Saturday, August 25, 2007
Live Blogging the 2008 Election
9:06 pm. I meant to start this live-blogging thing-a-ma-jig earlier, but admitedly, I was busy lifting my jaw from the floor and trying to fit it back to its original position. Since this blog's inception, I have worked so hard to avoid saying anything to sweepingly insulting, but I have to say it:
Canadians, are you frikkin' out of your skulls?
Granted, this is just the Atlantic results so far. No surprise that Stephane Dion's syrupy pandering to that region earned some seats. But the Rhinos? The Rhinos? Is it a collective bad joke? Let's say this holds until all the polls in each of those 10 ridings are counted --- 10 Rhino MPs? You know, Canada, that works out to like $1.4 million a year in funding the Rhino party? Clearly, I'm not alone in thinking these election results are crazy.
One good thing though, Garth Turner will finally have a caucus he can call home.
9:30 pm. Okay. The insanity train continues. With the Tories now ahead of the Liberals, I'm feeling a modicum of relief. But being 2nd to the Rhinos! 50 seats people - 50 seats. I feel like Charlton Heston racing through the streets: "The Rhino Party is peeeeople! It's peoplllleeee!" (I realize the Rhino party is people so isn't quite as scary as soylent green.)
Two bits have me happy though. Peter Mansbridge looks befuddled and I swear there's sweat beading on the crown of his head. Oh, better yet: Iggy's gone! Now free from that annoying MP crap, he can get on with the real work of bringing Israel to the war crimes court.
9:37 pm. Calgary Grit worries about the Rhino platform. Sure, there's plenty of junk in it. My only concern involves the promise to replace tap water with Cabernet Sauvignon. I mean, seriously: aren't you tired of wine with vanilla accents? Jesus! Make it Shiraz, I say.
9:41 pm. Saskboy weighs in and he seems positively thrilled by the Rhino romp. I suppose all fringe parties must stick together (ha! ha!). Give him credit, though, the Greens have finally won a seat.
9:54 pm. Duceppe meets his Dieppe. Layton's off to Satan. But we're stuck with another Trudeau. I wonder how impressed the Rhinos will be with the boy's pirouettes. Looking at the results, the Tories have a chance to pull this out of the fire. I've got Clapton's "Alberta, Alberta" running through my head as we speak.
9:56 pm. Funny - in the tragic, makes you weep for humanity kind of way - comment over at James Bow's blog: "I would normally vote in a federal election, but man, I didn’t even get the chance this time around… and I actually have read a Canadian newspaper and listened to the CBC news within the last 48 hours."
That attitude, my friends, is why the Rhinos are out front with no signs of slowing down!
10:00 pm. Peter Mansbridge has just called it for the Rhinos. Minority territory for now. (He raised his eyebrows when he said for now as if he's bloody Svengali). Anyway, I'm not watching the rest of this bloodbath. I'm turning to Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares.
11:05 pm. Its official. Canada - True, North, Strong and Free to Shoot itself in the foot - has elected a Rhino majority. I will be wearing black for the next 6 months and listening exclusively to the Doors (starting with "The End"). The implications, nationally and internationally, are staggering. Already the American networks have cut away from their regular programming to crow about the crazies in Canukistan and their polka-dot revolution. Afterall, we will soon witness the first NATO meeting to begin with the whimper of a whoopee cushion. I'm heading to bed before I have to listen to Harper's speech. If I did that, I would cry.
Canadians, are you frikkin' out of your skulls?
Granted, this is just the Atlantic results so far. No surprise that Stephane Dion's syrupy pandering to that region earned some seats. But the Rhinos? The Rhinos? Is it a collective bad joke? Let's say this holds until all the polls in each of those 10 ridings are counted --- 10 Rhino MPs? You know, Canada, that works out to like $1.4 million a year in funding the Rhino party? Clearly, I'm not alone in thinking these election results are crazy.
One good thing though, Garth Turner will finally have a caucus he can call home.
9:30 pm. Okay. The insanity train continues. With the Tories now ahead of the Liberals, I'm feeling a modicum of relief. But being 2nd to the Rhinos! 50 seats people - 50 seats. I feel like Charlton Heston racing through the streets: "The Rhino Party is peeeeople! It's peoplllleeee!" (I realize the Rhino party is people so isn't quite as scary as soylent green.)
Two bits have me happy though. Peter Mansbridge looks befuddled and I swear there's sweat beading on the crown of his head. Oh, better yet: Iggy's gone! Now free from that annoying MP crap, he can get on with the real work of bringing Israel to the war crimes court.
9:37 pm. Calgary Grit worries about the Rhino platform. Sure, there's plenty of junk in it. My only concern involves the promise to replace tap water with Cabernet Sauvignon. I mean, seriously: aren't you tired of wine with vanilla accents? Jesus! Make it Shiraz, I say.
9:41 pm. Saskboy weighs in and he seems positively thrilled by the Rhino romp. I suppose all fringe parties must stick together (ha! ha!). Give him credit, though, the Greens have finally won a seat.
9:54 pm. Duceppe meets his Dieppe. Layton's off to Satan. But we're stuck with another Trudeau. I wonder how impressed the Rhinos will be with the boy's pirouettes. Looking at the results, the Tories have a chance to pull this out of the fire. I've got Clapton's "Alberta, Alberta" running through my head as we speak.
9:56 pm. Funny - in the tragic, makes you weep for humanity kind of way - comment over at James Bow's blog: "I would normally vote in a federal election, but man, I didn’t even get the chance this time around… and I actually have read a Canadian newspaper and listened to the CBC news within the last 48 hours."
That attitude, my friends, is why the Rhinos are out front with no signs of slowing down!
10:00 pm. Peter Mansbridge has just called it for the Rhinos. Minority territory for now. (He raised his eyebrows when he said for now as if he's bloody Svengali). Anyway, I'm not watching the rest of this bloodbath. I'm turning to Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares.
11:05 pm. Its official. Canada - True, North, Strong and Free to Shoot itself in the foot - has elected a Rhino majority. I will be wearing black for the next 6 months and listening exclusively to the Doors (starting with "The End"). The implications, nationally and internationally, are staggering. Already the American networks have cut away from their regular programming to crow about the crazies in Canukistan and their polka-dot revolution. Afterall, we will soon witness the first NATO meeting to begin with the whimper of a whoopee cushion. I'm heading to bed before I have to listen to Harper's speech. If I did that, I would cry.
Labels: Election 2008 - already a shocker
Comments:
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I haven't been reading the poli blogs for quite some time. Can someone explain to me what this whole 2008 vote thing is?
# posted by 
: Monday, August 27, 2007 9:27:00 PM
: Monday, August 27, 2007 9:27:00 PM
uhhhhh. tricky. for the moment, I won't explain it except to say that its a very interesting project. follow the links and enjoy (if possible)!
There are plenty of bloggers willing to verify that it's August 27, 2008 if you care to look around anonymous. Perhaps you forgot to throw away your 2007 calendar last year?
Chucker, please turn your calendar from July to August.
# posted by : Tuesday, August 28, 2007 12:02:00 AM
: Tuesday, August 28, 2007 12:02:00 AM
Asked for comment on the final results, a somewhat red-faced Premier of Newfoundland, Danny Williams, would only say, "As long as they honor the accord, that's all I care about."
Meanwhile, Premier Stelmach of Alberta has announced there will be a referendum on independence for his province within 7 days, followed by immediate secession 24 hours later. Turnout is expected to be reeeeealy heavy.
Meanwhile, Premier Stelmach of Alberta has announced there will be a referendum on independence for his province within 7 days, followed by immediate secession 24 hours later. Turnout is expected to be reeeeealy heavy.
# posted by : Tuesday, August 28, 2007 12:17:00 AM
: Tuesday, August 28, 2007 12:17:00 AM
The Tories didn't get majority support in Alberta, though. Remember the 40% undecided vote in Alberta in the lead-up to this election? It seems most of that was Rhino. They took second place in the popular vote standings.
And in Ontario, they took _first_!
Turnout was up sharply, from 64.7% in 2006 to 79.4%
The people in the Tim Horton's have some 'splainin' to do.
And in Ontario, they took _first_!
Turnout was up sharply, from 64.7% in 2006 to 79.4%
The people in the Tim Horton's have some 'splainin' to do.
Oh, well, things could have worse.
Layton could have won.
Layton could have won.
# posted by : Tuesday, August 28, 2007 12:34:00 AM
: Tuesday, August 28, 2007 12:34:00 AM
There was a shocking announcement from the White House following this election result that the President was introducing legislation to annex Alberta as an American protectorate with the same status as Puerto Rico. While People in Alberta will now be able to travel without passports to the US, they will have no representation in either the US Senate or the US Congress.
When asked to elaborate, special counsel to the President, Paul Wolfwitz reassured Americans that the Annexation would not be a problem and that there was more than enough oil and gas in Alberta to pay for the costs of the security operations. He went on to say that that he has been reassured by Mr. Springer at the US Consulate in Calgary that Albertans would welcome American troops "with open arms" and as a force for "liberation" from the irresponsible Rhino forces in Ottawa. Wolfwitz was at pains to say that American Policy was not going to allow the Rhino Party to tow Newfoundland and Hybernia out to sea and that the US would not allow the Rhino Government to sell Alberta to China.
In particular, the Treasury Secretary was at pains to say that Alberta's technology base at FracMaster could only be sold to Houston interests in a closed bid managed for the Department of Defence by Halliburton.
Meanwhile rumours continue to circulate that Liebo Ludwig has been organizing farmers in the Grande Prairie area for protracted guerrilla war against the invading American Liberation Forces. Ludwig has been recently quoted in the press as saying that he will apply his new theory of "tough love" to convince the Rhino Party that it should regroup the historic Grand Alliance of First Nations, Ontario Militiamen, and the Quebec Cour de Bois to reactivate the national defence plans for the Defence of Canada from 1812.
Meanwhile the Grand Chief of the First Nations has publically stated that he has not officially taken "scalping" off the table as the ultimate weapon, which according to Mr. Mercrede, is even more powerful than nuclear weapons in deterring foreign invasions of Beaver Habitat.
Tensions remain high as Russia has threatened to intervene where the Foreign Secretary has said that the first of a new generation of hypersonic cruise missiles will target American interests in Alberta, primarily in the industrical centers around Edmonton. When asked, Mr Putin stated that Russia was in a position to deny the Americans strategic control over "refinery row" in Edmonton, and that if Russia could not continue with its LNG projects in Quebec, that it would deny America its access to the oil rich western sedimentary basins. Mr. Putin said that an advance team of Russian missile specialists was already on its way to Tuktoyuktuk from Cuba, to dismantle the DEW line site, and turn it around for future Russian Army Operations.
The Prime Minister could not be reached for comment about these developments, and said he planned to negotiate with the Yogi Fliers Party for emergency defence operations for the protection of the Homeland. the Top Secret "cosmic harmony" weapons of mass deconstruction was on the agenda.
Meanwhile back in Alberta, Separatist MLA Gordon Kessler has joined the long line of refugees streaming into neighbouring British Columbia. He said that even pending natural earthquake disasters were better then the state of war about to be unleashed in Alberta between the Canadian Rhino Government, and Neocon President of the USA.
When asked to elaborate, Mr. Kessler said "its no joke".
(with my appologies to Stephen Leacock)
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When asked to elaborate, special counsel to the President, Paul Wolfwitz reassured Americans that the Annexation would not be a problem and that there was more than enough oil and gas in Alberta to pay for the costs of the security operations. He went on to say that that he has been reassured by Mr. Springer at the US Consulate in Calgary that Albertans would welcome American troops "with open arms" and as a force for "liberation" from the irresponsible Rhino forces in Ottawa. Wolfwitz was at pains to say that American Policy was not going to allow the Rhino Party to tow Newfoundland and Hybernia out to sea and that the US would not allow the Rhino Government to sell Alberta to China.
In particular, the Treasury Secretary was at pains to say that Alberta's technology base at FracMaster could only be sold to Houston interests in a closed bid managed for the Department of Defence by Halliburton.
Meanwhile rumours continue to circulate that Liebo Ludwig has been organizing farmers in the Grande Prairie area for protracted guerrilla war against the invading American Liberation Forces. Ludwig has been recently quoted in the press as saying that he will apply his new theory of "tough love" to convince the Rhino Party that it should regroup the historic Grand Alliance of First Nations, Ontario Militiamen, and the Quebec Cour de Bois to reactivate the national defence plans for the Defence of Canada from 1812.
Meanwhile the Grand Chief of the First Nations has publically stated that he has not officially taken "scalping" off the table as the ultimate weapon, which according to Mr. Mercrede, is even more powerful than nuclear weapons in deterring foreign invasions of Beaver Habitat.
Tensions remain high as Russia has threatened to intervene where the Foreign Secretary has said that the first of a new generation of hypersonic cruise missiles will target American interests in Alberta, primarily in the industrical centers around Edmonton. When asked, Mr Putin stated that Russia was in a position to deny the Americans strategic control over "refinery row" in Edmonton, and that if Russia could not continue with its LNG projects in Quebec, that it would deny America its access to the oil rich western sedimentary basins. Mr. Putin said that an advance team of Russian missile specialists was already on its way to Tuktoyuktuk from Cuba, to dismantle the DEW line site, and turn it around for future Russian Army Operations.
The Prime Minister could not be reached for comment about these developments, and said he planned to negotiate with the Yogi Fliers Party for emergency defence operations for the protection of the Homeland. the Top Secret "cosmic harmony" weapons of mass deconstruction was on the agenda.
Meanwhile back in Alberta, Separatist MLA Gordon Kessler has joined the long line of refugees streaming into neighbouring British Columbia. He said that even pending natural earthquake disasters were better then the state of war about to be unleashed in Alberta between the Canadian Rhino Government, and Neocon President of the USA.
When asked to elaborate, Mr. Kessler said "its no joke".
(with my appologies to Stephen Leacock)
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