Sunday, March 12, 2006
Harper in Afghanistan - How do we react?
Everyone knows that Chuckercanuck thinks Harper can walk on water. Needless to say, I'm mighty happy with his surprise visit to Afghanistan. However, no self-respecting columnist in the land could write an appreciative piece on the trip. And since so many of the pundits rely on this very site for inspiration, below are great ways to start your column for tomorrow's Toronto Star, National Post, Globe & Mail or whatever:
Harper as Unethical
"The most galling thing about Harper's shock photo-op in Afghanistan is that no where in the Conservative platform does he promise to do so. Doing things you haven't promised to do is almost as unethical as breaking promises. How does Harper sleep at night?"
Harper as Inept
"While Mr. Harper's trip is a step in the right direction, one has to wonder about the flight path - a mind-boggling circumnavigation that cost the taxpayers twice as much as if he had taken the Arctic route. If this spend-happy trip is any indication of the government we are about to get, then the days of federal surpluses are over."
Harper as Anti-Democrat
"Yet another strong-arm tactic to shut the critics down, Harper's trip is seen as a chance to distract Canadians from their growing demands to debate the mission. If Harper thinks this little weekend getaway stunt will do the trick, he will be sorely disappointed on his return."
Harper as Bush's Poodle
"With secret prisons, vicious torture and the suspension of human rights under George W. Bush, Harper's trip can be seen as an extension of the neo-conservative American Imperialist strategy devised by the Jewish masters in London and Tel Aviv. This trip to Afghanistan not only puts our troops in danger, but it raises the spectre of terrorism on our soil. Desperate to please President Bush, Harper's trip has put all Canadians in grave peril."
Harper as Micro-Manager
"Harper's almost psychotic need to control every detail of his government has brought him to Afghanistan. Untrusting of the military planners, Mr. Harper has come to direct the troops as he sees fit. Untrusting of the soldiers, Mr. Harper plans to head out on a couple of sorties to eliminate some local Taliban threats. Needless to say, anyone who objects will be fired."
There you have it, national columnists, five slick ways to start your columns. Since I don't get paid a red cent for this crap, you'll have to finish the columns off yourselves.
Harper as Unethical
"The most galling thing about Harper's shock photo-op in Afghanistan is that no where in the Conservative platform does he promise to do so. Doing things you haven't promised to do is almost as unethical as breaking promises. How does Harper sleep at night?"
Harper as Inept
"While Mr. Harper's trip is a step in the right direction, one has to wonder about the flight path - a mind-boggling circumnavigation that cost the taxpayers twice as much as if he had taken the Arctic route. If this spend-happy trip is any indication of the government we are about to get, then the days of federal surpluses are over."
Harper as Anti-Democrat
"Yet another strong-arm tactic to shut the critics down, Harper's trip is seen as a chance to distract Canadians from their growing demands to debate the mission. If Harper thinks this little weekend getaway stunt will do the trick, he will be sorely disappointed on his return."
Harper as Bush's Poodle
"With secret prisons, vicious torture and the suspension of human rights under George W. Bush, Harper's trip can be seen as an extension of the neo-conservative American Imperialist strategy devised by the Jewish masters in London and Tel Aviv. This trip to Afghanistan not only puts our troops in danger, but it raises the spectre of terrorism on our soil. Desperate to please President Bush, Harper's trip has put all Canadians in grave peril."
Harper as Micro-Manager
"Harper's almost psychotic need to control every detail of his government has brought him to Afghanistan. Untrusting of the military planners, Mr. Harper has come to direct the troops as he sees fit. Untrusting of the soldiers, Mr. Harper plans to head out on a couple of sorties to eliminate some local Taliban threats. Needless to say, anyone who objects will be fired."
There you have it, national columnists, five slick ways to start your columns. Since I don't get paid a red cent for this crap, you'll have to finish the columns off yourselves.
Comments:
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Nice work, Chucker! Each one is better than the one before! Glad to see you've come around to the side of sweetness and light.
# posted by 
: Sunday, March 12, 2006 11:05:00 PM
: Sunday, March 12, 2006 11:05:00 PM
You forgot to mention the one that was used on (can't remember which) broadcast earlier this evening-- complaining to the effect that "Harper could have chosen a better time as 600 of the troops are away from base on a mission in the mountains and will miss his morale-boosting speech." I guess the networks are worried that fewer soldiers watching him speak = less gripping tv. Sheesh.
# posted by : Sunday, March 12, 2006 11:39:00 PM
: Sunday, March 12, 2006 11:39:00 PM
Did you catch the closing remarks of Patrick Brown on CBC last night regarding Harper's visit. He stated troops feel they don't need the aggravation or they have better things to do right now or words to that effect.
djeffrey,
I wonder then, how they feel about Patrick Breown and Peter Mansbridge "hanging out". They know Peter's looking for some sort of Cdn soldier abuse to shock the nation with!
I wonder then, how they feel about Patrick Breown and Peter Mansbridge "hanging out". They know Peter's looking for some sort of Cdn soldier abuse to shock the nation with!
derek,
good point. heaven forbid my eyes wander over to American Idol on CTV. Go Mendessa! 900 lbs of purrrrfection.
good point. heaven forbid my eyes wander over to American Idol on CTV. Go Mendessa! 900 lbs of purrrrfection.
Herb,
I thank you, sir. I endeavour to make everyone chuckle once and want to rip my head off 99% of the time.
Everyone:
Looks like I'm on the road today. Please boost the traffic here!
I thank you, sir. I endeavour to make everyone chuckle once and want to rip my head off 99% of the time.
Everyone:
Looks like I'm on the road today. Please boost the traffic here!
You forgot another potential opening.
"Harper's War on the Press continues on foreign soil as the Prime Minister puts his media entourage in harm's way."
"Harper's War on the Press continues on foreign soil as the Prime Minister puts his media entourage in harm's way."
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 9:50:00 AM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 9:50:00 AM
Ya gotta hand it to Harper; he couldn't have made the humiliation, or the complete irrelevance of Dithers more complete. Brilliant.
Chucker, you're on fire.
Chucker, you're on fire.
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 10:37:00 AM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 10:37:00 AM
I am sure The National will perform it's magic tonight with a FEATURE REPORT FROM AFGHANISTAN, watch for it.
I am so confident that there will be no less than a dozen inuendos, half truths, idle speculations, omissions and outright lies in this tonight that I am thinking that this could be a great drinking game. Take a good swig every time you hear one during their piece tonight and you will be half in the bag by the end. The comments posted here after that fact and in that condition would be fun!
I am so confident that there will be no less than a dozen inuendos, half truths, idle speculations, omissions and outright lies in this tonight that I am thinking that this could be a great drinking game. Take a good swig every time you hear one during their piece tonight and you will be half in the bag by the end. The comments posted here after that fact and in that condition would be fun!
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 10:44:00 AM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 10:44:00 AM
Chucker- that's unfair. Not everyone scribbling on this about to become tiresome subject is biased.
I think I was pretty fair to the young 'n tender Harp-Seal today!
I think I was pretty fair to the young 'n tender Harp-Seal today!
Chuckle-on Chuckercanuck! Very funny.
Harper looks a little more handsome to me today! Brave boy.
Harper looks a little more handsome to me today! Brave boy.
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 10:58:00 AM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 10:58:00 AM
Given the subject matter,Joanne's absence here is saddening me so I'd like to post on her behalf: "Harper is fat and ugly and shouldn't be seen with the soldiers which only makes him look worse."
How'd I do Joanne?
How'd I do Joanne?
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 11:06:00 AM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 11:06:00 AM
Rumour has it that joanne and patrick have been participating on some one-on-one mentoring and are much too busy to blog at this time and of course don't quote me as it is only a rumour and no I'm not jealous. Good luck with that patrick.
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 11:31:00 AM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 11:31:00 AM
Did someone forget to tell the media that Stephen Harper is now PRIME MINISTER STEPHEN HARPER? That idiot Rick Bell from the Calgary Sun (while on CBC,no less) referred to him as "STEVIE". It's very seldom the media will refer to the PM as the Prime Minister, or Mr. Harper. It's usually just plain "Harper". It's almost as if they feel that by giving "Stevie" the commony decency and respect that comes with the post, they will be betraying the bastards who's assholes they licked for so long. Maybe they enjoyed the taste of assholes so much that this is their way of showing their former masters how much they are missed.
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 11:35:00 AM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 11:35:00 AM
Chucker, that was hilarious!
Even more so were it not so disturbingly smack on the money.
I've not seen a CBC report on this yet that doesn't insert at least one negative slant or twist.
Good stuff! I'll be back!
;-)
Springer
Even more so were it not so disturbingly smack on the money.
I've not seen a CBC report on this yet that doesn't insert at least one negative slant or twist.
Good stuff! I'll be back!
;-)
Springer
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 11:36:00 AM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 11:36:00 AM
Squid,
on point, as always. I'd suggest, given the former PMs appetites, that the taste these journalists enjoy so much is really just extra-processed Kraft Dinner.
on point, as always. I'd suggest, given the former PMs appetites, that the taste these journalists enjoy so much is really just extra-processed Kraft Dinner.
Springer,
this site needs you. please do visit often. And please share your rants here - you'll have a wide audience, I promise.
You even bump into Don and Cameron, here.
this site needs you. please do visit often. And please share your rants here - you'll have a wide audience, I promise.
You even bump into Don and Cameron, here.
Bob Fife reporting on CTV that PMSH may be accused of attempting to avoid Shapiro by doing this, yea, that's a good one Bobby. "Think I'll go set myself down in an extremely hostile environment just so I can avoid old Bernie 'What's that Paul' Shapiro." Makes perfect sense. Chucker, don't be surprised to see some of your writings come to fruition.
Excellent Post.
Excellent Post.
Platty,
Robert Fife is really living up to his nickname "Barney Fife" with that jewel,eh?
Robert Fife is really living up to his nickname "Barney Fife" with that jewel,eh?
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 12:51:00 PM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 12:51:00 PM
You gotta love it when a gutless, unidentified troll like lloyd fister dumps a personal threat.
http://centreofcanada.blogspot.com/
http://centreofcanada.blogspot.com/
Easy Don, its not a threat, its a hee-ha, a funny, a j-o-k-e, a play of words on this thread, lighten-up my boy, don't get your panties in a knot and I'm lloyd fister's fist not lloyd fister - no need to say it, apology accepted.
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 1:04:00 PM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 1:04:00 PM
Exactly old squid,
And now the CBC are saying he is trying to be "Presidential" saying this "smacks" of Americanism. They just cannot stand the fact that we have a Prime Minsiter who has given the Canadian people a reason to be proud, a reason to respect what our Prime Minister is doing.
Something Canadians have been waiting for, and needing, for a long, long time.
And now the CBC are saying he is trying to be "Presidential" saying this "smacks" of Americanism. They just cannot stand the fact that we have a Prime Minsiter who has given the Canadian people a reason to be proud, a reason to respect what our Prime Minister is doing.
Something Canadians have been waiting for, and needing, for a long, long time.
Platty- but wasn't it Chretien and Martin who sent them there? Same ole stuffed shirts either way.
Joanne- where are you? Everyone really misses you back here in Kansas. Hasn't been the same since that mean 'ole twister picked up the house and you 'n Toto with it.
Sorry to cut and run guys- I mustn't be a good Canadian- I'm weeping as I type!
Joanne- where are you? Everyone really misses you back here in Kansas. Hasn't been the same since that mean 'ole twister picked up the house and you 'n Toto with it.
Sorry to cut and run guys- I mustn't be a good Canadian- I'm weeping as I type!
I dig ya Donnie my boy and would luv to hang around and play with you but I gotta hump my ol'ass out the door and head out to the salt mines - rev canada wants another payment, smell you later beemer.
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 3:11:00 PM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 3:11:00 PM
Hey Don,
Enjoyed your blog today. Too bad you won't take "other" posts.
Enjoyed your blog today. Too bad you won't take "other" posts.
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 3:27:00 PM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 3:27:00 PM
leatherhands: Just open a blogger account ot obtain a password. Easy. Happy to give advice while shilling like a 2 dollar whore.
http://centreofcanada.blogspot.com/
http://centreofcanada.blogspot.com/
Joanne,
trust me, once you see a stream of fake, automated posts from some guy selling dildos and fish bait, you'll understand why the word verification is there.
trust me, once you see a stream of fake, automated posts from some guy selling dildos and fish bait, you'll understand why the word verification is there.
platty -
Chretien went to Afghanistan.
No one noticed, because no one ever noticed his foreign trips - but no one was calling it "american style" or "presidentialism" either!
Chretien went to Afghanistan.
No one noticed, because no one ever noticed his foreign trips - but no one was calling it "american style" or "presidentialism" either!
Credit for Chretien for sending the troops in the first place and visiting in 2003. In fact, Chretien seemed so committed to the region that he returned in 2004 when he was an ex-PM to negotiate contracts for Canadian companies.
"In September 2004 a joint Omani-Canadian delegation led by Yusuf bin Alavi, foreign minister of Oman, and Jean Chretien, former prime minister of Canada, met in Turkmenistan to negotiate a deal between Edmonton based Buried Hill energy and the government of Turkmenistan to develop the Serdar block in the Caspian area.ii This is not the first or only time that the former Prime Minister, a man responsible for sending thousands of Canadian soldiers to Afghanistan, has intervened on behalf of Canadian corporations for contracts in the area. On the same trip Chretien met with Saparmurat Niyazov, the self proclaimed president for life of Turkmenistan, and discussed potential involvement from Canadian corporations in the Trans-Afghan pipeline."
"In September 2004 a joint Omani-Canadian delegation led by Yusuf bin Alavi, foreign minister of Oman, and Jean Chretien, former prime minister of Canada, met in Turkmenistan to negotiate a deal between Edmonton based Buried Hill energy and the government of Turkmenistan to develop the Serdar block in the Caspian area.ii This is not the first or only time that the former Prime Minister, a man responsible for sending thousands of Canadian soldiers to Afghanistan, has intervened on behalf of Canadian corporations for contracts in the area. On the same trip Chretien met with Saparmurat Niyazov, the self proclaimed president for life of Turkmenistan, and discussed potential involvement from Canadian corporations in the Trans-Afghan pipeline."
Re: "stream of fake, automated posts from some guy selling dildos and fish bait"
Now I feel like an idiot. I got a bunch of those spam posts a while back and now my garage is filled with Mepps 3s and Black Mamba Spine Ticklers. I'm trying to figure out a way to combine them in a Sea Bass/Hard Core Live Sex Show theme park, but those fuckin' PETA terrorists are sneakin' around the garage door lately.
I even got a letter from Pammie Anderson. I replied by asking if, after I fuck the bass with the mamba ticklers, I fried them in organic batter and ate them, would that still be cruelty? Haven't heard back yet...
Now I feel like an idiot. I got a bunch of those spam posts a while back and now my garage is filled with Mepps 3s and Black Mamba Spine Ticklers. I'm trying to figure out a way to combine them in a Sea Bass/Hard Core Live Sex Show theme park, but those fuckin' PETA terrorists are sneakin' around the garage door lately.
I even got a letter from Pammie Anderson. I replied by asking if, after I fuck the bass with the mamba ticklers, I fried them in organic batter and ate them, would that still be cruelty? Haven't heard back yet...
Chucker you wrote "Joanne,
trust me, once you see a stream of fake, automated posts from some guy selling dildos and fish bait, you'll understand why the word verification is there."
Just to be clear are you trying to keep the old squid away? I mean he comes from Dildo NFLD and knows how to fish and cut bait and a few other fine things too...
On the theme of the post, .. a quick visit by harper is one thing, especially if tied in to visits to Pakistan, India, China etc. ( Hey even Bush visited India recently) . But staying over like he did, that's just being a publicity hog. If Harper is both medium and message, he's overselling himself on this one. It's starting to loser its authenticity.
trust me, once you see a stream of fake, automated posts from some guy selling dildos and fish bait, you'll understand why the word verification is there."
Just to be clear are you trying to keep the old squid away? I mean he comes from Dildo NFLD and knows how to fish and cut bait and a few other fine things too...
On the theme of the post, .. a quick visit by harper is one thing, especially if tied in to visits to Pakistan, India, China etc. ( Hey even Bush visited India recently) . But staying over like he did, that's just being a publicity hog. If Harper is both medium and message, he's overselling himself on this one. It's starting to loser its authenticity.
# posted by : Monday, March 13, 2006 11:20:00 PM
: Monday, March 13, 2006 11:20:00 PM
Pittacus,
If I got paid for this, Old Squid would get a cut - he's more than welcome. The dildos and fish bait thing is real - at least in the fall, I got bombarded by fake posts from guys just trying to direct you to their retail sites.
On the theme:
he stayed over, met with Karzai. He's in Pakistan now. Seems pretty reasonable that if he's in the neighbourhood and gives a shit, he would meet with the leaders in the area.
As for Bush and India -this is one of the shining achievements of his presidency. I couldn't be happier. And, when the Economist is upset, I know its the right move!
If I got paid for this, Old Squid would get a cut - he's more than welcome. The dildos and fish bait thing is real - at least in the fall, I got bombarded by fake posts from guys just trying to direct you to their retail sites.
On the theme:
he stayed over, met with Karzai. He's in Pakistan now. Seems pretty reasonable that if he's in the neighbourhood and gives a shit, he would meet with the leaders in the area.
As for Bush and India -this is one of the shining achievements of his presidency. I couldn't be happier. And, when the Economist is upset, I know its the right move!
brian c,
as usual, you slip in a bombshell. I love it. Chretien and the guy who renamed a day of the week after himself, doing business "Turkman style". Yes, its all above board. And for the noble purpose of defeating separatists.
as usual, you slip in a bombshell. I love it. Chretien and the guy who renamed a day of the week after himself, doing business "Turkman style". Yes, its all above board. And for the noble purpose of defeating separatists.
joanne,
when I started this blog, I got about 10 "automated" posts from some fake person who says, "hey, I love your blog, meanwhile, here's a link to my porn site."
no joke.
so people told me to put word verification on so no computer program could post automatically.
I want people to post, even crazy ones. Just, not fake, computer-program posts.
when I started this blog, I got about 10 "automated" posts from some fake person who says, "hey, I love your blog, meanwhile, here's a link to my porn site."
no joke.
so people told me to put word verification on so no computer program could post automatically.
I want people to post, even crazy ones. Just, not fake, computer-program posts.
Gonna try the word verification OFF chuckers. But if I get linked to some Utah polygomous circus or a tour of springers hillbilly hut and an introduction to his cleft relatives, I'll be pissed.
http://centreofcanada.blogspot.com/
http://centreofcanada.blogspot.com/
Don,
i feel the same way. but for some reason, I've noticed a lot of people getting away with it.
proves: only a small fraction of people hack and crap their way through cyberspace.
bore them, and you win the internet you want.
i feel the same way. but for some reason, I've noticed a lot of people getting away with it.
proves: only a small fraction of people hack and crap their way through cyberspace.
bore them, and you win the internet you want.
For the first time in YEARS..I was proud of my Prime Minister!
# posted by : Tuesday, March 14, 2006 9:30:00 PM
: Tuesday, March 14, 2006 9:30:00 PM
LOL.. very good synopsis of Liberal attack possibilities. It looks like some are already putting your words into practice though (see the Globe and Mail's chatboard)
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