: Thanks.

Labels: I'm so mad maybe I will rent season 3 of Lost or whatever

China has issued an omnious warning to Canada: give the Dalai Lama a cold shoulder, at minimum publicly, when he comes to visit next week or Canada's long term interests will suffer.

Already, I can picture shiploads of poisoned Dora the Explorer trinkets landing on our shores. Or maybe they'll weave asbestos into our mousepads.

How seriously should we take this threat? On the face of it, one could make an argument that China has the possibility to make our long-term interests suffer. If put our Paul Martin caps on, we would say that a rising China will become an importing economy that will shut us out unless we're real sweet on them. More seriosuly, in a bid over Arctic territory between Canada and Russia - who would China favour to gain access to the mineral and carbon wealth locked below the ice? Little ol' Canada getting bullied up real good by Chrussnia is an intimidating prospect that would sober anyone.

Then again, China will always side with Russia if such a hypothetical claims dispute arose. How could its strategic interests pull it away from that alignment? It would be foolish of us to think that on this one geopolitical point, China will break from Russia and side with the North Americans (ps, Yanks, get on board and acquiesce to out

Canada is a natural resources superpower. In its race to develop, it is very difficult for China to avoid us. Meanwhile, China's primary asset is cheap labour - an asset that can be transferred elsewhere, like India and hopefully soon to Africa. It is not to diminish the accomplishment of its incredible increase in manufacturing, but the accomplishment is exactly some irreproduceable miracle. In the short and medium term, it needs us more than we need it.

To threaten us of some punishment to our national interest decades away is a bit premature. Will they be able to keep their grudge? Given that Japan is the 3rd largest foreign investor in China and their trade relationship runs deep, it seems the vicious, aggressive war waged some decades ago has not put much dent in their current relationship. Why should it be any different here?

So, its a toothless threat to my mind. I sure hope the Prime Minister makes a public appearance with the Dalai Lama and lets China kick the dirt in frustration a la Boss Hog.

Labels: Still - Traverse would call it too Bush-like

Those readers who have been since the get-go know that Chuckercanuck is foremost devoted to a single goal: the privatization of booze distribution and retailing in Quebec. But, to put that goal in less noble and lofty terms, what I really want is to buy Bushmills - the finest whiskey made - at my local liquor store. Today, I found it exactly where I had been demanding it for the past, uhhh, have I really been writing this crap for 2 years now?

I think we can all agree that the presence of Bushmills on SAQ shelves is due entirely to my tireless activism for this important cause. To my fellow Quebeckers, I say this: "you're welcome".

In other news:

Stephane Dion will support any budget that includes a GST cut which he so vehemently opposes. More steely principalism from the our feathered friend. I'd bet he'd abstain a vote to outlaw the Liberal party just to avoid an election.

David McGinty says that its better to have an ineffective multi-lateral deal that would leave more thant 60% of the world's GHG emissions off the table than to focus on just those handful of countries that create the problem. In engineering terms, we would call this "flicking stupid" and confirms the Liberals' transition from champion to petulant gadfly on the climate change issue. Books will be written about this incredible reversal of political fortune.

Mattel is recalling more toys for having brain-scrambling lead paint. Let's hope the Chinese don't choose to make the medals for their upcoming Olympic games or the athletes will have more than steroids to worry about in their systems.

The mob, surprise, surprise, are Democrats.

The CBC has imposed a blogging gag on its employees. Say good-bye to the Blogging Dippers.

Labels: Suppertime

Tonight, the Throne Speech passes despite the fire and brimstone rained down upon the government from the Liberals - who, it must be said, increasingly look like those annoying lap dogs that yelp at 115 decibels hoping this will convince you they are something more than the 7 pound nuisance that they are.

Instead of facing off in the squared circle of the House of Commons, Stephane Dion has decided to join the mass of cranky retirees and send letters to the editors of major newspapers in which he can demonstrate his - to butcher Stephen Colbert - leadershipness. Afterall, it was a gig he did successfully when his nemeses were the twin huffs and puffs of the separatist movement, Bernard Landry and Lucien Bouchard.

Can his overlong missives manage the same rassemblement that his earlier letters did? Sadly, no.

By chance, I picked up La Presse this morning and when I got to the end of the first section, found Mr. Dion's letter. I can't argue with what he had to say because I could barely get past the first sentence without falling asleep. I did scan down and saw he brought up his three pillars about a dozen times. The saddest part, however, was that the newspaper selected a quote to make large and bold - you know, a teaser for readers that gives them a sense of the provocative things they'll read in the entire column. That bold and large quote? Something about Mme. Marois' putting a referendum on the back burner until its guaranteed to win is a de facto endorsement of the Clarity Act.

Good grief, Charlie brown would say. Its almost a pathetic sort of nostalgia. Oh, how lovely it would be to have the good old days when everything came down to referendum timing with good guys in red and bad guys in not-Royal blue. If only me and Gilles could get ourselves inflamed over some tedious point about a hypothetical circumstance that has about as much possibility of happening as Chuckercanuck landing a job at the CBC. Wouldn't it be nice, as Bryan Wilson would say.

Labels: The Lizza Frulla comment is probably the ouchiest thing I've heard so far

A few days back, I shared with you a story from Quebec about a PQ bill that would introduce two classes of citizen in Quebec. Class 1 would all rights that we understand to be the rights of a regular citizen. Class 2 would have all rights, except the right to participate in political life (specifically, run for office and raise funds for political parties).

Charmingly, the PQ language critic raised the bar and said that in an independent Quebec, immigrants and West Island anglos would have their right to vote revoked. (Hopefully, to keep things clear on voting day, we would be required to wear a shamrock on our shirts to indicate our citizenship status). After an initial kurfuffle, the PQ critic pretended he never said anything.

How to respond? Well, this is not the way. I read and enjoy Warren Kinsella as much as anyone else, but calling it facism - even if it smells that way to me - isn't productive. Afterall, Warren Kinsella just worked very hard to win a Premier an election where the major issue was: only Catholics, like the Premier and Mr. Kinsella, should be entitled to have publicly funded religious schools.

Don't get me wrong, the PQ bill and the hidden agenda behind it, are scary stuff. But when you corner a wounded animal, you should expect it at its most ugly and vicious. The PQ is at its most ugly and vicious. But for Mr. Kinsella to go on and on about "I can't believe this is Canada" - well, neither could the rest of the country as it watched a provincial election turn on Roman Catholic exceptionalism.

Then comes Mr. Kinsella's bombshell question: if you supported the United Canada resolution, what say you now?

I supported it, so let me answer:

Wow, those PQistes are pretty desperate and pretty clueless. This was a big mistake - as if the PQ understand Quebec only by reading Toronto media descriptions of the province. Mario Dumont and the ADQ, who are supposedly riding the wave of racist Quebec, have rejected the bill as being worthy of a garbage truck. Further, I'd say picking on the loony ideas of a dying party in hopes of re-kindling the great Liberal-Seperatist symbiosis shows how close to death both sides of that relationship are.

Labels: Warren - follow Michael Jackson's advice and start with the man in the mirror

I nearly spat out my morning rootbeer float in delight when I read that finally, Canadians beat the Yanks at something.

Its an honour and a privelege to be the porkiest nation on the planet. However, it will be a fleeting distinction if we do not work hard to maintain our position. I, for one, promise three things:

1. To remove the dust-caked exercise bike from the basement in order to eliminate even the potential for exercise.

2. To write shorter blog entries and thus reduce the total number of calorie burning keystrokes I make every day.

3. To top every meal with a drizzle of melted butter and crumbled bacon. I will force SkyPiper and Rainbow to eat the same way (who am I kidding, force? They'd finally start talking to me again.)

Seriously folks, my hero and I are not very good role models in this fatso contest. I think the Prime Minister should make a public effort to trim down a wee bit. Not only good policy, public and personal, but it would be a very good way to close on the gender gap that has him less popular with women than he should be. For every pound the PM drops, he would gain 2 points in the polls with women. That's a Chuckercanuck guarantee.

Labels: Off to my pork rind stash

Uh-huh.

Labels: Arbour for Liberal Leader

Holy Crap Batman!

I'd say this piece from Tequila Sheila is the most blunt description of internal affairs in the Liberal party published to date. And coming, let's remember, from a former Liberal deputy Prime Minister. She puts it all together and makes it so obvious: the Iggheads are publicly working to bring Stephane Dion down in the manner of wild dogs - one nip at a time.

What Sheila points out that I hadn't considered was Iggy himself is pretty openly hostile to Stephane Dion. Now, she references a bunch of mean-spirited facial gestures Iggy made during Dion's response to the Throne Speech. I didn't see them. To me, Iggy is a male medusa so to look at him is to be turned to stone.

So we can expect many more months of cruel and vicious warfare between the Dionistas and the Iggheads. My only caution to the Iggheads is careful what you wish for. Its hard to see Iggy not being worse for the Liberal party than Stephane Dion. Stephane Dion doesn't have too many embarassing quotes tied to his name but Iggy has many volumes worth. Stephane Dion has waxed poetic about Canadian civil wars, shit-hiding birds or admitted his life's training disqualifies him utterly from a position of governance.

Where Stephane Dion has called for reduced business taxes, Iggy has gone on record as being against free markets - even going so far as calling the Tories "those Free Marketers" as if that label, here in Canada, was a bad thing.

There is no question that Stephen Harper would pummel Stephane Dion in a debate since Mr. Dion, for all his intelligence, is a man trapped in his on dogma. But Mr. Dion would crawl away from the thing --- Iggy? He would evaporate like the sun has struck him before he could get to his coffin.

Labels: Who needs an election when there's this catfight to watch - meow

And I surely will here. While this particular individual is guilty of nothing yet, I am against extradition to Canada to face charges here.

A country where only 49% of convicted pedophiles face jail time should not be rushing to bring sex tourists home to face the easy-breezy justice system that has developed in this country.

Sex traffic, whether the slaves are brought to Canada or whether the abusers head to a country where empoverishment creates ripe pickings for them, is the greatest offense to modern civilization.

Until such time that we have laws and penalties to match the horror of pedophelia and assorted other sex crimes, we should hold off on extraditions. The government's current omnibus crime bill helps, particularly in raising the age of consent, and let's hope the Liberals don't stall the legislation as they have done with bizarre ferocity for most of this parliament.

Still, the omnibus bill does not do enough. Sex tourism and human trafficking are blights that must be wiped out. More than a war on drugs, we should have a war on sex slavery.

Labels: The Benedictine got me more ranty than funny - sorry

We're often told that Parliament has important work to do and they should get down to it. Leave it to the Liberals to make sure the nation's business is being done. See, they decided to grant the Tories an all-but-the-name majority government not because they have no principles; rather they have one big important principle they hoped they could sneak past us.

Chuckercanuck thinks having a day to celebrate Pierre Eliott Trudeau is a wonderful idea - and we probably should hurry before Castro's Cuba beats us to it.

And one day a year seems insufficient for the man who made the dull, petty lives of Canadians seem almost worth living. I propose that we celebrate Pierre Eliott Trudeau not once a year but one a week by replacing Thursday with Truday. Canadian children will henceforth learn that Solomon Grundy took ill on Truday. And when lovers of Norse myths rail at our tossing out of Thor - we'll remind them our Pierre shot thunderbolts from his hands and could make the floors of Valhalla quake.

The only hesitation: will Canadians be comfortable with this Liberal initiative to Americanize our history? Or will they prefer that we respect American ways of doing things and not slavishly imitate them as Liberals would have us do.

Labels: Protect us from the Liberal tendency to Americanize us

Pauline Marois is grabbing headlines in Quebec with her promise that a PQ government would deny citizenship to an immigrant who failed to learn adequate french.

This is her way of fanning the flames of the "reasonable accommodation" debate - which, at its heart, centres on the equality of men and women in Quebec society and not so much, to the PQs disappointment, "les maudits anglais".

One upside to Mme. Marois' proposal would be to keep those with learning disabilities and mentally handicapped out of our province. So if you are a prospective immigrant to this province reading this blog, be warned: if anyone in your family has a disability that would prevent them from learning french --- forget it or be prepared to leave them to wollow in their misery alone in a far off land.

(Side note: I wonder if she applies that strict standard to the people who tend to the sprawling grounds of her palace in the anglo ghetto?)

Labels: Ban Mutes Too

Dear Kady,

I'm not a frothing lunatic though I know you'll toss this aside as the work of one, but get a grip, please.

There's just so much self-importance that a lad can take. Read some of the things you've jotted down:

"We work on behalf of the people, not government - not this government, nor the next one, or any government in waiting that might, on reading this article, be hoping, in its heart of hearts, that this is one thing that the Prime Minister will be able to do, in order to spare them from doing the same in the future"

Seriously. You don't work on behalf of the people. You work on behalf of your employer. In this case, the Rogers empire. To paint yourself as our defender, like some ink-dipped Joan of Arc, is hubris of the most outraeous proportions. You work for an employer that is hardly disinterested in the content of its media. Other media, such as the Toronto Star or, at least in its inception, the National Post, were fairly upfront about this very thing - maybe your employer isn't but its highly naive to think its not there.

If you did work for "the people", we could fire you; the way we can the very folks you say you are defending us from. Funny irony there, eh? You assign yourself the glorious title of "defenders of democracy" yet are beyond its rigors - could you blame "the people" for smelling a rat in that proposition?


"we may as well just hand over our press passes, turn in our BlackBerries and move on, en masse, to some other profession; one, perhaps, not quite so essential to a functioning democracy"

What professions, I'm curious, are not so essential to a functioning democracy? Us plebes want to know. Afterall, your profession exists in every functioning "ocracy". China's got journalists. Iran has journalists. So do we. The key thing, it seems to me, is how that profession works. Absolutely agreed, an uncompromised media is required for a healthy democracy. But does it take government interference to corrupt the media alone? Why worry about concentrated media ownership then? So long as that ownership isn't the government, democracy functions.

Can a cabal of journalists corrupt the profession themselves? Is it so impossible? Imagine a country where a couple dozen journalists believe they are, while immune from the mechanisms of democracy, consider themselves the guarantors of that democracy - while devaluing other professions as "not so essential to a functioning democracy". I'd say, in electing themselves to the role of high-priests of democracy and defenders of "the people", the immodesty corrupts.

Labels: Go ahead and roar

GARTHDATE:

In the words of the immortal Garth Turner, Liberal heavyweight, Stephane Dion made the unprincipled and cowardly choice!

"I am sure Mr. Dion’s strategists tonight are telling him to swerve around this speech, absorb some slaps, bite his tongue and buy time to gas the campaign machine. Wise advice, I’m sure.
I’m equally sure Mr. Dion’s heart and gut tell him to do the principled and brave thing.."

GARTHDATE OVER.


Hearty congratulations to the Liberal party for making a decision on the Throne Speech. They will support it through their spittles of bile.

The Prime Minister left clear markers. Canadians understood them and will expect the Liberals - including their Senators - to abide by them. This agenda is popular and this agenda must pass, unobstructed.

Meanwhile, the chortles will be deafening as we hear Liberals tell us how repugnant the Throne Speech was but its our fault they support it since we don't want an election.

Let me ask the Liberals: does this mean they will never, ever topple the government so long as a majority of Canadians say they don't want an election? Afterall, they are foregoing some of their most deeply held (albeit recent) beliefs - on Afghanistan, on Kyoto, on the Senate. If these are principles not worth defending, then none are.

So, if I understand it: the Liberal party will provide the Tories with a de facto majority until a majority of Canadians want an election. Prediction: there will never be an election in Canada again! Thank you Liberals for joining the Tory caucus.

Labels: Welcome back Garth

I realize there is are millions of people out there who will look to this site for the deep analysis required to understand and judge the Throne Speech. And, thanks to the miracles of wireless networking, I can deliver my thoughts in the form of my own speech from the throne. [editor's note: that was cheap, crass, truly beneath you, Chuckercanuck.

Junkies like us would like nothing better than to see the Liberals topple the government and send us into an election. Sadly, there is less than a 1% chance that this will happen. As much as they will pretend otherwise, the Liberals made that decisions at the latest days ago.

For such a formidable institution, it will be a clunker of a decision.

One, they will look terrifically weak. They laid some principle conditions; downgraded them to aspirations; now treat them as mere talking points. They sound like market merchants ending a barter below the price first offered by the customer. For this, Liberals are headed into an existential quandary. It struck me particularly as Michael Ignatieff was reacting to the speech and he made a comment about how the Liberals have ALWAYS been the bridge between French and English Canada and will ALWAYS be that bridge. It is monumentally foolish, not to mention arrogant, of any person to assume the perpetuity of a human organization. Leave claims of eternal endurance to the Pope and show up a bit more humble, please. Storied memories are not enough to keep any party, even the Liberals, going.

Two, the government moves along with a popular agenda while the daily drip of damaging stories continues. With the excitement of an election off the table, what will Liberals do but continue to eat themselves like members of the Donner party. This time next year, the only purposeful opposition in the eyes of the electorate will be the NDP.

Three, the Liberals will be rebuked for their "blame the victim" strategy. Sure, they will tell us, Canada is being destroyed by the Conservatives. The Tory agenda will hurt Canadians, darken their futures, spoil their communities, ruin their children. But since you guys don't want an election, we won't have one. Its your fault, Canadians. Blaming the victim looks, in the most polite terms, rather unleaderly and people will have difficulty swallowing that condescending line.

Four, more than any group of people, Liberals perpetuate the Harper brand. It doesn't matter which critic or talking head opens her or his mouth, all that comes out of them is, "Harper, Harper, Harper, Harper, Harper." They re-inforce the image of a Prime Minister who is larger than life, an immense force to be reckoned with. Add to that an ambitious, popular agenda of a proud, prosperous country that bows to no one and welcomes everyone - well, the Liberals do themselves enormous disservice by being so Harper-centric. If they can't take their eyes off the guy, how can they expect anyone else to do so?

If I were a Liberal adviser and my thought was, "what's best for the Liberal party?" My answer would be simple - even if a bit painful in the short term - topple the government and head to the polls.

Labels: Newsbreak - I didn't get the Quebec Lieutenant gig - it went to the senator who picks on American tourists

I just had the weirdest job interview. I was led to the crypt of a very old Montreal mansion where a geeky fellow with pallid skin and professorial glasses interviewed me to be his - get this - Quebec lieutenant. (He looked awfully like Stephane Dion I must say). Here's how it went...

Dion: Mr. Canuck, please, sit down.

CC: Uhhh, where? There's no chairs.

Dion: (nervous laugh) Ah, yeah. We're a little short on funds at the moment. Please, sit on that pine box.

CC: Creepy. It looks a little like a coffin.

Dion: (after a shriek) No! You never use the name Paul Coffin in my presence! (after he settles down). So, I am looking for a Quebec Lieutenant.

CC: What's that?

Dion: My right-hand man, so to speak, in the province.

CC: What do I do?

Dion: Mostly, you run from journalists. When they catch up to you, you say hysterical, non-sensical things to ward them off.

CC: That's it?

Dion: Well. Can you take humiliation?

CC: Like a pro.

Dion: Have you ambition?

CC: None whatsoever.

Dion: (nodding approvingly and then - ) Do you like the taste of blood?

CC: What the hell?

Dion: Uhh. Sorry. Scratch that. Do you prefer the creatures of the night?

CC: Creatures of the night?

Dion: Bats, centipedes, wolves, that sort of thing.

CC: Uhhh. Prefer is a strong word. But, you know, the web of life and all that.

Dion: Yes, turn, turn, turn. Tell me, do you have a soul?

CC: Seriously? I don't know, I guess.

Dion: Good enough answer.

CC: Tell me, why are you asking all these questions about my soul, the taste of blood and bats?
What's this got to do with being a Quebec Lieutenant.

Dion: Well, this is the Liberal party, so we tend to pick our lieutenants from the ranks of the blood-sucking undead.

CC: Liberal party? Oh, jeez, Mister, I'm sorry. I'm not a Liberal.

Dion: That's okay. I can't be too picky these days.

Labels: Notice Marlene Jennings ain't on Dion's shortlist....

Today in Cowansville, Quebec, two prisoners will be joined in holy matrimony - making this the third such wedding between Canadian inmates since same-sex marriage became legal. The happy couple, manslaughterer David Bedard, and second-degree murderer Sony Martin will receive no special priveleges as a result of their commitment to one another: they will not be permitted to share a cell and will not even get conjugal visits.

This morning on the CBC morning show, host Mike Finnerty had some hard-hitting questions for the Corrections Canada spokesperson assigned to satiate media curiosity in the occasion. The spokesperson side-stepped a couple of questions that, to my ear, had very obvious if impolitic answers to them. So, for the purposes of informed debate, I will pretend I was the Corrections Canada spokesperson and answer Mr. Finnerty's questions. [note: these were real questions.]

Finnerty: Mr. Chuckercanuck, what has Corrections Canada done to sensitize the other prisoners to this event?

CC: Nothing. [note: that was the real answer]

Finnerty: But, don't you think it would help to run some awareness programs on issues involving homophobia?

CC: Mr. Finnerty, do you know anything about prison inmates? Trust me, aside from jealousy, I don't think there's anything to be worried about on that front.

Finnerty: Now, why can't they share a cell? Don't you think they would speed up their rehabilitation if they were allowed to share a cell?

CC: Mr. Finnerty, that's ridiculous. Implied in that question is that if two inmates marry, they should be given say as to how this facility is run. Do you ever think three steps beyond the initial Bambi-like warm-fuzzy a thought gives you? If two inmates, for reasons having nothing to do with love, want to share a cell, then they get married. They could want to share a cell for gang-reasons, contraband trade - hell, if sharing a cell with someone was a ticket to escaping prison, would marriage be such high price to pay? No, its ridiculous to suggest that prisoners have a mechanism to control who they bunk with - it contravenes all principles of running a controlled prison.

Finnerty: I guess you're right. At heart, I'm just a romantic.

CC: Uh-huh. Lefty-wing sucker is more like it.

Labels: Suddenly, the writers of Prison Break got inspiration for Season 8

Judging from the mass of people gathered below my window right now, calling my name and weeping, many people are wondering if Chuckercanuck plans to hang his hat and quit the blogosphere as certain grand-daddies of the genre are contemplating doing.

Jason Cherniak's dithering over whether he should stay or go has nothing to do with the prospect of leading Team Liberal into an electoral battle that will make the Spanish Armada look like a successful fleet. It all has to do with career turnoil and the normal angst of a late twenty-something wondering why he hasn't landed a multi-million dollar book deal yet.

Fear not, friends. Chuckercanuck has no intention to hang my hat, for the following reasons:

1) My biggest motivation in life is feeding my Everest-sized ego.

2) My second biggest motivation in life is wresting attention from everyone else and pretending I live perpetually in the spotlight.

3) My third motivation is to prove the following thesis: it is possible for a genuinely right-wing person to do political satire in Canada. Granted, such satire will never make the CBC or the Globe and Mail, but the point is its possible.

4) I am already stuck with a mortgage, trapped in a family, slave to a desk and multi-tasking an endless circle of chores. The forks in my road happened about 650 km ago and now I'm praying I'll make it to the next gas station before going empty.

5) I am half-assesdly anonymous and therefore do not worry about anything I say being publicly linked to me, the person. I have no ambition to be a politician, so unlike Jason Cherniak, I don't fantasize about being a Minister of Defense caught in a scrum my own blog musings being flung in my face. Even still, if some enterprising (read: pathetic) journalist ever to scrounge up the crap I pasted here, there isn't anything to make me ashamed.

So, while Liberal bloggers drop out from the great game, Chuckercanuck remains committed to spreading Conservative propaganda and Harpermania throughout the nation. It helps, of course, when the fine work actually produces results. Afterall, when I started this gig, people laughed at me for calling myself the Quebec Harpermaniac. Now, try and find a Quebecker who isn't*.

* Stephane Dion excepted.

Labels: Drove my chevy to the levy and the levy's wetter than Lake Superior

Chretien to Dion: Actually, Paul Martin ended human civilization, not Stephen Harper.

Martinites are 'self-serving goons'. In other words, Liberals.

Quebec's secret crush: we like them ruthless, brainy and pudgy.

Iggy Mea Culpe: I am just a cheap imported knock-off of the Harper brand.

Duceppe to Canada: Keep Quebec White.

Hugo Chavez is the MacKenzie King of Latin America.

Taliban to NATO: Liberate Afghanis from Occupation, Or We Will Blow Them Up.

Breaking News: Listening to the Sob Stories of Drunks is Depressing.

Vancouverites forgo functioning sewage to celebrate steroid use.

Dion promises deep corporate tax cuts. Dippers rub hands in glee. Everyone else rolls eyes.

Chuckercanuck: I wish I was invited.

Labels: no tage

Here's a quirky interview done by one of this site's arch nemeses, Calgary Grit with the leader of the Saskatchewan Liberal party.

In it, David Karwacki says Saskatchewan is booming about 20 times. In fact, he says its the number one political issue, that is, how to manage a booming economy which is creating, for one thing, a housing crisis.

Since the Liberals are the 3rd party of that prairie powerhouse, maybe their leader is totally clueless. But then, he's not the only one who thinks Saskatchewan is undergoing an economic boom.

Quebec is not booming and is a have-not province. However, our economy is growing robustly and the most popular political party has as a goal for the province to be a NET CONTRIBUTOR to the equalization program.

Our curious neighbour, Ontario, is the largest contributor to the equalization program and enjoys a strong economy but no boom. However, there are worrying trends in terms of manufacturing sector weakness. Even though the current premier sometimes complains about Ontario's net contribution to the federal government (although it never includes the fact that its economy is helped by having the federal capital in the province), largely Ontario has contributed with only minor grumbling.

So how can Saskatchewanians, under the leadership of Lorne Calvert and the goading of cultist Danny Williams, talk of their economic boom, talk of how to manage the explosive growth and influx of wealth, while at the same time, demand more money from the federal government? It is vulgar and unseemly. If you folks are really worried about managing the economic boom, one way to control the influx of cash into the province is to not try and squeeze it out of Ontario.

Labels: Danny WIlliams is Canada's Jim Jones

I was going to do my usual schtick where I imagine reactions from pundits and bloggers alike to the announcement of a non-partisan commission on the Afghan mission. It was going to be so hilarious with bits like having Paul Wells call Stephen Harper "Mr. Liar-liar-pants-on-fire" and then digress into some self-indulgent bit on going to a jazz club in the 5th arrondissement of Paris. I was then to segue into a section where Jason Cherniak launches an anti-Manley screed ending with his hope that Mr. Manley's tombstone reads, "Fucking Stupid Idiot". It would be topped off with the usual joke about Calgary Grit able to muster only a quote about the Calgary mayoral debates.



But then, I stumbled onto this.



Equally fun will be how those same self-satisfied thinkers react to news that their tired old line about, "given how difficult things are for the Liberals, it must make Tories scream blue murder that we're in a statistical tie." Or maybe we'll hear, "oh, I'd need to see the sampling methodology before I take that poll seriously." My favorite bit of desperation: "But we'll whip him in the maritimes."


Guess what Liberals, its only going to get worse since polls, if anything, are lagging indicators (especially with reference to the maritimes, friends).

Meanwhile, I'm off to get drunk and pretend I had a $14 billion surplus from which to mold a Throne Speech.

Labels: Pax Harpernia Continues

Kudos to Al Gore, who joins Yassar Arafat, as a Nobel Peace Prize winner.

What was the peace Al Gore delivered?

He prevented the onslaught of future wars that will surely arrive due to the cataclysmic effects of global warming. Climate change modelling has already revealed these wars will be the most devastating in human history.

How did he prevent the onslaught?

Well, certainly not through lifestyle choices. Al Gore is the type of environmentalist who thinks nothing of air freighting fish half-way across the world - afterall, when it comes to a party, fuck global warming! But let's forget the ocean-emptying parties he likes to throw. His own house, as we all know, consumes about 20 times more than average household energy consumption. Thankfully, this environmental champion offsets his carbon emissions by purchasing credits from himself. (I'm still waiting for him to at least go through a third party for these offsetting services.)

So, if in real life he's an undeserving hypocrite, how'd he do it?

He made a movie in which, among other hysterical exagerrations, he promised that by ending global warming, we will end hurricanes. Now, we'll be subjected to the vulgar lobbying of Michael Moore for his own Nobel Peace Prize. Then Sean Penn. Then Sasha Trudeau. Hey, if I buy myself a webcam, maybe I'll demand my own Nobel Prize.

So what's the sad conclusion of this news?

Nobel prizes, like Olympic medals, are silly trinkets that have no symbolic value in our society. There is more legitimacy in the Miss America contest than in the Nobels.

Labels: Bill Nye wins Nobel Prize in Physics

Ach, I suppose we have to talk about the re-election of Dalton McGinty's Liberals in that strange land called Ontario. I paid no attention to this election since it was mostly very boring. The only parts that weren't boring were very creepy, namely the public funding of religious schools.

From the vantage point of a disinterested outsider, this issue seemed to be the only issue in the campaign. It turned out to be a hugely unpopular plank in the Tory platform and Liberals spent the campaign attacking it as if it were akin to Talibanizing Ontario. As a consequence, the Liberals merrily defended a status quo that offers preferential treatment to a single, albeit very large and comfortably white, religious minority. Liberal support for this set up calls to mind the words of the only day-late federal director of the Liberal party, "what, will we have to hire more chinese?" Diversity's a fine thing in theory, not in Toronto.

Ontario wags, especially the ones that ruin fine pulp in making the Globe & Mail, love to pretend that Quebec is a seething cauldron of xenophobia. But as of yesterday's vote, Ontario and its provincial Liberals, have nothing on us.

The referendum asking if Ontarians wanted to introduce proportional representation went down in flames. This is terrific because three provinces have asked the question and three electorates have said no. PR is democratic wankery attempting to fix a non-problem with a phony solution. Hopefully, this will kill the idea for about a decade leaving only a few bitter people to snidely complain how unsophisticated we are and pine for a day when our parliament looks like Italy's. For those people, they should occupy the next decade with the following thought: there are as many points along the radius of a circle as their are on its circumfrence. Infinity is mind blowin', ain't it?

Labels: Writing it was painful - I pity anyone who reads it

I think Gilles Duceppe feared that the Liberal party has been threatening his monopoly on foolishness and so he had to act.

Now, its embarassing enough that the only way Gilles Duceppe can draw a crowd is to speak to an audience of students, but to push for greater recognition of the french language by the federal government? What century does the man come from? Where were his advisers when he schemed this up? Did they actually say, "oh yeah, Gilles, that will make us sound fresh and relevent. Maybe you could take a jab at the Catholic Church while you're at it."

Worse, for him that is, asking for these trivial and piddling amendments demonstrates how unnecessary and disconnected the whole separatist agenda has become.

To me, Gilles Duceppe is one legitimate and noble reason for a government to trigger its own defeat and head to elections: Quebeckers are trapped by representation that is listless and toothless. The nation's business will be conducted most productively if that silly party could, at the electors behest, be relieved of its duties.

Labels: Jack, me boy, time to go for teh jugular

My advice to my readers, after having watched almost every horror film ever made, is that if you are trapped in a small room with a brain-eating zombie, the solution is not to invite murderous psychopath in with the hopes that the two villains will cancel each other out. It never works that way. Stephane Dion is not a reader of Chuckercanuck and has decided to do just that. In an effort to cancel out the ankle-biting Iggy, he has invited Bob Rae to play a more visible role in the Liberal front deck by naming him their foreign affairs critic. Likely inadvertently, the move is hugely insulting to his caucus. Look at this quote:

"The current Parliament needs to get to work and produce useful legislation, and this is why I'm adjusting my team by appointing new critics," Dion told reporters.

The only way to make the current Parliament work and produce useful legislation is to name a critic from outside his caucus... cause none of the MPs in his caucus could be useful or productive in that role! And to rub salt into that wound, Garth Turner, the only Liberal MP who makes Denis Corderre look ponderous and respectable, is now a big-cheez cabinet wannabe too. Ouch.

Meanwhile, as Stephane Dion makes a gesture of non-confidence in his caucus, the Liberals have a steaming pile of oh-oh on their hands in the latest poll results. The Liberals are sinking to 28% while the Tories are inching up to 35%. (Remember, Tom Flanagan pointed out, the difference between minority and majority is not some magic % support --- its the spread between you and the next closest opponent.)

So where will the polls be after Stephen Harper gets a little more of the nation's business done? Me thinks Denis Corderre won't be the only Liberal in need of a Burma shave come Christmas time.

Labels: Because Corderre has a beard and asking more of China will be popular

Iggheads must have been as corny as Kansas, high as a kite on the 4th of July, when their boy popped up on Question Period yesterday. Like a schoolyard hero, he breaks through a crowd to fend off bullies from a beaten and broken Stephane Dion. "That's enough!" he shouts, but only after everyone gets the chance to see a humiliated, sobbing Dion crumpled on the ground by the swing set.

Ignatieff is the Rasputin of the Liberal party, touted for his VISION. His VISION is so comprehensive and far-reaching, you can't spell it without capital letters. After his pleas for unity, he whipped out his VISION to pronounce that Canadians don't want an election. Therefore, he'll work his darndest to not have one. To me, leadership is not about taking a position you think is right regardless of its popularity; no, like Iggy, leadership to me is about sussing out what the people want and giving it to them.

Canadians don't want an election. When would they want an election? To my mind, except for us junkies, it would take a dead prostitute in the PMO or government bill to outlaw happiness to get a majority of Canadians hungry for an election.

Someone let Iggy know there's a whole bunch of other things he could do away with because we Canadians aren't big fans of them. Here's 10.

Tax returns.
Dentistry.
Slush.
All interactions with government institutions: car registration, driver's license, medicare cards, passports...
Traffic.
Crabgrass.
Raccoons that eat your garbage.
Turbulence.
Jumping into an outdoor pool before noon.
Yann Martel novels.

Iggy, avoiding an election won't make you any more popular than you are. But taking care of anything on this list? Gold, Iggy, gold.

Labels: Canadians to Ignatieff: Trust us - you don't want the election

Somewhere in the world, the Liberal party defense heavyweight is being airlifted to Afghanistan in order, in his own words, to "do his job" as the official opposition critic. He wants to meet with aid organizations and then meet the troops out in Kandahar. The government has refused to help him get there calling the trip, well, in my words now, a big fucking waste of time and resources from the Liberace of Liberal politics.

How does a trip to the front lines help Denis Corderre do his job? The closest thing to military activity Denis Corderre has gotten was his participation in a Hizbullah-solidarity march two summers ago. Afterall, when Stephane Dion was made leader, Corderre wanted to quit politics and go make use of his MBA. I've had boat-loads of MBAs work for me and I can assure you: military strategy and tactics are not their forte (neither is photocopying, by the way). He could spend the time scolding the troops for their treatment of Taliban prisoners. Maybe he's going to explain the troops that it sucks to be them since all the hard work they are doing expires in February 2009 if Denis Corderre has anything to say about it.

No. A defense critic is not, despite the sweaty-palmed fantasies of boyhood, a military general. He should rely on military assessments from military professionals. Of course, you can't do that when you heap scorn on the military leadership as Mr. Corderre has done. Oh, maybe that's what he could do in Kandahar: dismiss the troops as nothing but a bunch of Conservative stooges.

Labels: Yes that was the defense critic visitng the trenches of Dieppe

Dear Liberals,

Some free polling analysis for you - but, I admit, with an hefty injection of your own thinking.

The latest poll shows you in a statistical dead heat with the Tories. In fact, if the poll is overstating Tory support and understating Liberal support, then you've actually broken into a healthy lead -- 34% for you to 29% for us -- all within the cozy margins of error.

Think about that. You could very well be out front despite the pandemonium in the backrooms and the mass retreat of star candidates. What should you make of this? Two things.

One. Canadians don't like Stephen Harper. You guys have nailed it all along - he's puppy dog tails and worms and fish guts, lacking even a single redeeming characteristic. Its taken time, a really long time, for Canadians to get it (remember, they aren't so clever and easily fooled) - but they now see the Prime Minister is an extreme right-winger whose only objective is to do Bush's bidding. You're about three YouTube videos away from consigning the Prime Minister to the history books.

Two. Despite the horrid news of late, Canadians want the Liberal party to run this country. They want it as bad as cookie dough ice cream and a plasma tv. No one likes to talk about God and destiny, but if the shoe fits --- and this shoe, my friends, fits. Imagine now, if only you guys could make nicey-nicey for a few short days. Plan a picnic with Bob Rae, Stephane Dion and the Iggheads. Take pictures of three-legged races and these titans laughing while munching on cold fried chicken. You wouldn't just be "potentially" in the lead. You'd be shooting past 40% and aiming for the largest majority in Canada's history. After that, the good times could roll again.

So. With these two things in mind, let me ask you? How could you wait another minute... how could you let Canada (oh, and the world) suffer another week of corrosive, unpopular, unhealthy, un-everything governance when the solution is painless and simple: note Nay, pull the plug, put on a picnic. Anything less would seem, well, just plain old lazy to me.

Labels: Looking at the regional breakdowns - I say Tory support is inflated in this poll

Something tells me this is the first step to a Dion majority....

















UPDATE
It appears, after being headlined on Bourque, Jason Cherniak's website has sort of disppeared. So, if you are wondering what Mr. Cherniak - riding president and self-described Senior Liberal - had said, here's my paraphrase:

The person who leaked the Jamie Carroll comments to the press should not only be knocked off the Liberal executive, he or she should have one thing chiseled into his or her tombstone when she or he died: "Stupid Fucking Idiot".

Sweet, ain't it?

Labels: More more more more more more more

So last week, if you recall, there was some explosive controversy within the Liberal party. Okay wait. Let me clarify which one: some guy at party headquarters, Jamie Carroll, was in a meeting and he either: (a) insulted Quebeckers; (b) insulted chinese Canadians; (c) insulted neither but acted like a turd blossom without the blossom; (d) all of the above. To really understand what happened, you have to speak Liberal, which I don't, so I'm no help there.

Either way, after not being fired for the matter despite the many calls for it, Jamie Carroll has resigned and demands 12 - 16 months salary for the ruination of his reputation at the hands of senior Liberals. Lawyers have advised him that he has a solid case for some serious damages should he puruse his legal options.
Wait a second.... wait a second... Lawyers advised Jamie Carroll that he would win a defamation suit against the Liberal party because a handful of them said he was insensitive to, well, we're not really sure?

Then I have a mesage for Jamie Carroll: get in line.

Even within the Liberal family, people have been smeared worse than Jamie. Take Joe Volpe. His leadership bid was dashed when the Liberal party trumped up a bunch of baloney about fraud which it retracted only after it was too late to salvage his bid. Now there's a Liberal with a defamation suit written with a bunch of 0s at the end of it.

But bullocks to Liberals, I say. When you join the Liberal party, its with dreams of becoming an ambassador or sitting on a Status of X,Y or Z commission with a plump paycheck and nice expense stipend: if you swim with sharks, you can't be shocked when you get the odd limb nibbled off - its the pay to play principle.

No, if Jamie Carroll can sue for defamation, then so should Chuckercanuck and with much greater cause. Let's review the record. Just focusing on the last two years, Liberals have said I am a reckless spender who would take every available penny and spend it on alcohol and junk food; Liberals have said that I am raising my children to be criminals; and just last December, the Liberal leader said I had no social conscience. Talk about having a reputation besmirched.

Do you know what it feels like to be characterized by Liberals as a bad citizen making destructive lifestyle choices with no regard for his fellow citizens or future generations? If you read this blog, chances are you know just how fowlly Liberals defame you. So here's what I propose: let's launch a class action defamation suit against the Liberal party. For every dollar Jamie Caroll collects, we deserve ten. Each.

Labels: Erin Brokovitch - save us from the Liberals

As the world's foremost expert of horror films, particularly the zombie subgenre, I consider myself relatively immune from the creepy and the chilling. World-weary in this department, I figure I've pretty much seen it all.

Until now...

Labels: Message received - I promise to be nicer

Three cheers to Bob Rae who, unlike his leader, manages to put together a cogent, thoughtful response to a possible announcement in the upcoming Throne Speech. Cogent and thoughtful don't equal good or desirable, but they are important steps to becoming a useful official opposition.

The issue? The Tories may want to limit federal spending in provincial jurisdictions. You know, have the federal government focus on its jurisdictions and have the provinces focus on their jurisdictions. Bob Rae's argument against this goes like this: the federal government needs to impose a pan-canadian vision on the provinces on a tossed salad of issues (take your pick of progressive worries). He says a lot of blah, blah (e.g., he speaks for John A. MacDonald and calls him a Liberal) but the nub of his argument is captured in the previous sentence. While he touts the miracles of a federal government imposing services on the provinces, he sidesteps one of the ugly consequences of having federal intrusion: what happens when, as in 1995, the federal government decides to cut the chord on funding?

Anyway. My point is not to argue within that framework, but to reject it entirely. The Tory vision of things can be summed up like this: let the provinces do what they are charged with doing. Canada is a viral nation. Ideas, policies, practices will spread across the provinces and territories as they are proved out to be workable and, hopefully, beneficial. Bob Rae's fist love, medicare, is exactly the result of this virus. Medicare was not invented in Ottawa. The concept was implemented first in Saskatchewan by Tommy Douglas. From there, it spread. Sure, the feds hopped on a bandwagon and imposed it nationwide.... because it was a popular idea. The clamouring for universal daycare from Liberal client-groups looks to... looks to.... ah yes, a program in Quebec, done without federal pan-Canadian visionism. Not my cup of tea, but viral ideas can be as good as they are bad. Witness municipal mergers - in Quebec and Ontario.

Ideas, policies & practices cannot be shut out by the moats and firewalls Bob Rae fears will be constructed around the 13 fiefs of Stephen Harper's Canada - they spread irresistably through the ether. Certainly, they do not need a federal government to decide which ideas should be discarded and which ideas should be forced on the rest of us. In fact, when federal governments see themselves as the master-switchboard for these ideas, it is then that our policy landscape becomes a sterile place. So, Bob, please don't play Scooby-Doo: everything would go swimmingly without you meddling kids.

Labels: Manitoba has no clue what was going down in Saskatchewan, Suddenly