Sunday, April 08, 2007
Newfie Jokes for the 21st Century
How many Newfies does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb, and the other to rant and wail about the historic raping of Newfoundland by the lightbulb companies.
Why did the Newfie cross the road?
Because the history of Newfoundland is one of abuse and theft of resources at the hands of the cross-the-roaders. Time somebody tell them what's doing.
What did the Newfie say at St-Peter's gate?
Justify getting past them pearly gates? How about you justify the generations of empoverishment we've suffered because of your callous indifference and total disregard for the people of Newfoundland and Labrador. You should be damned grateful I want in that place.
How do you get a one-armed Newfie out of a tree?
Tell him the oil companies are eagre to invest in Newfoundland and want to negotiate a revenue-sharing scheme. But watch out - he'll be so pissed at the offer, he'll likely nail you in the eye with his one good fist.
Did you hear about the Newfie who drove to Toronto only to find a road sign that read, "Toronto - Left"?
So he turns left and goes into Toronto to tell them imperialist bastards that they can take their equalization monies and shove it. Just as he leaves, he hands them some pamphlets printed by the Newfoundland Tourism board.
What do you call a Newfie with a red-face who's every utterance is an angry string of incoherence?
Premier.
What's shorter than the Polish Book of Heroes?
The Newfoundland Book of Responsible Leaders.
Two. One to change the lightbulb, and the other to rant and wail about the historic raping of Newfoundland by the lightbulb companies.
Why did the Newfie cross the road?
Because the history of Newfoundland is one of abuse and theft of resources at the hands of the cross-the-roaders. Time somebody tell them what's doing.
What did the Newfie say at St-Peter's gate?
Justify getting past them pearly gates? How about you justify the generations of empoverishment we've suffered because of your callous indifference and total disregard for the people of Newfoundland and Labrador. You should be damned grateful I want in that place.
How do you get a one-armed Newfie out of a tree?
Tell him the oil companies are eagre to invest in Newfoundland and want to negotiate a revenue-sharing scheme. But watch out - he'll be so pissed at the offer, he'll likely nail you in the eye with his one good fist.
Did you hear about the Newfie who drove to Toronto only to find a road sign that read, "Toronto - Left"?
So he turns left and goes into Toronto to tell them imperialist bastards that they can take their equalization monies and shove it. Just as he leaves, he hands them some pamphlets printed by the Newfoundland Tourism board.
What do you call a Newfie with a red-face who's every utterance is an angry string of incoherence?
Premier.
What's shorter than the Polish Book of Heroes?
The Newfoundland Book of Responsible Leaders.
Labels: Boycott Newfoundland Sealskin
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Out of our model atmosphere of 2,400 litres of water, just about a shot glassful is carbon dioxide put their by humans. And of that miniscule amount, Canada's contribution is just 2% --about 1 ml
If, as Mr. Dion demands, we honoured our Kyoto commitments and reduced our current CO2 emissions by one-third -- which would involve shutting down all the coal-fired power generating plants in Canada (and living with constant brownouts and blackouts); or taking all the cars or all the commercial vehicles off the roads; or shutting down the oilsands; or some combination of all these -- we would be saving one-third of 1 ml-- the tip of an eyedropper.
If, as Mr. Dion demands, we honoured our Kyoto commitments and reduced our current CO2 emissions by one-third -- which would involve shutting down all the coal-fired power generating plants in Canada (and living with constant brownouts and blackouts); or taking all the cars or all the commercial vehicles off the roads; or shutting down the oilsands; or some combination of all these -- we would be saving one-third of 1 ml-- the tip of an eyedropper.
# posted by 
: Monday, April 09, 2007 10:00:00 AM
: Monday, April 09, 2007 10:00:00 AM
Nfld makes it possible to forget about kicking Quebec out of Canada. The removal of Nfld is a far more pressing concern.
# posted by : Monday, April 09, 2007 10:03:00 AM
: Monday, April 09, 2007 10:03:00 AM
Good post.
OT, does anyone know where Dion is today? Did he make it to France? I want to know what he's doing that is so important that he can't be there...
(Assuming of course he didn't make it. But I only saw Harper and his family on the news this morning. I'm sure if Dion had been there, half of the time would have been showing shots of him)
OT, does anyone know where Dion is today? Did he make it to France? I want to know what he's doing that is so important that he can't be there...
(Assuming of course he didn't make it. But I only saw Harper and his family on the news this morning. I'm sure if Dion had been there, half of the time would have been showing shots of him)
Saw Iggy in the audience at the Vimy ceremony today...but no Dion.
# posted by : Monday, April 09, 2007 11:58:00 AM
: Monday, April 09, 2007 11:58:00 AM
In passing, a point others have made, but I will repeat. Let us challenge every media outlet that has brought these little snippets of attempted blasphemy into our living rooms to try it on the Muslims for Ramadan. Alternatively, let them admit that they are cowardly abject self-serving hypocrites, and go wash.
# posted by : Monday, April 09, 2007 12:50:00 PM
: Monday, April 09, 2007 12:50:00 PM
here, here.
What tipped me over the edge, and to the G&M I am temperorarily grateful for printing it, was the letter from Mommy sailor to the family back home.
It was repulsive and evil to the core - I couldn't imagine the horror she experienced "composing" the letter.
My pal Xerxes would have recommended a course of action entirely different from the one that transpired. Alas.
What tipped me over the edge, and to the G&M I am temperorarily grateful for printing it, was the letter from Mommy sailor to the family back home.
It was repulsive and evil to the core - I couldn't imagine the horror she experienced "composing" the letter.
My pal Xerxes would have recommended a course of action entirely different from the one that transpired. Alas.
Chucker, you're acting in a fashion that is unnecessarily divisive, trying to put up firewalls around all of the Canadian provinces and isolating a fine premier in order to facilitate the advance of your hidden agenda. We should not be surprised, however, given that the government you seek to promote is the most right-wing, ideological, neoconservative government in history.
Oh my bad, April Fool's was last weekend!
Keep it up!
Oh my bad, April Fool's was last weekend!
Keep it up!
*these little snippets of attempted blasphemy into our living rooms to try it on the Muslims for Ramadan.*
What's this about? Easter, UK sailors? I'm confused.
Chucker, I'll look for the letter you mention, I would like to read it.
What's this about? Easter, UK sailors? I'm confused.
Chucker, I'll look for the letter you mention, I would like to read it.
Is this the letter you mean?
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am writing to you from Iran where I am being held. I will try to explain to you the best what has happened. We were out in the boats when we were arrested by Iranian forces as we had apparently gone into Iranian waters. I wish we hadn't because then I'd be home with you all right now. I am so sorry we did, because I know we wouldn't be here now if we hadn't. I want you all to know that I am well and safe. I am being well looked after. I am fed three meals a day and have a constant supply of fluids.
The people are friendly and hospitable, very compassionate and warm. I have written a letter to the Iranian people to apologize for us entering into their waters. Please don't worry about me, I am staying strong. Hopefully it won't be long until I am home to get ready for Molly's birthday party with a present from the Iranian people.
Look after everyone for me, especially Adam and Molly.
I love you all more than you will ever know.
If so, I have to say it's pretty despicable.
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am writing to you from Iran where I am being held. I will try to explain to you the best what has happened. We were out in the boats when we were arrested by Iranian forces as we had apparently gone into Iranian waters. I wish we hadn't because then I'd be home with you all right now. I am so sorry we did, because I know we wouldn't be here now if we hadn't. I want you all to know that I am well and safe. I am being well looked after. I am fed three meals a day and have a constant supply of fluids.
The people are friendly and hospitable, very compassionate and warm. I have written a letter to the Iranian people to apologize for us entering into their waters. Please don't worry about me, I am staying strong. Hopefully it won't be long until I am home to get ready for Molly's birthday party with a present from the Iranian people.
Look after everyone for me, especially Adam and Molly.
I love you all more than you will ever know.
If so, I have to say it's pretty despicable.
Exactly. That's what caused me to call up the spirit of Xerxes - and I did that only to contain my true feelings which rhyme with:
Lomb the Thit out of Giran.
Lomb the Thit out of Giran.
It is said that upon learning of the victory, a French soldier exclaimed, "C'est impossible!." ("It's impossible!"), and upon learning it was the Canadians who had won it, replied "Ah! les Canadiens! C'est possible!." ("Oh, The Canadians! It's Possible!.").
In all the battles at Vimy Ridge in World War I, there was a staggering cost in dead and wounded on both sides. Across 16 kilometres of ridge, approximately 200,000 men perished: French, British, Canadian, and German. Considering that typically there were three wounded to every man killed, the total casualties at Vimy during the War can be estimated at 800,000
In all the battles at Vimy Ridge in World War I, there was a staggering cost in dead and wounded on both sides. Across 16 kilometres of ridge, approximately 200,000 men perished: French, British, Canadian, and German. Considering that typically there were three wounded to every man killed, the total casualties at Vimy during the War can be estimated at 800,000
# posted by : Monday, April 09, 2007 7:11:00 PM
: Monday, April 09, 2007 7:11:00 PM
how do you make "Newfoundland yogurt"?
Just add an "active culture of defeat"
Just add an "active culture of defeat"
# posted by : Monday, April 09, 2007 7:30:00 PM
: Monday, April 09, 2007 7:30:00 PM
Former Hydro-Québec president running for Harper?
[...]
I expect it won't take long for this issue to explode on the local talk radio shows to the detriment of Harper's NL candidates. Just when you thought that Premier Williams' ability to influence this federal government couldn't get any lower, it gets worse....-
http://offalnews.blogspot.com/2007/04/former-hydro-qubec-president-running.html
[...]
I expect it won't take long for this issue to explode on the local talk radio shows to the detriment of Harper's NL candidates. Just when you thought that Premier Williams' ability to influence this federal government couldn't get any lower, it gets worse....-
http://offalnews.blogspot.com/2007/04/former-hydro-qubec-president-running.html
Andre Caille is a huge score for Harper and had nothing to do with Churchill Falls. What a load of crap if Williams plays this one.
Anyway, its huge, huge, huge in Quebec. The Dion dream team is going for Harper.
Anyway, its huge, huge, huge in Quebec. The Dion dream team is going for Harper.
If there's ANYthing Harper can do to drive Danny Williams more up the wall, be it recruiting outright anti-NFLD candidates, or telling Danny Williams jokes on SNL, I don't care - I just want a live video feed when Williams hears about it.
I love that guy! He is the wackiest Premier for sure. And with such a sour face! Ya gotta love him, admit it!
I love that guy! He is the wackiest Premier for sure. And with such a sour face! Ya gotta love him, admit it!
Aww CC, you ain't seeing the big picture. Danny Williams may hate Stephen Harper, but he's making the "I oppose Harper" crowd look like clowns. He and Dion should be a Tory propagandist's best friends, I'd think -- champagne and Best Buy gift certificates arriving on their door weekly.
I love him for the entertainment, but I'd figure you to love him for making your guy look like the mature grown-up in the house.
I love him for the entertainment, but I'd figure you to love him for making your guy look like the mature grown-up in the house.
It used to be that we in British Columbia had the wackiest prime ministers in the Dominion...alas, how the mighty have fallen!
# posted by : Monday, April 09, 2007 9:59:00 PM
: Monday, April 09, 2007 9:59:00 PM
chucker, Glen Clark had NOTHING on Vander Zalm (the guy that couldn't pronounce the province's name right).
Bill Vander Zalm single handedly destroyed the once great Socred machine here. Had he not turned off so many liberal free-enterprisers, the Socreds probably would have won the 1991 election, and we wouldn't have had the Decade of Destruction brought to us by the Socialist Horde. As well, Gordon Wilson would have faded into obscurity, and the provincial Liberal Party would have remained a fringe party. Gordon Campbell would probably have sought the leadership of the Socreds after Rita Johnston.
Or, I could be talking out of my ass...
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Or, I could be talking out of my ass...
# posted by : Tuesday, April 10, 2007 2:07:00 AM
: Tuesday, April 10, 2007 2:07:00 AM << Home
