ChuckerCanuck 2.0

Professor Michael Keren of the University of Calgary has just published a book that proves what you and I already know:

Bloggers are losers. Lonely people submersed each in their own private fantasy land. Withdrawn, awkward, pathetic. If you post anonymously or have a handle but no blog, don't kid yourselves: you're the biggest losers of the bunch because you can't even get a half-assed make-believe life up and running.

In the Montreal Gazette article this morning, Professor Keren even gives the Beatles cue by saying bloggers are busy "writing sermons that no one will hear." Mmmm, McCartney, no? Very deep. Besides, does Professor Keren not expect a similar audience for his book? It isn't exactly blockbuster material, like say a confession from OJ Simpson. Before calling me Father MacKenzie, I would point out that my sermons fill my pews more than most churches. On a daily basis. (The real defect common to all bloggers is braggardly meglomania).

The Gazette put this article below the fold but on the front page. From my terrible mistakes, you know I'm no editor, so its mysterious to me why a story about what useless rejects bloggers are would be put in such a prominent place in the newspaper. I can't recall getting a Gazette and seeing on the front page: "Only the most impotent dweebs become academics". It did bury to the back pages the Liberal counterattack of releasing a letter Stephen Harper wrote five years ago where he attacks the Kyoto accord and the environmental auditor general and the whole auditor general firing the environmental auditor general story. Smells like tuna to me, maybe someone from the "9/11 was an inside job" crowd could shed a little light on that potential link in the consipracy.

Chuckercanuck is not a poll-driven blog. You will never find clever remarks where the last word is linked to a poll result that makes clear why those remarks are so darned clever. However, sometimes, poll results are so stunning and dramatic that to ignore them is to ignore real, deep changes in public opinion. Plus, Andre Boisclair freaks out over polls like a high-school girl on the way to her first school dance with a pimple on her cheek. When, some months back, polls showed the first dramatic plunge in PQ support in the first months of Boisclair’s reign, he lashed out at journalists, whining about a conspiracy to make him look bad. It was as pathetic as his basement-hideout routine over the United Canada resolution that his separatist cousins in Ottawa unanimously supported.

Today, two polls were released in Quebec and both showed the same thing: for the first time in 3 years, Jean Charest’s Liberals lead in voter support. The interesting thing here is that the support for the Liberals hasn’t changed over the past year. Its not so much that folks are taking a shine to the provincial Liberals: Quebeckers are fleeing the PQ in droves, sending that party to levels of support it hasn’t seen since… since… someone remind me when the PQ was formed. Adding to his woes, Mr. Boisclair cannot gather a herd of star candidates to run in the next election – the most exciting catch he’s made is the former student council president of a Lava high school. What rises to Alanis Morrisette levels of Irony is that of all the revelations, stumbles and embarassements: Mr. Boisclair’s cocaine use as a cabinet minister has been the least damaging to his support!

Fellow Tories, the polls tossed us quite a few bones too. That enormous swath of voters repulsed by the 90210 leadership of the PQ has moved, almost entirely, to Mario Dumont’s Action Democratique – who are at a staggering 24% in the polls.

Federally, the polling results show the same sag for the Bloc as the PQ with Duceppe approaching unmitigated ridicule territory while the Tories have returned to their election levels of support. Let me repeat: election levels of support. What will some progress on the environment and a juicy budget do to those numbers? As Trudeau would have said, “just watch them.”

Liberal leader Stephane Dion had one question for the Prime Minister today: do you believe in the science of climate change?

I found this a most provocative question. Not in the sense Mr. Dion wants, but in the ridiculous premises you must accept to find Mr. Dion's question sensible.

Do you believe in the science of climate change?

Science is most definitely not something to believe in. It has been the struggle of the last centuries in our civilization to separate the two and develop what we call "the scientific method" which is about scrubbing our knowledge of beliefs.

In the 21st century, this fundamental of western progress is being eroded. Whereas in the United States, the attack comes from fundamentalists trying to remove evolution theory from school curriculums; in Canada, it is coming from the Liberal Party, its lobbyist allies and its leader - hysterical dogmatists who "believe" science.

reader intervention: Oh Chuckercanuck, you can't predict the coming dark ages based on a single question by some passing Liberal leader.

No, you're right. Except Jane Jacobs predicted the coming dark ages, I'm just noticing she was right.

Do you believe in the science of climate change?

Even after ignoring the corrosive implications mentioned above, this question is overpacked, stuffed till the stitches burst, overloaded with a thousand key and excluding decisions that to ask the question is to commit a crime of simplification.

Calling it a crime is for giggles, of course, but to pretend there is a binary position on climate change, believe or no, threatens the public's ability to make wise decisions. David Suzuki, Stephane Dion and the other hystericists would say, "we have no time for wisdom".

The ice age, Mr. Dion, truly did happen. Its beyond belief, or better yet, before belief. Climates have changed. Inuit walked from Asia to North America. Hot-blooded and giant dinosaurs roamed Calgary. Londoners skated on the river Thames.

Climates will change, Mr. Dion, whether you believe in it or not. How it will change? What will that change do to us? Can we stop it from changing? Better to know then believe.

Chuckercanuck loves gossip, bizarre love triangles and all manner of titillation. In fact, many folks would regard me as a fairly immature hack easily sated by the kind of sex scandals which crop up every other week in the UK. (Of course here in Canada, scandals are always boringly money related.) Not that what I’m about to share with you scores higher than a 2 on the 10-point Titillation Scale, but it paints a small portrait of the strange, almost incestuous world of Canadian media and politics while at the same time being a cute little story of Ottawa romance. (All this comes from the National Post Parliament Hill gossip column).

Jeffrey Simpson has children. The smug mug shot that hovers over his columns doesn’t suggest stud at first glance, but there you have it: Mr. Simpson has a son, Tait.

How on Earth do you think Tait earns a living? Podiatrist? JDS Uniphase engineer? Car mechanic? Why no! Of course, Tait Simpson works for…. The Liberal Party!
I’m as stunned as you. Reading his columns, I can’t imagine Jeffrey Simpson producing Liberal offspring. Tait must be a real rebel.

Anyway, Tait is in love. And who has won his heart? Katie Martin, daughter of Lawrence Martin – fellow columnist at the Globe & Mail and, like Mr. Simpson, a pinnacle of sobre, impartial punditry.

Like Sachmo, I get weepy anytime a couple comes together – there is no more lovely thing in the world. But I get an equally big kick out of imagining what Tait asking Kate out sounded like:

Tait: Uh, would you like to grab a coffee sometime? We could talk about how Bush-inspired Stephen Harper is.

Katie: Okay. I know a great fair trade shop we could visit – sometimes that Bush-puppet, Harper, stops in, but otherwise it’s a great place.

Tait: Give me your email and I’ll blackberry you. How’s that sound?

Katie: Better than a week at the Crawford ranch, that much I know.

Tait: If you want, I can send you a screen saver that counts down the days until Bush is out of office.

Katie (swoons at this): Cool.

Our friends in progressive-land are scandalized that the Tories are set to unleash anti-Dion ads starting this week. Unlike populo-statist parties like the NDP and the Liberals, the Tories receive many small donations from across Canada, constantly, affording them a campaign warchest that other parties could only match by - well, we were reminded this week of how Liberal organizers, like Marc Yvan Cote, could match such a warchest. So the Tories can afford an ad campaign, including spots during the Super Bowl, to introduce Stephane Dion to the Canadian public, even though we likely won't see the ballot box in 2008.

Critics, like Mr. Dion himself, say the ads will backfire. They won't dent Mr. Dion and they will make the Tories look desperate.

Of course, they will dent Mr. Dion because attack ads always work when they are true. In the case of specific campaign, the ads will contain only real life stuff from Mr. Dion himself. It will put Mr. Dion on display and ask the viewer to judge. Rumours are, according to the Tabernator herself, the ads are hilarious. My guess is, they are not hilarious - or only the deepest political geek will end up agreeing with that assessment. So I will love them, no doubt.

Of course 2, there will be people making a vigorous case that the Tories are desperate by running these ads. Remember, these folks operate in a world where a scattering of rich people fund their party activities, so whne they run ads, its gobbles up their budgets completely. More to the point, people called Chuckercanuck desperate after I began delivering a fairly negative protrayal of Stephane Dion. So, in my mind, the Tories took too long to release the hounds as Mr. Burns would say.

When Stephane Dion said people who voted Conservative had "no social conscience" he disqualified himself from moving beyond opposition leader. Not so much that it was divisive and brittle, rather that it revealed an inflexible mind full of unchallenged dogma. Recall, as a university professor in liberal arts in Quebec, he has no economic credibility and has never had his knee-jerk statism challenged by his overwhelmingly marxist-separatist colleagues. So when I heard the mad bark of socialismo latino in that comment, I knew the country would be better off with him replaced as soon as possible; ideally before a potential 2008 election.

This week, Mr. Dion's pining for the sponsorship muchachos, his awkward declarations on behalf of France ("France doesn't want to dismantle Canada") and his hostility to the traditional family only dug him a deeper hole and made the requirement for serious opposition all the more urgent. Paging Mr. Ignatieff, paging Mr. Ignatieff, the Liberal Party wants to be a mainstream party...someday.

Sorry about this but to see this quote, you have to watch this(Friday's broadcast) up to the Week in Review at the start of the second half of the show. But here's what Stephane Dion said about Harper's government:

"What about the cause of children? Not even one child care space created!" he even had a half-decent line, "Take the Dryden Plan, call it the Harper if you want. Just do it."

Tragedy is, if he had just used that second line, I would have chuckled and scored a point for him on the running score I keep in my head.

But the first line tells us what we already suspected but now cannot ignore: this feller is hard left. As in Titanum Carbide hard.

Rainbow and skYpiper are not children. Their success and welfare is of no concern to Liberals. The only children who are real children are day-cared children. The Dryden Plan, the Liberal mantra, seeks to evaporate those children whose caregiver is a parent. If the measure of the cause of children in only daycare spaces, then those home-raised critters cannot be called children. Oh, yes, Ralph Ellison: Inivisible Children. [yankee bashers should read that incredible, electric book.]

We have seen this fall how hostile liberal activist groups are to stay-at-home mothers, using epithets like "barefoot, pregnant in the kitchen" - insults once thrown by chauvinists are now thrown by feminists. By remaining in a traditional lifestyle, stay-at-home mothers corrode and corrupt society. They undermine the feminist movement by rejecting work and they ruin children; Dr. Benett, Liberal leadership candidate, said stay-at-home mothers raise criminals; only governments can raise law-abiding citizens. (holy geez, that last bit is the kind of scary thought that would have Hugo Chavez nodding).

It is deeply perverted to equate the cause of children with the cause of daycared children. Only the Tories have advanced the cause of children. All children.

Meanwhile, two-income families will continue to clamour for government funded daycare spaces while enjoying an enormous fiscal disparity between themselves and the more heavily taxed one-income families. Again, under Liberals, the tax code evolved to punish single-income families in hopes of engineering them out of society.

The West Island of Quebec is not a geographic island - it is the western half of the island of Montreal. It is, culturally, an island: an Anglophone Ghetto at the heart of Quebec's metropolis. Historically, this overwhelmingly federalist section of Quebec sends Liberals to the Quebec legislature. Not because we like Liberals, rather our votes are cast out of fear of the PQ and their marxist-separatist ravings.

Today, however, no one is afraid of separatism. It is a movement led by an ass who likes to make lists of foreign leaders with whom he would or would not like to have multi-party sexual relations. He travels abroad to win converts to separatism because there are none to be had here in Quebec.

Meanwhile, the Liberals under Jean Charest have failed to deliver the 2nd Quiet revolution they had promised when elected. Instead, they operate the province under the tired axiom: "what's good for the union bosses is good for Quebec." The single greatest let-down has been the continued raping of suburban coffers to prop up the bloated, incompetent municipal government of Montreal.

See, the West Island of Montreal is an undemocratic eddy in Canadian waters: we have no choice at the polls. Vote for the Liberals or face ravenous hordes of separatists. Because we must accept the tyranny of Liberal representation, Liberals feel that they could ram virtually any policy down our throats and we would accept it.

1989 proved to be an exception: the West Island, disgusted with Premier Bourassa's language policies, sent 4 MNAs from the cooky Equality Party.

2007 will prove to be another exception: the West Island, following the leadership of its mayors, will swing its support behind the Action Democratique and Mario Dumont.

Contrary to what Liberals will tell you, federal or provincial, "social justice" does not mean constant, unblinking theft and abuse of people who have good educations and consequently, good jobs. At some point, Atlas does indeed shrug. Read my shoulders - shrug, shrug, shrug.

If Stephane Dion is learning anything from his deputy, its the art of massive retreat from a terrible position of his own choosing.

Yesterday, Stephane Dion suggested he liked the idea of restoring Marc-Yvan Cote to the Liberal Party of Canada. (Cote was ousted permanently from the party after feeding candidates with cash of - ahem - unknown origin.) Today, at least according to the Globe & Mail, Stephane Dion has added some nuance to that position. He is not actively lobbying on Mr. Cote's behalf and its not a decision for him to make anyway. None of that alters the content of the original statement which remains a rather startling window into the mind of Stephane Dion.

Gilles Duceppe popped up from his hole and, in addition to declaring another 6 brutal weeks of winter, reminded everyone of the final political question of the sponsorship scandal.

Who did Marc-Yvan Cote give the $100 bills to? Which candidates? If Marc-Yvan is just a loveable scamp, then so are the folks who finally spent that delicious sponsorship cash - don't worry about us "getting upset" anyway; you know we're all over-reacting Let's just map out the entire supply chain from source to consumer for fun.

Rushing to Mr. Dion's aid with red herrings about Mr. Dion's integrity is futile - everyone plainly knows the issue is judgement, not personal integrity. However, one must take care: you can leave a whorehouse only so many times and still claim to be a virgin.

ps. why are Kinsella, Wells, Calgary Grit et al so quiet? Only brave Cherniak wades in.

Folks know me as a Yankee-phile. 'Course, down in your neck of the woods, that might come across wrong: I'm an America-lover. Red State. Blue State. From the Bay area to the Bayoos, Chuckercanuck loves every corner of your fine country. America is a force of good in this world and alternatives to what the French call "American Hyper-Power" scare the bejesus outta me.

Today, though, I'm hotter than a roasted peanut just out of the oven.

Stockwell Day ain't presumin' to tell you nothin'. He's askin', quite nicely, that you consider the evidence before you and make a just decision when it comes to Maher Arar. Right now, the only worry about Mr. Arar is that his wife ran for the NDP - but I doubt very much he'd sneak into your country to do some communist rabble-rousing.

Canada is your closest friend and friendship does indeedle-dee-doodle-dee mean we tell you when we think you ain't on the right track. We don't question your right to refuse anyone into the United States. We do suggest, however, that it does your country no service when you make that refusal an entirely arbitrary affair. There's somethin' - gosh - un-American about that.

In the 1997 federal election, Marc-Yvan Cote received $120,000 in $100 bills from the executive director of the Liberal Party’s Quebec wing. He took the money and distributed it to 12 candidates. Not a raised brow, not a pinch of doubt, not a question about where the money came. What did it matter – the cause was the most noble cause ever taken up by the human species: getting Liberals elected.

Then the sponsorship scandal broke and we all found out about the clever graft perpetrated by the Liberal party against the Canadian tax payer. Marc-Yvan Cote, for his participation in the fraud, was banned for life from the Liberal party along with nine other souls. Banning 10 people was a symbol that the corruption was contained and not representative of the entire party. Banning for life was a symbol that the Liberal party would never associate with folks who felt entitled to use our money for their personal gain.

But Stephane Dion wants to reverse those decisions and return Marc-Yvan Cote to the heart of the Liberal party. It was an “exaggerated” punishment, Mr. Dion says. The more I think about it, the more I agree. Mr. Cote, according to Mr. Dion, recognized his error. It was a simple mistake. Folks handle thousands of dollars in $100 bills all the time – you can’t expect them to be suspicious each time a brown envelope of cash is slipped into their laps.

Why, just yesterday, my wife handed me $72,000 in $50 bills and asked that I deliver it to a creepy neighbor down the street. In exchange, he handed me a locked briefcase for my wife. Nothing strange about that. She does these cash-for-locked-briefcase transactions all the time. It has something to do with fundraising for my daughter’s pre-school. Hell, I think, children are just about the greatest cause there is.

Here, here, Mr. Dion. Let’s bring them all back. The real slop-pigs are Canadians who dared to question the activities of the semi-deified Liberal party.

If you all can make sense of Friend K-Dough's request, let me know. In the meantime, I believe he wants us to discuss the state of man-hood the way feminists might debate the status of women in relation to their struggle for world domination. This is great timing, because I was about to deliver my annual State of Canadian Manhood address tonight.

Fellow Canadian Men,

The State of Manhood in the Northern Dominion of Canada is deteriorating faster than a bridge to Montreal. If we do not take radical corrective action over the next 5 to 10 years, the Canadian man will go extinct. In its place, Canadian girls accidentally born with penis and testicles.

Too often, Canadian man is using the industrialization of child rearing through institutional daycare as a means to relieve himself of the responsibility to support his children and the mother of his children. We are not miners, fishermen or loggers risking themselves daily to bring income to our families anymore. Suddenly, Canadian man looks at the mother of his children and says, "well, you could hustle a little harder at work, you know." Shriveling the ambition muscle in Canadian man denies him his basic spark of life. As a corollary, Canadian man has too quickly abandoned his reverence for motherhood.

Canadian man drinks too much beer. While beer has its place at summer picnics and business lunches, Canadian man has turned it into an adult blanky - the bubble-simple brew is a grown up drink with lots of teen appeal. Real men drink hard liquor, ice is optional - the efficient delivery mechanism of balm for the soul. Furthermore, Canadian man should not submit the import, distribution or retailing of booze to the tyranny of the state. Government interference in the booze business should cause the plasma in every cell in every Canadian man to curdle.

Canadian man avoids walking and low-level exertion too much. What a pathetic display to see a man get on an elavator at floor 9 and get off at floor 11. How heart-breaking to see the young and vigorous stand on the achingly slow escalator as it carries them up; more shamefully, to see men standing on rolling carpets at airports like they were George Jetson.

This year, Men of Canada, think about how you each contribute to the above disgraces and clean your acts up.

(I will tag in a later update).

Andre Boisclair and Segolene Royal met today. If you don't know, she's the socialist running for president in France. The big question on everybody's mind: would Madame Royal resist the temptation to engage in a three-way sexual encounter with Mr. Harper and Mr. Bush if given the opportunity? Unlike brave Mr. Boisclair, she did not answer that one, so we are left to speculate on just how good a socialist she is.

But one thing is clear: like all French citizens, Madame Royal said, she supports the sovereignty and freedom of Quebec.

First thing to note, dear friends, is that Quebec separatists, whether in Quebec or the full French variety, couldn't give a rat's ass about Quebeckers. Its Quebec's freedom that matters, not the freedom of individual Quebeckers. If Madame Royal had any interest in democracy, she would note that Quebeckers have twice rejected her dream of an independent Quebec. But what do we know - we're simply the descendents of whores and idiots.

Second thing to note, dear friends, is that France is no ally of Canada. Its political leaders regularly and, occasionally with force, call for the dismantling of Canada. The urge to see Canada dissolved into a hundred little tribes spans the spectrum from right-wing Gaullists to left-wing socialists. Yet we Canadians pretend that the French are our friends. Pourquoi?

(I'm curious if Segolene Royal will promise French military assistance to assure the borders of the province of Quebec remain the borders of this new super-dooper country of Quebec? Or is she but a fair weather pecker-bird?)

While I am thrilled that the Prime Minister took a mere minutes to offer a blistering response and even our premier, Jean Charest, made some unhappy comments regarding her interference in our domestic affairs, I feel like Satan in the Cadbury commercials --- "Not Enough."

1) No French President should attend the 400th anniversary of Quebec City this summer. What a joke that celebration would be with those snakes slithering around the plains of Abraham looking for some pathetic, Golum-esque revenge.

2) No Canadian Prime Minister, including his lordship, the Great Stephen Harper, should travel to France except to visit the graves of fallen Canadian soldiers who fought to liberate France under the false assumption that we were all on the same side.

3) Canadians should boycott french wine, obviously. As well: brie, camembert, Peugot cars and Tintin cartoons.

4) Canadians visiting France should hurl molotov cocktails at passing buses, just to get a feel for what its like to be a real Frenchman.

5) In Canada, we eat United Canada Fries, United Canada toast and, when we are in the grips of mad passion, we should exchange deep, slurpy United Canada kisses.

Go on right now: get up from your computer, climb the stairs out of your basement, find your spouse/significant other/same-sex partner/inflatable Santa and give that person the tongueist United Canada Kiss that you have ever delivered. Our nation's honour depends on it.

The signal, in my house, that the weekend will be party-central is when I look up on the potato chip shelf and find it replenished to the maximum. I know its fancy company coming when the chips were neither chosen by a president or exclusively sold in a pharmacy chain but have a bone fide brand name attached to them. Such was my joyful discovery Friday night: three large bags of Lay’s potato chips on the top shelf in the kitchen – a yellow bag for regular; a teal bag for salt’n’vinegar and then an orange bag for smoky bacon.

Wow! Smoky bacon! My wife would never ordinarily indulge my passion for simulated bacon flavour – I must have been exceptionally good that week. I yanked the bag down from the shelf and just before I opened them, saw the word “Curry” printed large across the bag. Not smoky bacon – but Lay’s curry flavour. I love Indian food as much as the next guy, but I am not a buck-toothed, balding brit rubbing his hands lustily over the idea that everything in life should be coated in curry. Three chips into my snacking and I knew the weekend was ruined. I screamed at my wife, “what the hell are these curry chips? Is this some multicultural crap?”

I was joking until I turned the bag over and read that yes, indeed, Lay’s has introduced exotic flavoured chips to promote Canadian multiculturalism. Next month, harissa chips to celebrate the Tangiers and in March, caraway chips to pay homage to the Finns of Thunder Bay. Hopefully, Lay’s will follow up with a gay-friendly chip, a single mothers chip and a global warming chip made entirely of non-carbon product.

Canada does not need multicultural chips. Canada’s potato chips are unique and worthy of celebration as is, in all their mundane glory. As proof, I offer the following conversation I had with a Texan who knew more about Canada than I expected:

Texan: I remember being in Canada and I went to buy chips. (scowls) You have ketchup chips. What kind of shit is that? Ketchup chips. That’s gross!

CC: But, don’t you eat French fries with ketchup?

Texan: Freedom fries?

CC: Sorry, yeah, don’t you eat Freedom fries with ketchup?

Texan: Uh-huh. (looks at me like I’m speaking in toungues).

CC: Well, what’s the difference between chips and freedom fries with ketchup?

Texan: (wrinkling his nose) Ketchup chips are disgusting.

Today, the Gandalf of Canadian conservatism, Andrew Coyne, declared the conservative moevement dead. And who is guilty of this ideocide? Look in the mirror, fellow Tories, it is us. Well, not really us, but the folks who run the party - starting the with guy at the top. We aren't Conservatives: we're not-Liberal Liberals.

And so Mr. Coyne invites us to the traditional right-wing canniballistic feast where we tear each other apart with accusations of who's a real conservative and who isn't then roast the losers on a spit. As much as I would enjoy a discussion of whether Mr. Coyne's centralizing tendencies are conservative or not, I think I'll decline the invitation.

The government has not been perfectly conservative, but it is unmistakably conservative. Mr. Coyne says there have been no deep broad-based tax cuts; instead a spaghetti of targeted cuts. He ignores the broadest type of tax cut possible - the GST tax cut which was the bulk of total tax cuts in the last budget. He rails against government spending - he ignores the $1 billion in cuts made in early fall. Cuts that the media and opposition are still using as a beard for attacks on the value of the stay-at-home mother. Further, he ignores Mr. Harper's attempts to create a fiscal system where levels of government focus on their exclusive jurisdictions and have the means to fund those responsibilities.

The non-fiscal beef with the Tories is "Quebec"; like it automatically triggers a flood of ill-tidings and gross panderings. A single catchbasin word, "Quebec", standing in for an endless string of revulsions. I can't deny my affection for Quebec and wonder if Mr. Coyne thinks such affection isn't very "conservative"

Liberal government could have submitted the Nation notion because only conservatives see a distinction between people, citizens, individuals and the status appartus within which they live. The province of Quebec and nation of Quebec are forever divided as two separate things. Recall, the Liberal position was to recognize Quebec the province as a nation and like the Bloc motion, did not call for a united Canada. Andrew Coyne may hate the motion, but that doesn't make it un-conservative.

At heart, the disappointment from "real conservatives" stems from the incrementalist nature of this government. Here, the "real conservatives" find common cause with the rabid left, bitterly dispising the fact that Harper isn't a revolutionary.

Like most Blogging Tories, I received the Khan report that the media and Liberals want to have a look at. At the time, the orders from the International Alliance of Planet-Wide Conspiracies was not to blog about it and instead focus on how many wacky things come out of the new Liberal Deputy Leader's mouth. I'm disobeying orders because its true, the history of our nation turns over the Khan report. In fact, it would only be a mild exagerration to say that the Khan report will trigger the next step in human evolution; John Lennon's "Imagine" as reality, not melody. How can I keep this private? It must be set free. I realized how big this issue was when Paul Wells pointed out the Stern Report was public -- shouldn't this be too?

The solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict:

Israel must retreat to its 1967 borders. It sucks to give up land gained in defensive action, but victory is existance, acceptance and cooperative trade. For now, the Golan Heights at best becomes a Kosovo-style protectorate to eliminate Iranian/Syrian action as peace with Syria will be unlikely. The UN should devise a Marshall Plan for Palestine

Now, here's where Canada comes in:

Remember those plans we drafted in the 80s about Turks and Cacos? Say hello, Jerusalem.

If ever a Montrealer doubted who the masters of our island universe are, then a recent court decision should put that to rest.

A lovely chap, Gerry Zombor, worked for the Ville-St-Laurent public works, now part of the mega-union of the mega-city of Montreal.
Over a period of one year, leading up to a new collective bargain, Mr. Zombor earned 6 suspensions after which he was fired. His earned his suspensions thusly:

He threw a billiard ball through a wall at the public works building and when a foreman wanted to talk about the violent surge, he told the foremen to make love to himself in the most foul terms possible. [note, this is a grown adult male of our species]

He helped organize an illegal wild-cat strike that paralyzed city traffic as our helpful men in blue collars blocked roads with their pickups.

He told a foreman that “war had been declared” and that the foreman would have difficult going to the toilet.

He verbally abused a female foreman because a student worker was in the city arena without steel-toe boots (personal note: finding someone without steel-toe boots on their worksite is every union’s most delirious fantasy).

He dropped a noose on a foreman’s desk and chuckled malevolently about his plans for its use.

All in all, Gerry Zombor is the sort of tyrant who makes the workplace a pool of poison and place of dread for many people who just want to do a good job and collect a paycheque. Not only should he be fired from his job but he should seek counseling for his Hun-like nastiness.

But a Quebec judge decided differently. The judge restored him to his job and excused his actions as a noble quest for an acceptable collective agreement. The ruling was just shy of awarding Gerry Zombor the Order of Canada. Union workers have the right to destroy property, harass colleagues and threaten death without fear of losing their jobs.

Or maybe the Solomon-wise judge thinks ALL workers have that right. Chuckercanuck is in the middle of his annual collective bargaining with his employers. (I am the sole member of the Chuckercanuck Workers of Canada). As part of my noble quest for a higher salary, I plan to smash the central servers in the office, tell the receptionist to lick me where the sun don’t shine and lob ninja stars at my boss. All done under the protective watch of our justice system.

Like all good Canadians, when I hear about school boards in the US bible belt being bullied out of teaching evolution by some brick-brained fanatics who’s authority on God outstrips even God himself, I giggle smugly through sips of espresso and bites of hazelnut biscotti. Thankfully, our schools – at least not until university – stay clear of politicizing education or using the classroom as an opportunity for ideological promulgation.

But all that could change later this week when Toronto-area teachers vote on a motion to teach students about “Israel’s continued violation of the human rights of Palestinians.”

This motion, pass or fail, is an obscenity from every angle.

1) Unions have a job – to represent their members in collective bargaining and ensure that bargain is respected. Like CUPE, the Ontario Secondary School Teachers Federation should not tack on foreign affairs to that core responsibility, no matter how idle the union leadership is. If union bosses are spending their days worrying about international conflicts, then I think we can safely assume there is no real work for those union bosses to do. Fire them and let the teachers pocket the savings.

2) Teachers should not make students feel like shit for being part of whatever group the teacher’s union decides to demonize. In a multicultural country, any public classroom would be poisoned by this activity. Of course, “jewish exceptionalism” comes into play here: the union will slyly smile and say, “jews” and “israelis” are not the same thing and if jewish students got upset with sanctioned screeds then its their problem, not the teachers. At the risk of saying something outrageously controversial: shouldn’t we be extra-sensitive when dealing with young people?

3) What conflicts will come next? Will the teacher’s union take up the cause of Irish republicanism and the guerrilla war of the IRA? Why should the Palestine-Israel conflict get all the attention when we have plenty of diasporas in Canada to pick on.

4) Since we are dealing with children here, shouldn’t the teachers at least include a module on the sociopathic death cult that encourages Palestinian youth to blow themselves up as the easiest way to get laid?

If the teachers have any sense, they will vote this motion down and pretend it never happened. Otherwise, parents should be able to take a page from the book of W: opt out of the public system and move their tax dollars and children to private schools.

Sorry to break you all into cold sweats, but here's a pop quiz:

Stephane Dion addressed a business crowd in Toronto this morning. What did he speak about?

A - The urban agenda
B - Foreign Relations and Trade
C - Afghanistan
D - Taxation policy
E - The environment

If you didn't say "E" for environment then you fail, or as Stephane Dion would say, "you have no social conscience." The Torontonians assembled might be forgiven if they had thought crime would come up - given that King and Bay, the heart of Canada finance, was closed this morning after a midnight shootout left two young men dead. Of course, those Torontonians, having full lives and not seeking to lead the country, can't afford to pursue a single topic with a missionary zeal that would make Jean-de-Brefeuf gulp.

Before a crowd of who we hope to be fairly intelligent folks, Stephane Dion trotted out perhaps the lamest catechism he ever foisted on us: cutting mega-tonnes of emissions will create mega-tonnes of cash. The idea is that Canada would make a fortune off the technological innovations it would need to achieve the feat. If a single one of the audience, other than the low priests of Dionism (his staffers), took that phrase to have any more substance than the kid's Christmas wishlist, then Toronto is in trouble. Innovation is a lovely thing but sadly cannot be turned on and off by a prime minister, like a tap. Its one of those things that make planned economies rather difficult to make work, sexy though they may be to Liberals.

But Liberals have me confused these days. Aside from the purge of Bad Liberals, they can manage only one issue: the environment. Granted, they do so with the fervor of soul-saving, tongues-speaking preachers. Meanwhile, Elizabeth May and the Green Party are tackling issues like abortion, Afghanistan and non-climate change environmental issues. Remind me again which one is the fringe party?

By the end of the weekend, the wonder twins of Quebec separatism emerged looking ready for battle. Andre Boisclair, bronzed from a tropical sailing trip that did not include Stephen Harper, George Bush or whip cream (well, maybe it did include the latter), walked Gilles Duceppe through a dazzling electoral strategy:

The only way to solve [insert issue of the day] is through Quebec separation. Montreal’s bridges falling down? Separate! Kyoto Accord? Separate! Medical wait times? Separate! There isn’t a problem on earth that doesn’t immediately disappear once 1 person more than 50% says, “you know, I would like to call Andre Boisclair Grand Wazir of Quebeckistan”. In fact, replace the word “separate” with “Allah” and you instantly see that separatists are basically Iranian mullahs without the beards or sense of humor.

The likeness to Iran’s mullah’s doesn’t end at peddling draining delusions of one stop political solution shopping. Boisclair and his junior, Duceppe, argued yesterday that Quebec has no internal disagreements, only differences with the rest of Canada. Separatists enjoy the phony contention that Quebeckers are the only human beings, in the history of our species, to have no disagreements among ourselves. We are 7.5 million political photocopies where any divergence from the Marxist mannah delivered by the separatists can be ignored as a quirk of an imperfect Xerox machine. So, would a separate Quebec have political parties or elections? Why bother? A council of separatist elders and union bosses would manage things so much more efficiently and we’d end up agreeing with their decisions anyway. Besides, in a separate Quebec, there would be no problems to solve anyway. God is good, but the Fleur-de-Lys is even better.

This week, Stephane Dion is set to name his shadow cabinet, a decisive six weeks since he became leader of the Liberal Party. Early indications are that Mr. Dion is following Jean Lapierre's advice to make the Liberal party as "virgin" as possible. As part of that re-flowering process, Mr. Dion will be setting Ralph Goodale to pasture on bench way up in parliament's bleachers. The price, they say, for Mr. Goodale's last minute conversion to the Bob Rae campaign. (Bad, bad Liberal).

Without folks like David Orchard and Bob Rae to form the truly Liberal Dream Team, Mr. Dion has more limited choice within his caucus to form a shadow cabinet. Here are some predictions and sure things for its ultimate make-up.

With a nod to his mentor, Jean Chretien, Stephane Dion will make Michael Ignatieff the finance critic. It is a poison chalice designed to eliminate Iggy as a threat to Leader Dion's authority. Iggy would flounder in fiscal projections and budget estimate, leaving the man begging for any other portfolio, like sport.

The only MP who supported Mr. Dion, Marlene Jennings, gets bumped up to prime time. She brings a Dionista's bombastic pugilism to the justice critic's role.

For his military genius, Ujjal Dosanjh keeps his defense critic portfolio. No credible alternative can be trusted on that soapbox to parrot the Dion line on Afghanistan.

Belinda Stronach will play a kind of uber-critic in the Dion lineup, focusing on Foreign Affairs & Women. The theory is the Foreign Affairs minister will be torn between Belinda and Condi.

Needless to say, Mr. Dion will keep the environment critic position for himself - the only person he trusts to do his good works.

Ken Dryden, the hockey legend with Fellini for a speechwriter, will nab the intergovernmental affairs role and riff on his "Big Canada" themes with anyone in a twenty foot radius, including his family, God have mercy on them.

Bill Graham slots in somewhere; John MacCallum never has to worry about working through happy hour again; Scott Brison gets trade or industry; Joe Volpe gets a long, cold stare while ELO's "If you leave" plays loudly in the background.

skyPiper climbed onto the piano bench and reached for the stereo sitting on the piano. She swiveled the tuner away from Michael Enright congratulating himself for stickin' it to some neokon in a past interview in favor of one of those classic rock stations with a DJ fed ebullient happiness intravenously.

As I wrestled with skyPiper (we should really clip her nails because she's very dangerous with them), the station boomed Tom Cochrane's Unofficial National Anthem, "Life is a Highway."

I cannot disagree with Mr. Cochrane, when I consider the head-long rushing of my own life - one week college, the next week I am wrestling with my second daughter who has already come to see me as a loathsome disappointment. Zoom, zoom, zoom, as Mazda would say.

Its what Mr. Cochrane wants to do with that fact, life is a highway, where he and I part company. He wants "to ride it all night long". I do not. Life is a highway, but I want to pull off at a roadside motel with cable tv around 7.30 and order in a bucket of chicken. Then, in the morning, after dawn and a solid sleep, hop in the shower and hit the road.

Jason Bo Green forwards this link but the more I think about it, the less I want to thank him for bringing it to my attention.

Executive Summary
In the UK, there was a court trial over a fat pet. Very Fat, Peta-Types Pipe Up. The pet owners lost - even though they get to keep the pet under probationary terms. Terms number one: the pet has to stay a svelte as the RSPCA made her while under their care. The RSPCA is "devasted" with the court's decision to let dthe family keep the dog.

I love dogs. They are stupid and eternally friendly. They are athletic and fun to pat. However, my view of animals is distinctly regressive: they are not moral agents and have neither moral rights nor duties. PETA is not about to picket a pride of lions out for a night's hunt or slap up an apartheid fence so the gazelles can exercise their rights. The idea of pets being legal agents - able to sue or press charges - reminds me of pre-Enlightenment times when legal charges were brought against pets and livestock. What is so progressive about emulating un-Enlightened practices?

And certainly, making such a high-profile court case of pet obesity, only begs the question of why UK courts have been so inactive prosecuting human child obesity. Human children, in my radical, neokon perspective, are moral agents, have rights and should have greater protection by the justice system than chocolate labs. There should be British parents in jail right now for serving their children one too many breakfast frys. Unless, making human and animals moral equals means a great devaluation of human beings.

This foolish story comes from the United Kingdom, not Canada. I hope, like marmite and eurotrash*, it never makes its way across the pond.

*oops. spoke to soon.

UPDATE:
Sheena and the Prime Minister are starting an "IAMS CANADIAN" campaign. Is there a doubt who's the sharpest wit in the northern kingdom?

If present trends hold, by January 2008, the Bloc Quebecois will wrest from the Liberals the position of Official Opposition in Canada's parliament. Jean Lapierre has left the building - the second Liberal to quit the caucus in as many weeks.

As good Liberals have pointed out, Wajid Khan was never really a Liberal's Liberal. He was 'okay' because he wasn't white and didn't sound like someone on a Tim Horton's commercial, but when it came to the whole Liberal values thing, he never seemed to fit in.

Jean Lapierre, on the other hand, is a classic Liberal bursting with Liberal values and his 'take this job and shove it' act is entirely congruous with those values. Afterall, for a Liberal, there is no greater honour than serving Canadians, except landing a gig co-hosting a TV show with a hot babe just back from the tanning salon. That's a real honour.

Mr. Lapierre was fairly unequivocal --- this has nothing to do with the election of Stephane Dion as leader of the Liberal party. Its all got to do with the science of show business; an election is coming in the next few weeks, he says, so he must move aggressively to the sidelines to by-stand the whole business. The prospect of being quickly returned to limo-land and cabinet did nothing to shake his firm commitment to get out of Dion-Dodge pronto. Or else, Mr. Lapierre realized that there was no such prospect.

To mark Mr. Lapierre's courageous act, Chuckercanuck is launching a new contest called, "who's bailing the good ship Dion next week?" Contest winners will win a copy of my autobiography, "So far, not much has happened".

You’ve likely heard the rumours: Justin Trudeau covets the Liberal nomination for the Montreal riding of Outremont. [Outremont is the Trudeau homestead. It’s a lavish neighborhood on the non-sunny-side of Mount-Royal; the French equivalent of Westmount].

Shock No. 1. Liberals in the riding don’t want him.
They describe Justin Trudeau as a “poster boy” and they don’t want a “poster boy”. How could they call Justin Trudeau a mere “poster boy”? At 35, the man has racked up some impressive credentials:

1. Taught drama in a Vancouver high school.
2. Quit that, tried to become an engineer at Ecole Polytechnique, dropped out of that.
3. Took up a master’s degree at McGill in geography and might actually finish that (rumour is he’s having a hard time remembering Oslo is in Norway and Stockholm is in Sweden).
4. Took a trip to the Yukon.
5. Got married.
Showed up the Liberal convention and got more press coverage than Stephane Dion.

Maybe I’m missing something, but could you name a Canadian who has accomplished more? Okay, maybe Celine Dion and the folks who came up with the Blackberry. But none of them covet the Liberal nomination in Outremont.

My advice to Justin Trudeau: if they want to see Jean Lapierre levels of gravitas, then run down Ste-Catherine street screaming “betrayed! Betrayed!” and briefly found a separatist party. Then, the riding execs will take you seriously.

Shock No. 2 Stephane Dion doesn’t want him.
Sources close to the Liberal leader say Mr. Dion wants to save that riding for a “star” candidate. Not some peep-squeak Trudeau who indirectly WON Mr. Dion the leadership. No, a real “star”, like Sirius or Proxima Centauri.

You’ve likely heard the rumours: Justin Trudeau covets the Liberal nomination for the Montreal riding of Outremont. [Outremont is the Trudeau homestead. It’s a lavish neighborhood on the non-sunny-side of Mount-Royal; the French equivalent of Westmount].

Shock No. 1. Liberals in the riding don’t want him.
They describe Justin Trudeau as a “poster boy” and they don’t want a “poster boy”. How could they call Justin Trudeau a mere “poster boy”? At 35, the man has racked up some impressive credentials:

1. Taught drama in a Vancouver high school.
2. Quit that, tried to become an engineer at Ecole Polytechnique, dropped out of that.
3. Took up a master’s degree at McGill in geography and might actually finish that (rumour is he’s having a hard time remembering Oslo is in Norway and Stockholm is in Sweden).
4. Took a trip to the Yukon.
5. Got married.
Showed up the Liberal convention and got more press coverage than Stephane Dion.

Maybe I’m missing something, but could you name a Canadian who has accomplished more? Okay, maybe Celine Dion and the folks who came up with the Blackberry. But none of them covet the Liberal nomination in Outremont.

My advice to Justin Trudeau: if they want to see Jean Lapierre levels of gravitas, then run down Ste-Catherine street screaming “betrayed! Betrayed!” and briefly found a separatist party. Then, the riding execs will take you seriously.

Shock No. 2 Stephane Dion doesn’t want him.
Sources close to the Liberal leader say Mr. Dion wants to save that riding for a “star” candidate. Not some peep-squeak Trudeau who indirectly WON Mr. Dion the leadership. No, a real “star”, like Sirius or Proxima Centauri.

What the hell do I know?

I watched an early episode of Will & Grace - the punchline for every joke was that Will or the cooky, flaming friend of Will, was gay. I never watched again but millions of people did for years.

I watched some of the first season of ER - eventually I got bored because I knew before I even watched that night's episode there would be medical emergencies and morons running around screaming, "Stat!" I never watched again but millions of people did for years.

Tonight, I watched the premier of Little Mosque on the Prairie. My expectations, as you know, were low. It had three strikes:

1. It was on the CBC and my Tory-sense tingles whenever something is coming from the CBC.

2. The "sit" part of this sitcom is obnoxious and eye-rolling at the same time; as if concocted by one of Trump's "Apprentice" teams.

3. The zingers contained in the trailers were, if this is even possible, inflammatory groaners: dumb white folks who think all muslims are terrorists and act in the very unfunny sense of the word "hysterical".

About 50% of the entire show is garbage - precisely where the inflammatory groaners that made up the trailer are set. But the series cannot rest on that cheap material no more than a house can rest on a styrofoam foundation. The other 50% of the show focused on the principal characters exclusively --- fellow right wingers who love to froth at everything the CBC does, please forgive me for saying the following, I'm no Garth Turner --- the principal characters have lots of promise and those are good comic actors slotted in the roles. I laughed. I tried not to, but I laughed.

Eliminate the sensational story lines, stop mocking the largely white audience the show seeks to entertain and this show is a hit. Better still, beam the sucker into every household in the middle east and this show could be highly effective propaganda. Now that would trap us Tories: how can we do anything with CBC revenue sources when its making a valued contribution to the war on terrorism?

The original english-language indie paper in Montreal is the Montreal Mirror. This week, it celebrates emerging trends in Montreal for 2007. Readers take note: a trend here in Montreal will eventually reach you according to the following schedule: minus 3 months, Vancouver; plus 6 months, Toronto; plus 12 months, Halifax; plus 2 years, Winnipeg; eventually banned in Alberta.

It was difficult to avoid the trend that caught my eye – as it came with a picture of a naked man mid-yoga pose. The trend in question? All-male naked yoga. Like many of you, I find the hassle of a shirt and sweat pants kills the meditative mood I need to get the most out of my yoga workout. So I read with great interest about this new avenue for me to pursue physical excellence. Lock yourself in a room with 30 fellas, strip down to the bare necessities and stretch your heart out. Sound appealing? According to the instructor, David Flewelling, you are not alone – men are signing up in droves. In fact, Flewelling says the only initial trepidation newbies have is whether they get boners as they survey their fellow classmates. Flewelling’s response?

“My response is that that is part of being male. The question itself suggests shame. There’s nothing wrong with an erection. They happen. And they do disappear pretty quickly too.”

Amen, brother. Call me a mad scientist, but I sure would like to see an all-male naked yoga class mix it up with an all-female strippersize class. Afterall, thanks to the Supreme Court of Canada, the results would be 100% legal.

Ever shrinking Liberal-land continues its purge of the unworthy raising its hackles over whether the website, Bourque, an information agregator, has been paid money to use the agregator to push certain messages, specifically anti-Dion / anti-Liberal messages, even though its creator has been, to this point, a Liberal.

The most vicious anti-Dion attack was a photograph showing Monsieur Dion playing Moses with Ottawa's rush hour traffic, jaywalking across a busy street to get home to Kyoto, lost in dreams for saving the planet (hint: promoting civil traffic circulation for a start).

I sympathize with bourque, having had my own ethical dilemma when I sold my soul to Yanni's marketers in exchange for a DVD copy of Yanni Live! I have been accused of being funded by the CIA and today, someone posited a more "plausible" speculation: that I am funded by Mulroney. Don't I wish! I have been a loyal, on-message Tory propagandist since day one - but Yanni Live! is all that I have to show for it.

So, global conglemorates, shadowy social clubs, lobby groups, political parties and cherished entertainment marketers - send me your cash and I will spread your message. I believe mayonaise can be new and improved. The only issues I don't care about are the issues I don't know about. And I can't wait for the next [put your client's name here] movie - should be hot, hot, hot!

Free estimates! First Time "Get Acquainted Pricing"! Hurry while Supplies Last! Drop me an email - torynuck@yahoo.ca.

Judging by my inbox, the new blogging protocols set in place by the International Alliance of Global Conspiracies (IAGC) have many Blogging Tories confused. So, using today's topic, as designated by the planning committee of the IAGC, following is an example of how the protocol works.

Step 1. Introduction
Hi there everyone, funny weather, eh?

Step 2. Personal Experience on Travel
Is it just me, or do they keep removing one train car every month on the Montreal-Rigaud commuter line? Every month I have to shift up the platform while waiting for the train only to squeeze into ever smaller spaces. This morning, I was jammed up with the private school kids who were talking about - well - never mind. No father with daughters wants to repeat what those kids talk about, even a father of such delinquents as my raised-from-home girls, Rainbow and skyPiper.

Step 3. [insert content emailed to you from the global conspiracy alliance]
Years ago, the CBC emancipated itself from the constraint of telling Canadian stories and opted instead to invent Canadian stories. The goal is to re-define Canada in the image of the CBC itself: bleeding heart, overtaxed livers and a skill at looking cynically confused whenever numbers get mentioned. (Numbers are the root of all evil in CBC lore). Tomorrow night, the CBC launches "Little Mosque on the Prairie" - a Corner Gas pointed straight at Mecca. The trailers look terrible - or as they would say at CBC headquarters "excellent" - and we, er, oops, I urge everyone to watch the show and tell us - shit! - me what you think.

Step 4. Personal Experience on Food, Music or Booze
That's all for now, I have to finish off a three-cheese lasagna purchased at the ready-to-eat counter at the local Metro grocery store (tranlation: Dominion grocery in Ontario). Wow, lasagna and green salad for $4.55.

My sources at the Leo Strauss Institute for Global Conspiracies tells me that the following email memo failed to reach a huge proportion of blogging Tories. So, if you didn't get it, please read on. If you are not a Blogging Tory, pretend this post was never written, thanks.

TO: Blogging Tories

FROM: Planning Committee for the Alliance of Global Conspiracies, Internet Division (PCAGCID)

SUBJECT: Concerted Campaign to Assasinate Stephane Dion's Character

Hello everyone! In general, we are very happy with how you have been performing over the past twelve months. Except maybe him. However, recently, the Liberal Godfather of Blogging, has been wise to PCAGCID involvement in your posts and we must all do a better job of obscuring the true nature of the Blogging Tory Propaganda Machine. Effective immediately, the following is the new protocol for all blogging Tory posts:

1. PCAGCID emails to each BTer the content of that days post. No email, no post. (Some days, things are "too crazy" or you feel "under the weather", so you don't post. That's our first means of individuation.)

2. Each post will be put together following this formula:

a. Introduction.

b. Personal Experience #1. Transportation/Travel/Place.
for example, you could talk about rush hour, a trip to Cancun or the view from a particular conference room at work.

c. contents of email we sent you, word for word, including typos (we insert those randomly for even more individuation.)

d. Personal Experience #2. Food/Wine/Music.
something simple about what you ate (bad or good) or are going to eat. Maybe a craving for something. What wine do you recommend? Provoke a debate by saying if Phil Collins were Canadian, he'd be a Harpermaniac.

This is our second means of individuation, by wrapping the mesage in a fabric of autobiography. People will read it and know it comes from the heart.

3. BTers publish the post at different times each day.

The third manner to individuate the blog entries will be for each blogger to post her posts at different times day after day. 3:00 pm one day. 7:41 am the next. etc.etc.

If we follow the new protocol, we should be able to put even the most dogged liberal bloodhound off the trail. Good luck!

******************************************************

Hope that helps, I'm off to finish off Kendall Jackson's Cab Sauvignon decanted in our new Christmas decanter. Then I have to go pick up Rainbow who went to the railroad tracks to play with a couple of friends from preschool.

Media darling and chief Liberal blogger, Jason Cherniak, asks a thought-provoking question:

"Wajid Khan supported Joe Volpe for Liberal leader. That means he must prefer Liberal Joe Volpe to Conservative Stephen Harper as Prime Minister. I wonder what his new caucus thinks of that."

It does not follow, from Khan's support for Volpe as Liberal leader that he would prefer Volpe over Harper. Only that he would prefer Volpe over Dion, Ignatieff, Rae, Kennedy and the etceteras. And I don't blame him.

Recall, the day before the super-weekend where the delegates to the leadership convention were selected, the Liberal party punished Joe Volpe with a hefty fine for ethical breeches. The immediate consequence is it ruined him on that weekend, the most important weekend of the entire 9 months save the last. Then, once the Liberal party had gutted and atrophied his campaign, they acknowledged the charges were trumped and the fine was removed.

Shunned by Dion, demeaned by Liberal bloggers at every opportunity - could you blame Joe Volpe if he quit the Liberals to support this New Government?

Wajid Khan, 905-belt MP, is now a Tory.

Yesterday, Stephane Dion called John Baird a bad choice for environment because he's too polarizing to reach bi-partisan consensus. Behind the scenes, Dion was badgering a member of his caucus to choose between advising the Prime Minister on the Middle East and Afghanistan. Unlike the Environment, Afghanistan is the kind of issue, in Mr. Dion's mind, where bi-partisan consensus ain't worth it. So he issued a my-way-or-highway ultimatum to Mr. Khan. Without hesitation, Wajid Khan chose the T-Can.

Beyond party purification (i.e., weeding out those with "no social conscience"), what does the bullying gain the Liberal party? Suddenly, the government needs only NDP support in parliament to make legislation happen. The Liberals have likely made themselves largely irrelevent for the rest of this minority parliament. Perhaps there is a strategic brilliance in this self-castration, but I can't find it.

Meanwhile, the broad centre is moving right to meet the Prime Minister in very fertile grounds.

Actually, this entry is quite cutting edge as it is part of the first wave of reactions to reactions to the shuffle; its not about the shuffle at all. So, maybe you should keep reading it.

Background:
The cabinet gets a minor shuffle. All this to put Rona Ambrose in a less toxic environment than Environment; poisoned, by the hard left of parliament calling for her resignation literally seconds after the swearing in. Well, if that's the way our friends opposite want it, meet John Baird. He's comfortable in the climate you've created.

Enter Stephane Dion:
From CBC's website:

Dion also slammed the choice of Baird — who is known for his aggressive style in the House — as a personality too "outrageous" and "adversarial" to build bridges across parties to reach an accord on the environment.

Last month, Mr. Dion said a big slice of Canada had no social conscience. To my ear, that sort of divisive bombast only eminates from "outrageous" and "adversarial" personalities. Is Mr. Dion saying he is unfit to head a ministry of Environment, let alone a government? If so, I agree wholeheartedly agree. More likely though, he thinks he's doing me a favour by telling me I vote Conservative because parts of my nervous system aren't on.

There was no particular need for any specific reaction from Mr. Dion on any part of the cabinet shuffle. Up to his comments on Rona Ambrose, he was in fair-game territory making good ground; then he lashes out at John Baird and looks like the kind of zealous priest whose tyranny triggered the Quiet Revolution.

Meanwhile, the excellent Stephen Taylor is reporting that Whalid Khan will be crossing the floor to join the Tory caucus tomorrow. Apparently, being angry like a poltergeist doesn't inspire one's caucus.

The National Post Editorial Board is having kanipshits. Not over Saddam’s execution on YouTube. Not over whispered cabinet shuffles and Jim Prentice’s workload. No, the source of rage is a BBC contest to name the best British rock band in history. By a margin of a few hundred votes, Queen took the prize, edging the Beatles and the Rolling Stones for top spot. Now, the theme song to this blog is “Fat Bottomed Girls”, so you’ll understand that I am not entirely upset with the outcome, even if clearly, the Beatles and the Rolling Stones are better bands. But the editorial board must have been smoking Iggy-weed, since they twisted themselves into socio-culturo contortions to explain why Queen won the contest. Crypto-cynico teenagers, addicts of all that is perverse and flamboyant, are the final culprits.

About a year ago, the CBC ran a similar contest to name the best Canadian song – like the BBC contest, the listeners voted. “Chelsea Morning”, “Suzanne”, even the seminal “Walking on a Tightrope of Insanity” from the Box missed the top five. Instead of the “Railroad Trilogy” or “Phoque D’Alaska”, CBC listeners chose the most horrid CanCon hit ever produced: the Barenaked Ladies “If I had a Million Dollars”. A syrupy confection that would turn the strongest stomach, the song is about having enough cash to purchase the services of a prostitute. Before the National Post Editorial Board runs off to make broad parallels between the CBC contest and our yearning for state-run brothels – it should remember the maxim: there’s no accounting for taste.

Bonus Material 1.
In-house rock experts, Leatherhands, Springer and K-Dough all make strong cases as to why Queen beats the Beatles as far as bands go. Performance. Technical skill. A band isn't just its material.

Bonus Material 2.
Please see comment 67 for the Chuckercanuck Ontario Mining Town Celebrities contest. No prizes, just a chance to mega-boost your ego.

Once we've all had a giggle over the best of 2006 lists, including the end of year awards hosted by this very site, we turn to equally useless predictions for 2007. Here at Chuckercanuck, we can short-circuit that process thanks to our guest blogger, Rolf Golfensurfin, who is from the future and therefore knows what happened in 2007.

Thank you, Chuckercanuck. Let me first say it is an honour to address an audience that, in the future, we know to be the most discriminating and influential audience in modern civilization. Case in point: even the nutbar who thinks Chuckercanuck is a CIA-funded project eventually lands a supporting role on a hit CBC sitcom. As for 2007, here are the highlights:

6. No federal election. Pax Harpernia Continues.

5. The odd couple incumbents: McGinty and Charest get to keep their limos. Charest in coalition with the Action Democratique after the ADQ wins 4 seats on the West Island of Montreal.

4. Suburban tax revolt in Montreal after several years of fiscal, uhmm, mmhm, trying to sound diplomatic here, "assault" on suburban coffers to fund downtown incompetence and olympic laziness.

3. A manageable but significant fracture emerges in the Liberal party along what could be called the Brison-Orchard divide. Brison: internationalist, fiscally conservative, socially liberal. Orchard: nationalist, fiscally liberal, socialy conservative.

2. John Edwards is discovered to be a wax doll animated by a voodoo spell mis-cast by satanists experimenting with magic for the first time. Luckily, the spell runs out in August where he melts mid-speech under a 110 degree sun in Tempe, Arizona.

1. In the state of the union address, George W. Bush announces a historic initiative to reduce greenhouse gasses and invites Canada and Mexico to collaborate on a continental strategy for energy and the environment.

Other than that, elsewhere its the same-old bullshit, oops, can I say bullshit, Chuckercanuck? [Ed.'s note: yes.] France elects a new socialist President. Ain't worth shrugging your shoulders over.